Always
by stardust2002
Summary: When the man Beckett believes murdered her mother is found dead, she's the number one suspect.  Did she do it or will someone prove her to be innocent?  Castle/Beckett, work in progress. Takes place two weeks after Knockdown.  Spoilers, all episodes.
1. Chapter 1

_** ~ Always ~**_

Richard Castle smiled. It was early morning yet and he hadn't even opened his eyes but the ringing of his phone at this hour could only mean one thing. A case; he'd be spending the day with Kate.

He grabbed the phone off the nightstand and slid his fingers across the screen, eyes still shut, then put it to his ear. "Good morning," he said warmly.

"I'm not sure it's really all that good."

Castle's eyes flew open at the sound of Esposito's voice. "Hey man, what's up? And why isn't Beckett calling? She seems to get a perverse pleasure in hauling me out of bed before my alarm most days."

"The news isn't good. There's been a murder - "

"And this is news, how?"

"The vic is Vulcan Simmons."

"Oh." Castle sat up, heart suddenly feeling sore. He hated seeing Kate in pain and anything to do with her mother's murder took a heavy toll on her. "Is Beckett at the crime scene already?"

"No … " Esposito paused. "She's … a person of interest on this case and has been brought in for questioning."

"What? You can't possibly think she had anything to do with it," Castle practically yelled.

"I don't know all the details but I gather there's some evidence. I think you'd better get down here as soon as you can."

**xxxxx**

"Where's Beckett?" Castle demanded, the moment he stepped off the elevator.

Ryan and Esposito, at their desks but standing looking lost rather than immersed in work, both met his eyes briefly then looked away. Ryan half shrugged.

"Where is Beckett?" he demanded again.

Montgomery stepped out of his office suddenly, nearly hitting Castle with the door. "Go home, Castle. There's nothing you can do here."

"The hell there isn't. This was _our _case … "

"Our? In case you've forgotten, you're not even a cop. You're here on sufferance, because I say you can be." The captain crossed his arms over his chest. "Now I'm telling you to go home. This case is no longer yours, in fact you'd better stay the hell away from it or I'll charge you with conspiracy."

"You charged Beckett with the murder?" Castle asked incredulously.

"Not yet."

"That's ludicrous. You know she didn't do it."

"I know nothing of the sort, Castle. This is police work. We rely on evidence, not gut feelings."

Castle fumed but wisely stopped arguing. "Can I see her?"

"Absolutely not."

"Come on, just for a minute."

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

Montgomery sighed. "It's against protocol."

Castle swallowed hard. "I'm her partner. She needs me." Montgomery gave him a skeptical look. "Even if she doesn't know it," Castle added. "Anything to do with her mother's murder is hard on her. She needs a friend right now."

Montgomery's eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. "Two minutes. That's all you get. And if I think you're … "

"Where is she?" the author-cum-detective interrupted.

"Interview room two."

**xxxxx**

She looked up at him as he entered, eyes unreadable.

"Hey." He sat opposite her.

She didn't smile. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't pass up a chance to see you on the other side of the table," he teased, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Her eyes glittered angrily, though there were dark circles ringing them. "More fodder for the next Nikki Heat novel, Federal Heat?" she asked acidly.

"You remember that?"

"I seldom forget anything, Castle. You should know that by now."

Her defences were prickly; a sure sign she was hurting inside, so Castle backed off. "I heard you were in a bit of trouble so I thought I'd come see if there was anything I could do."

Kate's jaw softened and her shoulders lowered a fraction. "You could start with some coffee. Montgomery's orders were to head straight here, no stopping at Go and no collecting two hundred dollars. He said if I did he'd lock me up and throw away the key."

He smirked. "Damn! I hurried over so quickly I forgot the coffee."

Kate reached out and touched his hand, covering it with her own. "It's okay. I was just kidding."

"I wasn't. I'll bring you some later." Their eyes locked and Castle felt a shiver go down his spine. "Um, Esposito told me Vulcan Simmons was dead and that they're questioning you about it."

She nodded. "He was shot in the head. That's all I know."

"It couldn't be a suicide?"

She shook her head. "Execution style."

"Oh." He swallowed. "They don't think you did it, do they?"

She looked around the room. "Use your brain, Castle. If I weren't a suspect I'd be the one doing the questioning."

"Of course. Yeah. Sorry."

She sighed and slumped back onto the couch. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I shouldn't be taking my frustrations out on you."

Castle's eyebrows arched. "Well until you find someone better, you can keep abusing me. We both know I love it or I wouldn't keep coming back for more."

She smiled, a real smile that lit up her eyes and showed off the sadness behind them. An ache began to grow in his chest.

"I know you didn't do it," he said softly. "It's crazy to even suggest such a thing."

"Maybe I did," she said archly, teasing him just a little.

He shook his head firmly. "I know you. You couldn't have done this."

"Do any of us really know each other that well?" she asked softly, almost as if reflecting to herself rather than asking him.

"It's doesn't matter what anyone says. I won't believe it."

She swallowed hard and he could almost see the glint of tears in her eyes. "You're a good friend, Castle. Have I ever told you that?"

He thought about it for a minute, playfully putting his head to one side. "I don't think so. Feel free to tell me again though. It sounds pretty good."

Kate chuckled and he could hear the barely concealed tears. He longed to pull her into his arms and hold her and was just about to throw caution to the wind and do it, to hell with the consequences, when Montgomery opened the door and stuck his head in.

"Your two minutes are up," he said brusquely. "Scram."

Castle stood, feeling helpless.

"Beckett. Interrogation room one. Now."

Kate stood as well and Castle watched, in awe, as it took her barely a second to go from a vulnerable and needy friend to a diamond-hard professional investigator. He admired her for it; knew himself how hard it was to put on a mask when your insides felt like they were crumbling.

As she walked towards him to the door, he touched her arm and briefly leaned close to her ear. "I'm here," he whispered. "Don't forget that."

Her eyes lifted to his. "Always," she mouthed, bringing him suddenly back to the moment they'd shared in the ambulance. He looked down as his hand. The scars weren't quite healed yet.

"Castle, you're dismissed," Montgomery said.

"Can I stay … you know, talk with Ryan and Esposito for a bit?" he asked as he walked into the hallway.

The captain sighed audibly. "You won't go away even if I order you to, will you?"

"Not a chance."

"Don't get into any trouble. This one's going to be delicate. We've got to play it with kid gloves."

"I promise I'll behave." Castle smiled his thanks and jogged across the bullpen to Kate's desk to join the other two.

Montgomery frowned. "Why don't I believe that?"

**xxxxx**

"You guys aren't doing the interrogating?" Castle asked.

"Are you kidding? Cap'n wouldn't let us touch this with a ten-foot pole," Esposito said.

"We're too close to it," Ryan added. "So are you."

Castle held up his arms in surrender. "Hey, I'm not doing anything. I just want to help Beckett, however I can."

"We all do, bro," Esposito said, voice softening. "But if we're not careful we'll get her into more trouble."

The phone rang before he could ask how. Ryan picked it up.

"Uh huh. Yep. Right away."

"Let's go for a walk," he said quietly to the other two.

"Why?"

"Where?"

"That was Lanie. She's got details for us."

"Let's go."

**xxxxx**

Esposito stood right beside Lanie, almost close enough to be touching her. It was obvious to anyone around them that they were together, no matter how much they might prevaricate or try to evade the truth. Did people think the same thing about him and Beckett? Castle flushed slightly, realizing that he too often stood close enough to touch her and that they frequently seemed to be in each other's personal space. They weren't together _not yet_ but he could certainly see how people could mistake them for a couple.

"So what's the news?" Ryan asked without preamble.

"It's not good." Lanie held up a petri dish with a bullet in it, forcing Castle's eyes away from the big man lying on her dissecting table. He couldn't feel sorry for the man, knowing that he spent his life ruining other people's, and particularly despising him for Johanna Beckett's murder. He knew without having to ask, that Kate felt the same but despising someone and being angry with them was a long way from murder.

"The bullet's definitely one of ours," Lanie said. "I almost guessed it from the entry wound alone. No one on the street uses the same weapons we do." She swallowed. "I ran ballistics on the bullet and on Beckett's gun - at Montgomery's orders," she added apologetically. "They're a match."

"Are you sure?" Esposito asked.

She nodded. "Absolutely. I did the test twice."

Castle felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. He wanted to protest, to say it couldn't possibly be so, but his mouth just wouldn't seem to work.

"_Beckett_ killed Vulcan Simmons?" Ryan asked incredulously.

Lanie nodded sadly. "It would seem so."

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**~ Always ~ **

**Chapter Two ~**

Castle looked around the conference room, unconsciously noting the expressions of sorrow mixed with disbelief on the faces around him. He himself felt those same emotions plus many more, among them thankfulness that he was being included in this meeting. He did often forget he wasn't really 'one of them' and Montgomery's stark reminder earlier had driven home the fact that he didn't really belong here, particularly not without Beckett.

"You've all seen the evidence." The captain's voice was flat and unemotional but Castle knew the man was having a tough time keeping it that way.

"Sir, I … " Ryan began.

"I know what you're going to say," Montgomery interrupted. "But this is a murder investigation and we have to treat it like we would any other. Our prime suspect may be one of our own but we can't let that bias our investigation in any way. We follow the facts and see where they lead us, just like we always do."

"Beckett's not a murderer," Esposito said decisively.

"Any one of us is capable of killing if the provocation is right. Beckett had motive and the fact that she attacked the man physically during an earlier interview already speaks against her. The bullet that killed our vic came from her gun which was found in her possession at the time." He shrugged. "I don't like it any more than you do, but it doesn't look good for her."

"If we're going to treat this case like any other then we have to make sure we don't focus only on Beckett," Castle offered, finally jumping into the conversation.

"That's right," Ryan agreed enthusiastically. "A scumbag drug dealer like him must have had lots of people who wanted him dead."

"Not many would have had access to Beckett's gun though," Montgomery argued.

"Johanna Beckett's murder is much more complicated than it seemed at first and Simmons was involved up to his eyeballs in it. Every time we dig deeper we find the story twists in different directions and encompasses more people. We discovered a police conspiracy during the Raglan murder case - who knows how many more people are involved in covering up crimes and have a vested interest in having a fall guy take the rap?"

"How do you know so much about it?" Montgomery asked.

Castle flushed slightly. "Beckett and I have talked about it. A lot," he added at Ryan's raised eyebrow.

"Ryan, Esposito, I want you two to dig into Simmons' life. Find out _everything_. If someone else could have done this, I want to know. If Beckett _did_ do it, well … I'll do what I have to. But I am not convicting her until I have absolute proof she's guilty."

"What about me, sir?" Castle asked.

"I want you to sit this one out, Castle. I'll have Velasquez run down Beckett to verify her story."

"I can help," he offered eagerly.

"You're too close to her," the captain objected. "And yes, that does mean exactly what it sounds like. You two are too close. I've been watching you and I think your relationship is dangerously close to crossing the line into personal territory."

Castle's flush deepened.

Montgomery's voice softened. "Listen, I know you care about her and you want to help. We all do. But you can't be objective when your'e this close to something."

"I can help, I know I can," Castle pleaded. "I won't get in the way or cause trouble. I promise."

"No. And that's final." Montgomery stood. "You're all dismissed. Now get to work."

**xxxxx**

Castle stood outside Kate's apartment, thinking. He'd taken a cab almost all the way back home before changing his mind and coming here. He couldn't sit this one out. It was too important. Kate's career - her whole_ life_ was at stake and he knew her well enough to know that being convicted of killing her mother's murderer would destroy her, even if it later proved to be untrue. Her reputation would be worth less than nothing and she'd never work in the police force again. Not to even mention the emotional fallout …

He couldn't let that happen. He had to find a way to prove her innocence.

The door was locked, of course. She might have been rattled when she'd left early this morning but this was New York and she was a cop. She knew better than to leave it unlocked. Instinctively he reached up to the top of the door frame for a spare key but then withdrew his hand. She was too smart to be that obvious. _ Where would I keep my spare key if I had one?_ he mused, then knelt down and felt along the baseboard beside the door. He smiled as his fingers felt an uneven portion - cut so as to be all-but invisible to the eye. _We really do think alike, _he thought as he slid the panel out and pulled out the key.

Castle let himself in, pocketing the key for future use. It wasn't stealing; he'd give it back to her as soon as he didn't need it anymore.

Her apartment was neat and tidy, the private murder board tucked away cleverly so no one not in the know would guess what it was. He opened it up and began to read Kate's notes again, hoping something would jump out at him the way it so often did for her when she studied her board at work. After a time he sat down at the desk and turned on the computer, pulling up the photos they'd loaded up two weeks earlier, meticulously avoiding snooping through anything else.

He sat, lost in thought, staring at the pictures and remembering bits of the conversation the two of them had had, hoping something would spark the right memory. A sudden knocking and opening of the front door startled him right out of the chair.

"Kate, baby, are you home?"

Castle felt a hot flush suffuse his body as the other man's eyes, unfriendly to say the least, narrowed and stared him down unblinkingly.

"Josh, hey … " He stopped there, knowing that nothing he could say would work. Nonchalance wasn't an option.

"What are you doing here, Castle?" Josh asked coldly. "Is Kate home?"

"No, no she's not here right now - "

"Then what are you doing here? Does she know you're here?"

"No, I don't think she's aware that I - " Castle stopped as Josh's eyes moved past him and opened wide at the sight of the board behind him.

"What's that?"

"That? That's just … well, it's … "

Josh moved swiftly past him. "Johanna Beckett. _Beckett?"_ He turned to face Castle. "Is this some relative of Kate's?"

"Her mother," Castle said softly. "Her mother was murdered twelve years ago and the crime has never been solved."

"What is all this?" Josh waved his hand at the wall of photographs and post-it notes.

"Kate's murder board. This is everything she knows about what happened. She's been trying to solve it for years."

Josh stood silently staring at it and Castle could literally feel the shift in the other man's emotions. "Why didn't she tell me?" he asked in a near whisper, turning to face Castle again.

They looked at one another. "I don't know," Castle said frankly.

"But _you_ knew."

Josh's words were light but Castle could see the hurt behind his dark eyes. Despite his jealousy, Castle felt sorry for him. Betrayal always hurt.

"I'm her partner, Josh. We work together to solve crimes."

"This isn't work. It's personal."

Castle swallowed. "It's both for her. There have been more developments on the case lately. That's why Kate's not here right now."

"After twelve years? That's hard to believe." Josh's eyes glittered coldly.

"It's a long story but two weeks ago new information came to light about Johanna Beckett's murder which sort of brought it back to the forefront."

Josh put his hands on his hips. "How come I didn't know any of this?"

Castle's patience snapped and anger flared. "How could you? You were busy traveling the world and working on your tan while we were fighting for our lives against professional assassins."

"And I suppose you were the knight in shining armour who saved Kate's life? Isn't that how things go in your stories?"

"As a matter of fact I was," Castle growled, eyes narrowing.

"Give me a break. You? Your'e not even a cop. What skills do you have that could turn the tide in a life or death situation?"

Castle stepped forward, closing the distance between them and noting the man was easily as tall as he was. "I was there, which is more than I can say for you," he said in a deadly quiet voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kate didn't just need backup in a tight situation during the case. She needed a friend to help her through the emotional pain. You have no idea how much her mother's death still hurts her. You were off in Africa 'finding yourself' when she needed you most of all. Some boyfriend you are."

Josh glared at him. "I guess you were the one who was there for her, am I right? I should have known; it's just like your books, isn't it? You and Kate, Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat - lovers in secret. No wonder she rarely ever has time for me. She says she's _working_ but that's just a euphemism for sleeping with you, isn't it?"

"Beckett and I have never slept together," Castle said stiffly.

"You expect me to believe that? Come on, she's an amazingly attractive woman that you hang out with day after day and write smutty detective stories about. You can't tell me your relationship is purely platonic."

Castle licked his lips. "I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I do find her extraordinarily attractive and have had thoughts … but we're just colleagues and friends. It's never been anything more than that."

"Bullshit."

"Listen, I don't have time for this. Believe whatever you want. Kate's in trouble and I have to - "

"Trouble? What kind of trouble?"

"I can't tell you that." Castle closed the shutters, hiding the murder board away, and turned off the computer. "Kate isn't going to be back for a while so you might as well go home."

Josh watched in amazement as Castle locked the door behind them. "How did you get a key? Did she give you a key to her place?"

"Go home, Josh."

**xxxxx**

"Where were you last night between nine and twelve?"

Kate answered immediately. "Home, watching TV. Then I was sleeping."

"Was anyone with you?"

Two pink spots appeared on her cheeks, then she remembered it was a routine question. "No. I was alone."

"Are you usually alone in the evenings?"

"Yes. No, well, I'm usually here. I seem to work most evenings. Occupational hazard of the job."

Velasquez smiled briefly. "So there's no one to verify your story."

"No. Wait, I did step out just after ten for a few minutes."

"Where did you go?" The detective's pen was poised and ready.

"Downstairs to the convenience story beside my building. I'd just made tea and realized I was out of milk."

"So you went downstairs at ten to get milk."

"Yes. The owner of the store saw me. He rang up my purchase. Mr. Lee. I go there every few days - whenever I run out of something, which seems to be pretty often since I rarely have time to go shopping. He knows me."

"He can verify your presence there at just around ten o'clock?"

"Yes." Kate sat up straighter. "I went straight back upstairs, put the milk in my tea and sat down to watch a little more TV while I drank it."

"When did you go to bed?"

Kate frowned. "That's the funny thing. I didn't. I must have fallen asleep on the couch because I woke up there still in my clothes."

Velasquez wrote for a few moments silently, making Kate feel very uncomfortable. _That's the point. You do it all the time. Makes the witnesses sweat and they can't wait to talk. _She fought the urge to babble to fill in the void and tried to sit still. She knew these interviews were taped and that this one would be watched over and over until everyone knew every detail, up to and including her every breath and heartbeat.

"That's all for now, detective Beckett," Velasquez said, giving her a small, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, but I'm just doing my job."

Kate smiled back perfunctorily. "I know. No worries."

But inside she was beginning to be very worried. She already knew she had motive sticking out a mile and a bad track record with the vic. They'd taken her gun for testing which meant they were pretty sure she did it. And now she had no real alibi. She herself, on the other side of the table, would break a weak alibi like that down in no time.

Kate felt tears pricking the backs of her eyes. She was in real trouble.

**TBC**

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who commented on chapter one, and also to all of you who've added this story to your favourites and alert lists. I'm so pleased you're enjoying it!


	3. Chapter 3

**~ Always ~**

**Chapter Three ~**

"They've arrested detective Beckett for the murder?" Alexis asked, china blue eyes wide with astonishment.

"Not yet. She's just been brought in for questioning."

"Poor Kate," Martha said sympathetically. "That can't be easy for her."

"It isn't," Castle said quickly. His mother's raised eyebrow caused a slight flush to heat up the back of his neck. "I saw her this morning. She's keeping it together as well as you'd expect, but I can tell that underneath it's killing her."

"Is there anything we can do?" Martha asked eagerly. "Anything at all?"

"I don't think so." He sighed. "I wish there was more_ I _could do. I know she didn't kill him but I don't have the resources to - "

"Are you sure she didn't?" his mother interrupted gently. "We all have a breaking point, Richard. Maybe she reached hers."

Castle shook his head vehemently. "She didn't do it, mother. I know her. She will kill in the line of duty if it's absolutely necessary but she would never murder someone in cold blood, even for revenge. It's just not in her nature. That's not who she is."

"Then you have to find a way to prove that," Alexis said. "You can't let her go to jail for something she didn't do."

"Don't worry, I won't. I just have to figure out how - " He broke off mid-thought, biting his lip as he stared out at the hazy New York skyline. "It's so hard to do this without her. She's the one with the clearance to dig into things. I play at being a cop; she's the real thing."

"Well, maybe you need to try thinking like her. What would she do if the situation were reversed and you were the one in trouble?"

"I was, earlier this year, just after I came back from the Hamptons. She was all set to handcuff me and lock me away forever."

"Maybe she liked the idea of you in handcuffs," Martha teased. "Maybe she just had an urge to turn fiction into real life. She is Nikki Heat, after all."

"I wish." Castle smiled dreamily, then remembered who it was he was talking to and flushed a deep shade of pink.

"It's okay, dad. We all know how you feel about her." Alexis patted his arm.

"All? Who exactly is 'all'?" Castle demanded.

"Maybe we should stay on topic here. What would Beckett do if she knew someone was innocent even though the evidence appeared to show they were guilty?"

"She would go over every single piece of information with a fine-tooth comb." He straightened his shoulders and stood tall. "I've got to see detective Velasquez."

**xxxxx**

Castle shook his head as the recording of Beckett's interview came to an end. For the third time. He'd made the tech guy play it over and over just to be sure.

"She's not guilty."

"How do you know that?" Velasquez asked.

Castle pointed at the screen. "Did you see the microexpressions on her face and the movements she made when you asked her about stepping out for a minute? She was wide open, eyes straight ahead. She has nothing to hide."

"Microexpressions?" the tech guy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Castle shrugged. "I watch Lie to Me." At the man's disbelieving look he added, "Come on, it may be fiction but it's based on real science."

"Watching a TV show about detecting lies does not make you an expert," Velasquez said sternly, "no more than writing detective novels about a cop makes you a homicide detective."

"You guys all think she's guilty? This is Beckett, she's one of you. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"The evidence suggests … "

"Beyond a reasonable doubt," Castle quoted. "No one is considered guilty if there is still reasonable doubt as to whether or not they committed the crime in question, and I sure as hell have doubts!"

Castle's voice had risen to a shout by the end, causing heads to turn and stare at him. It drew Montgomery's attention as well. The captain stepped into the viewing room and touched Castle's elbow.

"A word, Castle?"

Castle swallowed hard and cast an angry look back at the others as he followed the other man out of the room.

"You can _not_ keep doing this," Montgomery said.

"I can't just sit around and watch you hang her," Castle argued.

"I have no intention of doing so."

"You think she's innocent?"

"What I _think_ doesn't really matter."

Castle drew himself up a little taller. "It matters to me."

Montgomery shifted his weight and took a deep breath. "You want to know what I think? I think I've known Kate Beckett for a lot of years and I never would have thought her capable of something like this. Do I think she's guilty? Honestly, in my gut, I'd have to say no."

"See?" Castle broke in but the other man stopped him with a raised hand.

"However," he continued slowly, "I am not the ultimate authority here and my gut feelings are not evidence. I have a boss to answer to as well and he expects no less than a full and thorough investigation. Rightly so, too. Just because our suspect is a cop does not mean we let her off the hook, no questions asked."

"I'm not saying - "

"We have to tread extra carefully, Castle. Any hint of favouritism and we'll have the media descending on our heads. It's getting harder and harder for us to do our jobs as criminals rights' activists try to make cops out to be the bad guys, telling the public the criminals are victims of police brutality or racial profiling. Any hint of favouritism or us protecting our own is going to undermine what little authority we have left."

Castle was silent as Montgomery stopped to breathe.

"We have forty eight hours before the facts go public. I would love nothing more than to clear Kate's name and haul the real criminals' ass off to jail by then. Not only because I think someone's using her to get away with murder, but because I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place here. If I let Beckett off without finding a better suspect, I'll be accused of corruption, but if I do convict her there will be a huge public outcry about police using their authority to commit crimes and they'll lose whatever faith they have in us. Sure there are a few bad apples in the force, as there are in every profession, but we're mostly law-abiding folk trying to do our job. Unless we get to the truth of the matter quickly, that job is going to get a whole lot harder."

"What can I do to help?" Castle offered. "Anything. Just name it."

**xxxxx**

Castle was out of breath by the time he reached Ryan's car. It was just pulling out of the parking spot as he slammed against it and knocked on the window. The car stopped and he climbed into the back.

"Castle. What are you doing here?"

"Riding with you," he answered breathlessly.

"Says who?"

"Montgomery's orders."

"Oh. Buckle up then. We're headed to a rough area."

"Gotcha."

Esposito turned his head back. "So, where's the coffee?"

"Coffee?"

"You always bring Beckett coffee. Now that you're with us, where's ours?"

"Maybe if _you_ put on four inch stilettos he'll get you one," Ryan snickered, glancing over at his partner.

"I'll do it. You know I will."

"I'll tell Lanie," Ryan sang out.

"You go right ahead, partner. She'd do the same."

Ryan laughed. "She's a woman, dude, she's supposed to be the one who wears the heels."

"From what I've heard, it sounds like she's the one who wears the pants too," Castle chimed in, smirking.

Esposito turned his head again. "Doesn't that sound familiar?" he said dryly. "Maybe you should be the one putting on heels and a dress, Castle."

"I'll have you know I look smashing in a dress," Castle said loftily.

"That's more than I ever wanted to know."

"Fine, I'll leave the dress-wearing to Beckett. She looks … " He stopped, lapsing off into a daydream.

Ryan tsked. "He's really got it bad, eh?"

Esposito nodded. Castle flushed.

"Come on, when even_ you_ are lost for words … " Ryan teased.

Esposito shrugged. "You have to admit, she does look damn fine when she's dressed up."

"I'm going to tell Lanie you said that," Ryan smirked.

"Hell, Lanie thinks Beckett's gorgeous too."

Castle covered his ears. "That's more than I ever wanted to know." He cleared his throat. "So, where are we going?"

"Vic's brother. Richard Simmons."

"You're kidding me."

"Not _that _Richard Simmons," Ryan said, shaking his head.

"Thank God, or I'd need something a lot stronger than coffee."

"Speaking of which, there's a Starbucks on the next corner." Esposito pointed. "If we make it quick … "

"Can we do it on the way back? I promised Beckett I'd - "

Esposito sighed theatrically, crossing his arms over his chest. "Fine. One would think you loved her more than me."

"No offense, but … "

**xxxxx**

Kate paced back and forth across the interview room like a caged animal. Strictly speaking she wasn't locked in; they trusted her not to walk out and disappear forever. But she knew she was trapped there as much by her own personality as anything else. If she left the room, her feet would take her straight to her desk where she'd immediately get to work.

She sighed and sat. _ If Castle were here he'd be spinning all sorts of theories, each one wilder than the next. Thing is, one of them would be right or close enough to point us in the right direction._ Castle. A picture of him, larger than life, filled her inner eye and she smiled sadly.

She missed him. She really missed him. Strange how someone so irritating and disliked at first could become one of the most important people in her life. He'd gone from antagonist to ally, to partner and friend, and was now one of the few things she could depend on, no matter how crazy the world became. The sun rising in the east and setting in the west, and Castle bringing her coffee with a smile every morning - she could set her life's clock by them. Everything else could turn upside down but Castle would be there by her side, urging her on and watching her back. Of that she had no doubt. She felt a heaviness in her heart without him by her side. _ He's out there Kate, believing in you and doing the best he can to get you out. _ Problem was, the more Castle did, the more trouble he got into, particularly when she wasn't around to extricate him. She hoped he'd be okay without her.

She closed her eyes and began to put together a mental murder board. It wasn't hard remembering all the details of her mother's murder; she'd committed them to memory long ago. The hard part was the current murder. She didn't know nearly enough about it to be able to figure anything out.

**xxxxx**

Ryan stopped the car in front of a dingy trailer parked at the edge of a minute trailer park in Washington Heights.

"Something's wrong." Esposito drew his gun as he got out of the car. "The door's open."

It was, Castle noted, squeaking as it swung on its hinges in the light breeze. The neighbourhood was still; no sounds of children playing or business (such as it was here) being transacted. Castle shivered, catching the same vibe his partner had gotten seconds earlier.

"Stay here," Ryan said tersely, drawing his gun as well.

"But - "

"Beckett will never forgive us if we let something happen to you. Stay here until I give the all-clear."

Castle stayed. He watched them surround the trailer then enter it. A few minutes later Ryan pushed his head out the door and motioned for Castle to come.

"Not home?" he asked as he joined them.

"Oh, he's here alright," Ryan said in a strangely thin voice. "But he's not going to be talking any time soon."

Richard Simmons, a large black man who resembled his brother uncannily, was very much dead. Bullet to the head, execution-style.

"Oh boy."

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

** ~ Always ~**

_Chapter Four ~_

"He was killed not more than six hours ago," Lanie declared, looking up at the three men who were anxiously awaiting her pronouncement. "I'd say between eight and ten this morning."

Castle's heart leapt.

"I'll have to get the body back to the morgue for a full autopsy to be sure, but I think he was killed by the same kind of bullet as our other vic."

Castle grinned. Lanie frowned at him. "What?"

"This proves Beckett is innocent. She was in police custody at the time of his death and so was her gun. She couldn't have been here when he was killed."

"That proves she's innocent of _this_ murder," Esposito corrected.

"You know the two are connected. They have to be. Two men, same family, same drug business, murdered in exactly the same way within a twenty-four period? You know what Beckett says about coincidences."

"The question is, if the first bullet came from Beckett's gun, which is in police custody now, how did_ this _guy get shot by the same gun?" Ryan mused.

"That's for me to figure out," Lanie said.

"And figure it out you will," Esposito said, grinning foolishly at her.

**xxxxx **

The door opened, startling Kate from her thoughts. She opened her eyes and gave Montgomery a small smile as he sat opposite her.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

A trained observer, he saw the taut line of her shoulders and neck and the wary look in her eyes. She wasn't fine but she was putting on a damn good show.

"Listen, for what it's worth, I don't believe you did this."

"Well that's good to know," Kate said, voice wavery.

"You know we have to follow protocol on this one but I've got all my guys out there doing everything they can to get the real killer."

"Thank you sir."

Montgomery swallowed and licked his lips. "There's a lawyer out there waiting to talk to you."

She frowned. "I didn't call a lawyer."

"Castle did. He believes you're innocent more strongly than anyone, but he wanted to make sure you had proper legal representation if you needed it."

She smiled weakly. "That's sweet of him but I don't need a lawyer. I didn't do it."

"Maybe not, but it's best if you talk to her anyway."

"Her?"

"Catherine Chalmers."

_A woman. Hmm. And another Catherine too. _ "Fine, I'll talk to her."

"And … we've got several messages for you from Josh." Kate swallowed but her eyes held his firmly. "You know we can't let you talk to him yet," Montgomery said gently. "But I wanted you to know he's worried about you."

"Thank you."

He leaned forward and touched her arm impulsively. "We will get this sorted out, Kate. I promise."

Her chin trembled and tears threatened. "Thank you, Roy. I know you're doing everything you can."

When he left she gave up the fight and let the tears fall.

**xxxxx**

Ryan gave a low whistle. "Well I'll be damned." He and his partner shared a look.

Lanie stood, hands on her hips, looking furious. Castle just looked confused. "What? What am I missing? What are we looking at?"

"Someone switched the guns."

"What?"

"This isn't Beckett's gun," Lanie said flatly. "Someone swapped it out for another police issue firearm. This morning. _ After_ I tested it."

"Are you sure?" Castle was at once dumbfounded and suddenly felt his heart lighten up as if it had wings.

Lanie put the magnifying glass on the gun's registration number. "Different number." She moved it slightly. "And there are no fingerprints on it. There were fingerprints on Beckett's gun - hers of course."

"Of course. She'd be the only one who handled it."

They all looked at one another, the same thought crossing their minds.

"The killer is a cop," Esposito said, voicing it. "Someone with access to everything."

Castle stood tall, shoulders thrown back proudly. "But it isn't Beckett."

"Couldn't be. She's been in lockup all day," Ryan said slowly.

"That means she's innocent and free to go," Castle said jubilantly, eyes dancing.

"Free to join us in finding the scumbag who did this and tried to pin it on her," Esposito growled.

"Hallelujah."

**xxxxx**

Montgomery hugged Beckett warmly and Castle watched as she blinked rapidly the keep the tears at bay. His own eyes were wet as well, both from relief and joy.

"Let's get to work," she said weakly, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes.

"You need to go home and get some rest," her boss said. "This has been a tough day and you need a little downtime before you dive headfirst into this."

"But - "

"No arguments. That's an order."

The briefest flicker of anger crossed her face then she nodded.

"I'll take her home," Castle offered.

Montgomery nodded. "Good idea. Be back first thing tomorrow, both of you."

"Will do."

Castle's hand touched the small of her back as he escorted her to the elevator. She leaned into him, their shoulders just touching as they waited.

"You bring your Ferrari to work today?" she asked, looking up at him through troubled eyes though the upturned corners of her mouth told him she was trying to lighten up.

"Sorry. We're cabbing it."

"Damn."

**xxxxx**

They stopped in front of her building and Castle paid the driver quickly as he opened the door and joined her on the sidewalk.

"What are you doing?" Kate asked.

"I'm walking you up."

"You think I don't know the way?" She smirked. "I have lived here for over half a year you know."

"I'm making sure you get safely to your door," he said firmly. "Whether you need it or not."

She shrugged. "Suit yourself." But he could see the smile she tried to hide and the rapid blinking that showed his actions had moved her.

"You want to come in?" she asked hesitantly as she unlocked the door.

"I thought you'd never ask."

"I need coffee." At his raised eyebrow she shrugged unapologetically. "As Montgomery said, it's been a long day. I need more coffee."

She quickly started a pot as Castle took their coats and hung them up in the foyer. They stood, opposite sides of the kitchen island, staring at one another without talking.

"Thank you," she whispered eventually. "For having my back. Again."

"Always. Whenever you need me, I'll be here."

"I know." The tears she'd been blinking back started to fall.

Impulsively, Castle walked around the island and took her into his arms. She let herself be held, crying with a quiet intensity that shocked him just a little. It heightened his unspoken resolve to spend the night with her and make sure she was okay, whether she wanted him to or not.

Eventually the tears slowed and she began to sniffle. Castle stroked her hair gently and loosened his arms to let her go.

"Time for coffee and a tissue?" he offered.

"Thanks," she whispered, smiling weakly as she blinked up at him through wet lashes. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "Thank you, for being here."

"No need to keep thanking me," he said softly. "We're partners. That's what partners are for."

The air crackled between them and Castle was tempted to lean down and kiss her but he held back. Now wasn't the right time. At the same moment, they both realized how close they were and drew back a step, Castle letting go of her waist as if her touch burned him.

"I should probably pour the coffee," Kate said self-consciously, cheeks red.

"I'll get the mugs."

They worked in silence for a few minutes, putting together drinks and rummaging through cupboards for something to eat. There was little.

"I can slip out and pick something up," Castle offered.

Kate shook her head. "I'm not really hungry. My stomach's all in knots," she confessed.

"Understandably so. But you still need to eat. Tomorrow's going to be an even longer day."

She nodded. "We can order in. You don't need to go out. Chinese okay?"

"Perfect."

She smiled and dialled the number. Almost immediately upon hanging up, her phone trilled again, with a text message. She read it, frowning.

"What?"

"It's from Josh."

"Oh."

She bit her lip and looked up at him. "I really should answer it."

"Of course."

She looked at him pointedly and he took the hint. "I'll just go … sit down over here." He walked into the living room area and sat on the couch, turning his head to look out the window and give her privacy.

Ten minutes passed, during which he heard the ring twice more. Castle's stomach, also in knots from the day's events, grew more tight and uncomfortable. He was dying to know what they were saying to one another but couldn't bring himself to ask.

Eventually Kate walked over and sat beside him, tossing her phone onto the table. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's okay." He forced a smile. "I understand."

She twisted her hands together in her lap, obviously uncomfortable. "Josh wants to come over tonight." She bit her lip and her knuckles grew white as she squeezed her hands together. "He's on his way over now."

"Oh."

She hurried to explain. "We haven't seen each other in almost a week and he was worried when he called work and couldn't get me … "

"It's okay. You don't need to explain." Castle stood and forced a smile. "I'll head home since it seems you'll be in good hands."

Kate watched, eyes wide and looking much younger than her years, as he grabbed his coat and threw it on. She touched his arm as he opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow morning?" It was almost a plea.

He smiled for real. "I'll be there. With coffee."

She returned the smile, then her brow furrowed and she bent down to pick up a piece of paper off the floor.

"What's that?" Castle asked.

"I don't know, but it has my name on it." She unfolded it, read it, growing a chalky white.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly, touching her arm.

Wordlessly, she showed it to him.

_'Stop poking your nose where it doesn't belong or you're going to get hurt, just like your mom did.'_

Kate put a trembling hand over her mouth. "Oh my god."

"Well that does it. I'm not leaving now."

**TBC**

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone for your support and constructive comments on this story. I'm so glad you're enjoying it and I hope you continue to as it unfolds. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Five ~_

They sat side by side on the couch, unmoving, not talking, both thinking exactly the same thing. Eventually Castle turned his head to face Kate, only to find she'd just done the same.

"You're not safe here," he said quietly. "He knows where you live and is watching you."

"I know." Her face was white, her eyes huge dark pools that seemed to sink right into her skull.

"Whoever it is put it there in the half hour since we got here. It wasn't there when we arrived."

"I know." She shivered.

"You can't stay here."

"I know."

"You can stay at my place."

Suddenly she seemed to come to life. "No."

"Beckett, you need a place to stay - "

"No, Castle," she insisted. "If they're watching me then they know about you and your involvement with me. We have to assume that whoever is behind this is at least as intelligent as we are, maybe more so. I'm not going to let you put your family in danger because of me. In fact, you should have them moved somewhere safe. I don't want them becoming casualties of whatever war I'm stuck in the middle of here."

"Kate - "

"Rick." She reached out and touched his arm. "No. Thank you, but no. It would kill me if anything happened to Alexis or your mother. I can't risk it."

He paled. "What are you going to do?"

"I'll figure that out."

"You should call Montgomery and get yourself put into police custody."

"Firstly, if the killer is a cop, how safe would I be in police custody? Do we know who we can trust absolutely? Secondly, if I have myself put into protective custody I won't be able to be a part of this investigation. No way," she said firmly.

Castle drew in a deep breath. "Then we'll check into a hotel."

"_We_?"

"I'm not leaving your side until we catch whoever's behind this."

"Castle - "

"It's non-negotiable. Partners, remember?"

She smirked. "Fine. But we're getting a double room - two beds - and we have to pay in cash. No paper trail."

"I can do that."

Their eyes met and held. "Thank you," she said softly.

A sudden knock at the door startled them both. Kate let her breath out slowly. "That's probably Josh."

"Take your gun, just in case."

She glanced at him appreciatively, picking it up off the counter on her way to the door. She opened it tentatively but Josh pushed his way in and grabbed her in a fierce bear hug.

"Kate, you're okay. Thank god." She put her arms around him and they hugged for a minute, ending it with a quick kiss.

Kate shut the door behind him and placed her gun back on the counter.

"What the … " Josh said, catching sight of Castle, now standing in front of the couch. "What's he doing here? What's going on?"

Kate looked back and forth between the two men then drew in a deep breath and thrust her hands into her jeans' pockets. "Sit down Josh. We have a lot to talk about."

He looked Castle up and down. "Can we do it alone?" he asked sullenly.

"I'm not leaving," Castle said firmly.

"You're not leaving," Josh repeated. "Do I need to give you some incentive to go?" He walked forward.

"Boys," Kate said, stepping between them. "Josh, Castle is staying because I'm in danger. There's a lot going on here that you don't understand. Castle, we could use a little privacy. Would you wait in the bedroom while we talk?" Two red spots appeared on her cheeks but her gaze held firm.

"Of course." Castle headed for the stairs to the loft, eyes looking Josh up and down as he passed by.

"Thanks," she whispered, touching his arm.

He nodded stiffly as he stepped out of sight.

**xxxxx**

"Tell me what's going on," Josh demanded, voice low and harsh.

"I'm in the middle - literally - of an investigation regarding a police cover-up that's bigger than anything I've ever seen before."

"It has to do with your mother's murder, right?"

Kate flinched. "How do you know about that?"

Josh walked over to the shutters and opened them. "I came by earlier to see you and found Castle here, looking at this."

Her cheeks grew warmer. "He was?"

He turned to face her. "How come you never told me?"

Her mouth opened and shut several times but no sound came out. She shrugged. "I … I guess it just never came up."

"Never came up?" He was incredulous. "You never thought to tell me about something as important as this?"

"It's not like we ever talked a lot."

"You never wanted to talk."

"You were never here to talk to." Kate's voice rose and she knew Castle could probably hear every word but she didn't care.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're so busy off saving the world that you don't have time to be here for me. I never talked because it never seemed like you cared."

"You're the one who always kept me at arm's length, Kate. You never shared anything about yourself with me. All you wanted was sex and light conversation, nothing deep, no strings."

"How could I want more when you're never here when I need someone?" She covered her mouth suddenly, aware she'd said too much.

"Never here when you need someone," he echoed. "I suppose _Castle_ is the one who's 'here for you' when I'm not. I get it now. You don't want to commit yourself to a real relationship with me because you're involved with him too."

"That's not true!" she shouted, but Kate felt a hot flush spread through her. He was right; she and Castle might not have actually consummated their relationship but they were as firmly and tightly tangled together emotionally as any two people who were lovers.

"Maybe it's time you stopped lying to yourself, Kate," he said bitterly. "Then you can be honest with me."

"I've never lied to you, Josh."

"You haven't told me everything either."

She put her hands on her hips, growling in frustration. "Well, what do you want me to say?"

Josh's voice was quiet and detached when he replied, a good thirty seconds later. "That's the problem right there." He cleared his throat. "Listen, I'm glad that you're okay and I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of a difficult investigation, but I came here tonight to tell you I'm off again tomorrow."

Kate sighed. "Where to this time?"

"Haiti. There's a Doctors Without Borders team leaving in the morning and I've signed on to go with them."

"How long?" Her voice was flat.

"Six weeks - at least. Possibly longer. They're still suffering badly from the earthquake more than a year ago. They desperately need good medical care and supplies."

Kate crossed her arms over her chest. "So, you're leaving again, just when I need you." Her voice wasn't quite steady though she was trying to keep it so.

Josh took one step forward and looked down at her almost tenderly. "I suspect_ I'm _not the one you need right now, Kate. I think some time apart will be good for us. Give us time to think. When I come back you can let me know if you want us to continue." He touched her arm and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

As the door closed behind him, Kate sat heavily on the couch, elbows on her knees, face buried in her hands.

**xxxxx**

Montgomery quickly scanned the coffee shop without obviously appearing to do so.

"We have to be very careful," he said in a soft but firm voice. The two men with him nodded. "Our killer is a cop - possibly one of our own - who has it in for Beckett. He or she is ballsy; stealing evidence right out from under our noses, and is not afraid to kill again. I want Beckett watched twenty-four/seven. Understood?"

Esposito nodded curtly. "Understood."

"You two and Castle are the only ones I trust. Everyone else in the department is suspect. I hate to have to work under that assumption but I'd rather be safe." He didn't have to voice the rest of the thought. The two detectives' somber faces showed they knew.

"Any time we need to talk privately about this, we go somewhere public. Nowhere in the precinct is safe."

"You mean he could be listening?"

"Listening to and watching our every move. Speaking of which, our killer clearly wants to get Beckett somehow. He might find it easier to do so through Castle's family. Move them somewhere safe until this is over."

Ryan nodded. "You got it."

"This is big. Really big. Whatever Johanna Beckett stumbled into, she was one very unlucky lady. We can bring a lot of people down if we do this right. If we don't, it'll be us who are digging our own graves. Quite literally."

"You can count on us," Esposito assured him.

"Good." Montgomery stood. "You know what you have to do."

Ryan drained the last of his coffee and swung the mug down onto the table a shade too hard. "Surveillance or family removal?" he asked.

"Do I have to choose?"

"We'll flip for it. Heads, I get surveillance."

**xxxxx**

Castle slowly walked down the stairs, feeling a little like he was in a war zone, needing to be careful not to trigger stray land mines with the wrong words. But when he saw Kate sitting with her head in her hands, he threw caution to the wind and went straight to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." The word was muffled.

"Liar."

Kate raised her head and the corner of her mouth twitched. "I'll be okay. It was just hard to hear, coming on the heels of the day I just had." She sighed. "I'm sorry you had to hear all of that."

"I tried not to listen, but I figured whistling show tunes would just … nevermind." He grinned for a moment before becoming solemn again. "It's okay. People argue. It's part of life. Don't worry about it."

She smiled wistfully, looking past him rather than directly into his eyes. "You know, it's funny, Castle. One of the things I liked most about Josh in the beginning was his passion for his profession that made him work all the time and travel the world. It kept me free to live my own life, you know? I didn't want to be tied down to someone who expected me to be there every evening and weekend and got upset about my crazy work hours. We were just two people who lived our own lives and …. intersected once in a while." She smiled sadly. "But that's the funny thing, isn't it? The one thing that attracts you to someone is the thing that ends up driving you nuts. I love his dedication and passion for his work but it means I'll always come second." Her eyes finally found his. "And I don't think that's enough anymore. I want him … I want _someone_ who'll care for me, and I can care for him and we'll just dive into it together. Share our passion for the same thing and live our lives together, not apart. To be partners, not just casual acquaintances who share a few minutes here and there."

The tension between them suddenly increased exponentially as their eyes tangled and Castle felt the back of his neck grow very warm. "I … "

The ringing of his phone stopped him there. "Damn!" he swore under his breath, pulling it out of his pocket. "It's Esposito," he told Kate. "Hey, what's up?"

He listened for a few moments, then nodded, face paling. "Okay, we'll be right there."

"What?"

"Montgomery has ordered that Alexis and mother be moved to a safe house. Esposito is heading over there to collect them now."

She rose. "Let's go."

"Don't forget to pack a bag. We might not be back here for a while."

**TBC**

**A/N: Thank you for all your wonderful reviews! I'm so glad you're all enjoying the story. :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Six ~_

"Richard, what is going on?"

"Just pack mother. You too, Alexis. You're going away for a little while."

"Why?" Alexis's blue eyes were wide.

"For how long?" Martha asked.

"We don't know, Martha," Kate said, jumping into the conversation. "All we know is that I'm a target because of my search for my mother's killer, and we don't want whoever it is trying to get to me through you."

Alexis's porcelain skin grew a shade whiter. "Would someone do that?"

"I'm afraid so, honey." Kate laid a hand on the girl's shoulder. "He's killed two people already and likely isn't going to balk at more violence. We need you to be somewhere safe under constant guard. Ryan or Esposito will be with you at all times."

"Don't you need them in your investigation?"

"We'll certainly miss them but they're the only ones I trust to keep you safe." She locked eyes with Esposito and he nodded, unspoken promise made.

"Well who's going to keep _you_ safe?" Martha asked worriedly.

She smirked. "My knight in shining armour." Castle struck a pose.

"Richard? Oh Kate, he's not even a cop."

Kate grew solemn. "I know, and I wanted him to go with you but he's refusing to leave me."

"Rightly so." Martha touched her arm. "You can't be out there all alone."

Kate's eyes met Castle's. "I won't be. We'll be watching each other's backs."

"That's what partners do," Esposito said proudly.

Martha took her granddaughter's arm and led her upstairs.

"Montgomery ordered us to watch_ you_," Ryan said softly, once they were out of earshot.

"I figured he would but I'm giving you new orders. Don't you let those two out of your sight for even a second."

"But … "

"They're civilians. Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself."

"What about him?" Ryan nodded at Castle. "He's a civvie too."

"He's too stubborn to know when he should do the right thing."

"Guys, I'm right here," Castle sang out.

"Sorry Castle, but it's true. You should be going with them."

"I think we've had this conversation already. I'm not leaving you out there to fend for yourself."

She smiled and touched his arm. "And I do appreciate your bravery. Really. Now go pack. We have to leave too."

Castle disappeared up the stairs, two at a time.

"Bravery or stupidity," Esposito said. "That guy just doesn't know when to quit."

"He's loyal. He may not be a cop but he's one of the best partners I've ever had. He always puts me first." Kate's eyes widened as a thought struck her.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking of something else." Her cheeks grew warm.

"Okay, we're ready to go," Martha said as she led the three of them downstairs a few minutes later. She'd managed to put on a smile and was once more acting the 'grande dame' but Kate could tell she was shaken.

"I promise I won't let anything happen to him," she said softly, walking close to the older woman.

Martha threw her arms around her. "I know you won't. Just don't let anything happen to _you_. Richard can't live without you. Losing you would destroy him."

Kate hugged her hard, feeling tears prickling in her eyes. Her emotions were still too volatile, too near the surface. She hugged Alexis as well.

"Be careful," the girl said tearfully, then she turned and threw herself into her father's arms. "I love you dad."

"I love you too sweetheart. More than anything." Castle blinked repeatedly as he squeezed his daughter tightly and kissed the top of her head.

Kate leaned towards Ryan and Esposito. "Ryan, head back to the precinct and help Montgomery. I need you on point."

"What about you?"

"Castle and I are going to find ourselves a place to stay. I'll let you know the details when we have them."

"Got it." He touched her arm. "Watch your back out there. You can't be too careful."

"You too."

**xxxxx**

"You know the Fairmont is that way." Castle pointed behind them.

"I know."

"That means you're going the wrong way."

"I know."

"Well, shouldn't you … "

"Stop being a backseat driver," Kate snapped. "You don't need to tell me how to do my job."

"Okay." Castle pressed his lips together firmly.

She stole a glance at him. "Sorry. I'm a little on edge."

"I noticed."

"Listen, I appreciate your help or I wouldn't be letting you be here now. But I would prefer you watch and learn rather than tell me what to do."

"Are questions allowed?"

"Of course."

"Why are you going in the opposite direction from the hotel we're planning on staying at?"

Kate smirked at his stubbornness. "We're taking a roundabout route. I need to make sure we're not being followed."

"Oh."

"It would be the easiest thing in the world for the killer to watch us all leave your place and then just follow us."

"Well that makes sense."

"I usually do."

"No disagreement here."

When they arrived at the hotel, Kate pulled Castle aside before entering. "Follow my lead," she hissed.

"Aye aye."

She linked arms with him and put on a big, false smile.

"Good evening. How may I help you?" the desk clerk asked, smiling, mostly at Castle, Kate noted.

"Hi. We'd like a room for the night."

"Of course." She checked her computer. "Would you like a regular single?"

"We were hoping for something a little … bigger." Kate leaned in and winked at the clerk. "We're getting away from the kids for the night and we're hoping to have room for some _fun._" She emphasized the last word with a lift of her eyebrows. "You know what I mean?"

The clerk blushed. "I'll see what we've got." After a few minutes she shook her head. "I'm sorry, we're nearly booked up thanks to the mystery writer's convention."

Castle stiffened almost imperceptibly but managed not to react.

"Speaking of which, aren't you Richard Castle?"

Castle laughed out loud, a little too heartily.

"He gets that all the time, don't you honey?" Kate bumped his shoulder and sighed. "If only you were rich and famous like him."

"Maybe I should consider doing look-alike appearances," he suggested.

"I'll bet that doesn't pay nearly as well as the real thing," the clerk laughed.

"Sadly, no," Kate said, a touch dryly.

"Well, the only other room we have only has one bed, but it's a king size."

"Well take it," Kate and Castle said in unison. Castle paid and led the way up to the room.

"Well that was close," Kate said, throwing her bag down on the bed. "We should have thought to get you a disguise."

"There's always next time," he said cheerfully.

"So what are we going to do now? We can't go back to work until tomorrow morning."

"Order room service and then just relax for the rest of the evening?"

"I suppose." She began to pace.

Castle watched with a mixture of amusement and worry. "You really don't know how to relax, do you?"

She flushed. "I do so know how to relax. I just don't when I'm in the middle of a case." Her voice dropped. "Particularly when I'm really stuck in the middle of it."

"I know it's troubling you." He touched her shoulder. "Listen, I'll order something and then we can put on some quiet music. There has to be at least one music channel on the TV."

"I'll see what I can find." Kate picked up the remote and began to surf while he made the call. She settled on a light jazz station and leaned back, closing her eyes.

"Come on down here."

She opened her eyes. "On the floor? Why?"

"Just do it, okay?" Castle pulled a pillow off the bed and put it on the floor in front of the chair.

She arched an eyebrow. "Do I need to remind you how many ways I can hurt you?"

"Twenty-six, right?"

"You were paying attention," she said appreciatively as she lowered herself to the pillow.

"I always pay attention. I only _remember _things that are important."

Kate groaned with pleasure as Castle settled himself on the chair she'd just vacated and began to massage her shoulders with strong, warm hands.

"You are going to relax, even if it kills me," he said with a smile.

They sat together in silence, the soft music and loosening of her muscles causing Kate to feel more relaxed than she had in weeks.

"Mm," she groaned. "I'm turning into a puddle of goo. You're really good at this."

"Years of practice."

"You do this for all of your women?" she quipped.

"Only the ones I really care about. And I can count those on three fingers."

She turned to look at him, shocked at the visible emotion on his face. "Thank you, that was wonderful."

"It was my pleasure."

They smiled at one another but the air between them was a little strained.

"So there's a mystery writer's convention in town," Kate said, as they picked at the plate of food he'd ordered, trying to fill the uncomfortable void with less volatile conversation. "How come you're not there? You're a well known writer, I'm sure you'd draw quite the crowd."

He flushed. "I was invited but I have other plans."

Her eyes narrowed. "You would have had to respond to the invitation weeks ago. This only came up today." She swallowed. "Are you supposed to be there now, because I … "

"No," he interrupted. "I said no."

"Why?"

He fidgeted and grew a darker shade of pink.

"The truth, Castle. You're good at spinning tales but I'd rather you told me the truth."

"I don't think of myself as a writer anymore."

"I don't understand."

He drew in a deep breath. "I used to write full time - all day, every day. It was what I did. Who I was. But I don't do that anymore."

"You hang out with me now," she whispered.

He nodded. "I'm a detective now. Or at least a detective's assistant. I know I'm not actually a cop but I consider the work I do with you to be who I am now. Writing is only a hobby, and I rarely seem to have time for it anymore."

Kate's face grew warm. "But you have written a lot of books and have lots of fans out there who'd love to meet you."

"I'd rather be with you, working on a case then be signing autographs and smiling for fans," he said simply.

Their eyes tangled, speaking volumes. "You've really grown up, Castle," Kate said, voice husky. "I never thought I'd see the day."

He shrugged but the flush on his face began spreading down his neck. "I guess it had to happen eventually." He smiled his adorable lopsided smile. "Even Peter Pan grew up … right? I don't remember how it ends now."

"It's good to be grown up sometimes, but it's also good to remember how to have fun. To know what the happy thought is that makes you fly." She smiled.

"I know what mine is."

She looked at him, his ruggedly handsome face so well known after three years of staring at it; his deep blue eyes full of secrets she couldn't begin to imagine but wanted to find out, then down to his mouth, remembering how it felt and tasted against her own.

"So do I."

She reached a hand out and touched his cheek. Almost as if in slow motion, their heads tilted toward one another. Lips touched, warm, wet, their taste one they'd both longed to experience again in the weeks since their first accidental kiss.

Neither pulled away when the kiss ended, their foreheads leaning against one another and lips touching as they breathed heavily.

"Kate," he whispered, unsure what else to say.

"Kiss me again," she breathed.

For once, Castle obeyed without question.

**TBC**

**A/N: **Thank you as always, for all of your lovely comments. It really makes my day to hear from all of you and know you're enjoying my story. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Seven ~_

"Dammit!" Montgomery shook his head in frustration. "That woman will be the death of me."

Ryan shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry I'm disobeying you sir but what Beckett said makes a lot of sense."

The captain drew in a breath, counted to ten, and expelled it forcefully. "She's right. She usually is, dammit."

Ryan half grinned. "Frustrating, isn't it?"

"Beyond belief. Okay, new plan. You and Esposito will switch off watching Castle's family. Whichever one of you isn't, is here getting answers. First question I want answered is who switched the guns and how."

Ryan held up two fingers. "That's two questions."

Montgomery growled. "You're beginning to remind me of Castle."

"Right. I'll get on that right away."

**xxxxx**

"Who could possibly want to hurt Kate Beckett? She's such a sweetheart." Martha frowned.

Alexis looked at her. "I can't even begin to imagine."

"I don't think it's anything personal," Esposito said. "It's just that things that have been buried for twelve years are coming to the surface now and someone is adamant that their secrets not be found out."

"What kind of secrets?" Alexis asked.

Esposito looked in the rearview mirror and drew in a breath, deciding how much to tell them. "Beckett's mother stumbled onto an investigation regarding the murder and subsequent cover-up of an FBI agent. Cops were involved - if not in the actual murder themselves, then they at least helped cover up the truth."

"I can't believe the police would do that."

His mouth turned up in a sardonic grin at the young girl's innocence. "Cops are people too, Ms. Castle. Not all of us are clean and law abiding. You're a little spoiled in that your contact with the force comes in the form of Kate Beckett. She's one in a million."

"She certainly is," Martha agreed.

"Even she has her weak points. She's as straight as they come and would never hurt anyone for her own reasons but if someone she cared about were threatened … well you see why we need to keep you out of harm's way. She cares for your son a great deal and she would never want any harm to come to you."

"You think so?"

"I think she cares for him a lot more than she lets on," he replied. "She's a very closed person who tends to keep her emotions under wraps. She feels things a lot more deeply than she shows." He smiled. "You know she'll do everything in her power to keep him safe. She'd take a bullet for him."

"As he would for her," Martha said solemnly.

"Which is why they make such good partners. They trust one another and watch each other's backs. You can't ask for more than that." He peeked down at the directions. "We're almost there. I just have to double back a couple of times to make sure we weren't followed."

"How long are we going to be stuck here?" Martha asked. "I only brought enough for a few days."

"Hopefully only a day or two. We usually wrap up our cases within twenty-four to thirty-six hours."

"What are we going to do to pass the time?" Alexis asked.

"Do either of you know how to play poker?"

**xxxxx**

Somehow during the kiss, Kate had climbed up off the floor and now sat, straddled, across Castle's lap. She panted as the kiss ended, dragging in lungfuls of air as their lips parted, very aware of the heat burning everywhere their bodies came in contact with one another. His hands tangled in her hair, one cupping the back of her head. Their foreheads rested together.

"Being with you makes me happy," he whispered throatily.

"Me too." She closed her eyes and smiled sadly as she pulled away. "But we can't do this now."

"Why not?"

Her heart ached at the childlike innocence of his question and the hurt etched onto his face. He lived in the moment - here and now - but she couldn't.

"We need to focus on getting this case solved," she said carefully. "I need to be able to concentrate."

"We're supposed to be relaxing this evening. I can't think of anything more relaxing than - "

Kate stood and backed away. "I can't. Not now. Not like this."

"You don't want this?" His eyes had that sweet sorrowful puppy look to them that melted her heart.

She dragged her hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. "Yes. God knows, I want it Castle," she said, voice ragged and full of emotion. "But this is important. My life, your life, your family's life could be at stake here. _ We need to solve this._"

He nodded as she spoke, and stood, professionalism beginning to return. "And after it's over?"

She took a deep breath. "After it's over I need to talk to Josh." She winced inwardly as he flinched. "I need to make sure it's over before we … " She stopped and bit her lip. "I can't cheat on him, Castle. I just can't. No matter how great the temptation. I couldn't live with myself afterwards."

"I understand," he said softly, eyes glowing with promise. "So, one day … ?" He left the question unspoken.

Kate lifted a hand impulsively and touched his cheek. "I care for you more than you know," she whispered. "And one day … " She stopped and smiled. "Yes."

He cupped her hand and held it against his cheek. "Then I'll wait," he said huskily.

"For how long?" The words were barely a whisper.

"As long as it takes."

**xxxxx**

"Reach into my bag and grab the HDMI cable, will you?" Castle called over his shoulder as he pulled the TV away from the wall.

"HDMI cable? What for?" Kate unzipped his duffel and reached into it, blushing furiously as she pulled out a pair of underwear. She stuffed them back in and pulled out the cable.

"What are you using it for?" she asked casually as she brought it to him.

"Making magic." He grinned and connected one end to the TV and one to his laptop. Then he connected his cellphone to the computer and transferred something over. Kate gasped as the TV screen lit up.

"The murder board!"

He grinned and joined her on the bed. "I took a picture of it before I left … you know, for future reference."

"I think I love you."

"You say that now … "

They shared a glance then both looked back at the screen. "Okay, get to work Castle. I'm going to let the guys know where we are." Kate pulled out her phone.

"Text, don't call. It's less traceable."

She gave him a funny look. "Thanks. I think you're really getting the hang of this police stuff."

"I'm a quick study."

"Quick? It's only taken you three years." She grinned.

The room was silent for a few minutes as she composed her message. Castle stared at the board, as he had earlier at her apartment, hoping some coincidence or fact would jump out at him. Nothing did.

"Anything?" Kate asked, dropping down beside him again.

"Not yet. I think we need to talk out loud. It helps me think."

"Okay, so … Vulcan Simmons. Gang involvement. Drug kingpin. Head honcho of Washington Heights?"

"Perhaps. Where does the brother fit in?"

"Succession? Maybe he inherited the 'family business' when his brother was killed."

"Vulcan … do you suppose that's a nickname?"

"I should hope so otherwise his parents deserve some serious punishment."

"Agreed. So who would stand to gain by removing both of them?"

"What did they know that was dangerous? I'm sure there are plenty of reasons people would want them out of the way but it's not coincidence that they were killed shortly after my mother's murder case was reopened. The threat I received fits in with that."

"What did they know about your mother's murder? We know McAllister tried to throw us off the real scent by implicating Simmons, but did Simmons actually _know_ anything?"

"He as good as admitted doing it in our interview," Kate said, voice dark.

Castle glanced at her face, seeing the emotion she couldn't hide. "Okay, so let's assume he did it and his brother knew - "

" - or helped - "

" - under someone else's orders. Who's?"

"If she was looking into the death of Bob Armand, the FBI agent, anyone who had something to lose by her finding out the truth. We know Raglan and McAllister knew who did it and covered it up by fingering Pulgatti. Why?"

"Whoever gave the order was powerful enough to silence them if they didn't do as they were told."

They digested the implications for a moment, eyes searching one another's.

"Who was the police chief twelve years ago?" Castle asked, voice quiet.

"I've got a better question. Who was the chief nineteen years ago when Armand was killed?"

"And how was it covered up? The death of an FBI agent working under cover in the mob is big. It took someone with clout to hush that up."

"Someone who didn't want an in-depth FBI investigation into organized crime here in New York."

"Someone who was in the pay of said organized crime, perchance?" Castle suggested.

Kate exhaled. "I'm not liking where this is going, Castle."

"You shouldn't. Someone is pretty desperate to preserve that dirty little secret and they're not going to let anyone get in their way."

Kate swallowed hard. "We're going to have to have absolutely unshakeable proof if we're going after a police chief and city officials."

"It's not going to be easy."

"Nothing worth doing ever is."

Their eyes met and Castle reached out and took her hand. "We can do this."

"Together."

"Always."

**xxxxx**

"Dammit." Montgomery was not pleased that not getting the answers he wanted and swearing both seemed to be a more frequently occurring phenomenon lately. "The cheek of this guy is just … " He gritted his teeth.

"It's like he's always one step ahead of us," Ryan said.

"He is. If he's one of us then he knows exactly what we're going to do and what we're going to look for, so he gives it to us."

"So how are we going to find out who took the gun if he knows that's what we're looking for and is leading us astray?"

"Question everyone from here to evidence and back. Question everyone who was down in forensics this morning. We need to know who had access to those areas."

Ryan snapped his notebook shut. "Yes sir."

"Have you heard from Beckett or Esposito yet?"

"Both. Beckett and Castle are fine. Can't say where they are but they're busy working on the back end."

"Good."

"Esposito checked in about half an hour ago. They're all fine."

"Excellent. Now let's get some answers. Time is ticking."

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Eight ~_

"I'll see your ten and raise you twenty."

Esposito fixed Alexis with a penetrating glare. She didn't flinch. "You're bluffing."

She put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "If you don't see my bet you'll never know."

He growled.

"Ante up, detective boy," she said flirtatiously.

His eyebrows raised to an almost comical high. "I can see your father's been teaching you."

She grinned. "Everything he knows."

He turned to Martha. "You'd better be prepared then because you're all in for a wild ride."

"It's nothing new to me, dear. I raised Richard, remember?"

"It's a wonder you're still sane."

"Some would argue that."

Alexis leaned over and hugged her grandmother. "I love you Grams."

"Sane or not, you're a very lucky woman, Mrs. Rodgers." He smiled.

"I know."

**xxxxx**

Kate ran a tired hand through her tousled hair. "Well, I guess that's about all we can do from here. We'll have to get back to it tomorrow morning when we have the resources to do some real investigating."

"Good, 'cause I'm beat." Castle studied her. "And you look tired. Not surprising. It's been a helluva day."

She smiled. "Helluva day, indeed. I think I'll take a long, hot shower and then try to get some sleep."

"That sounds like a perfect idea."

A mischievous glint lit up her eyes. "I wasn't inviting you to join me, Castle."

He blushed deeply. "I wasn't …. I didn't mean … really … "

"I'm just teasing you."

"And it's something you excel at. I'll consider myself uninvited to the shower, but if you need anything - "

She grinned over her shoulder as she brushed past him. "I know where to find you."

**xxxxx**

Castle lay on the bed, fingers laced behind his head, listening to the sound of the shower.

_She cares for me. She said yes_.

Like the grinch after his revelation, his heart felt as if it had grown several sizes and was about to burst right through his ribcage. He couldn't seem get past _yes_ to see where things were going, but he didn't need to yet. Knowing that this waiting and wondering time, loving her but knowing he'd likely never have her as anything other than a friend, was over and that yes, one day they would explore something deeper, made him happier than he'd been in a long, long time. For once he felt as if life was practically perfect.

"You want to move over so I can have some of the bed?" Kate's voice broke into his thoughts.

Castle flushed. His mind had been so deeply occupied he hadn't even heard the bathroom door open. "I'll just - " He jumped off the bed and pointed at the chair. "You can have the bed."

Kate frowned. "Don't be silly. You can't sleep in the chair. It's a big bed. I'm sure we can both fit."

The scent of her freshly washed hair - flowery, unlike it's usual smell - was strong and it was already weakening his knees. Of course it didn't help that she'd put her damp hair up in a bun, several wet tendrils curling down the back of her neck, and that the neckline of the t-shirt she was wearing was loose and wide and showed off more creamy skin that usual. His imagination, always vivid, was already picturing what lie underneath the clothing before he could tell it not to go there. _This is a test, right?_

He gulped and smiled. "Should we draw a line dividing it in half? I mean, I wouldn't want you invading my half."

Her lips pursed but her eyes twinkled at his humour. "No, certainly not. And you know what'll happen if you invade _my _half."

"Twenty-six ways. I got it."

She crawled under the covers. "I'm serious Castle. I may not have a gun to put under my pillow but I'll be watching to make sure you behave."

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't call me ma'am," she snapped. "Oh, and Castle? If you snore, I'll suffocate you with a pillow," she called after him as he disappeared into the bathroom.

He popped his head out. "Good to know. Thanks for the warning."

Castle spend a little longer than he needed to in the bathroom. His cheeks were hot, as was another part of him, and he decided a quick shower to give him time to cool down was in order.

He ran the water lukewarm and tried to think of other things besides Kate (his mother, Alexis, baseball … ) but everything kept coming back to her when he closed his eyes. Eventually he sighed and gave in, knowing there was no other way. It wouldn't be the first time he'd had to take care of his needs in the shower whilst thinking of her (not even close to the first time), but he felt awkward knowing she was in the next room.

It didn't take long for him to reach his release, squeezing his eyes shut and whispering her name over and over as he pictured her there with him.

He finished up the shower and dressed for bed, crawling under the sheets gingerly. "Goodnight," he said softly. "Sleep well."

Her eyes remained closed and her breathing regular. She was already asleep.

**xxxxx**

The trilling of her phone woke Kate early. She'd fallen asleep instantly - didn't even remember Castle joining her in bed - but had had a restless night. Fragments of dreams and nightmares blurred together in her head as she struggled towards consciousness.

She finally managed to pry her eyes open only to discover the warmth and comfort she was feeling was coming from Castle's body, pressed up against her front. She flushed and pulled back, the loss of her body heat waking him.

"Kate?" he whispered before his eyes were open. The word sounded familiar, comfortable on his lips, and she wondered with a deepening warmth, if he often dreamt of her and woke, calling out her name.

"I'm here Castle," she said quietly.

His eyes opened and a look of relief crossed his face. "Thank god. I was dreaming … nevermind."

"What?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to say. It wasn't nice."

"Tell me." Her eyes pleaded with him.

"I dreamt you'd been shot and I was watching you die," he said raggedly. "Your blood was pouring out all over the ground and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"It was just a dream, Castle," she said gently. "No one's going to shoot me."

"Good." His hand stole out from under the covers and touched her cheek for a second.

She swallowed and cleared her throat. "So um … I just got a text. You want to bet on who it's from?"

"I'm not very good at guessing games, especially in the morning."

"Fine. Why don't you order some breakfast while I find out."

He lifted himself up to an elbow. "What do you want?"

"Anything, as long as there's coffee."

**xxxxx**

"Hey guys, you have a good night?" Esposito said as Castle and Kate stepped off the elevator.

"Just peachy," Kate said dryly, sitting down at her desk and sipping her coffee.

"It could certainly have been a lot worse," Castle said. "Beckett is a pretty restless sleeper but at least she doesn't snore."

Kate's cheeks coloured. "Castle - "

Esposito's eyes widened. "Did you guys … " he asked quietly.

"We shared a bed, nothing more."

"Really?"

"Really."

"_Really_?"

"We didn't exactly have a choice. There was only the one bed," Castle explained.

"I can't believe you guys didn't - "

"Twenty-six, Castle. Twenty-six," Kate said warningly.

Castle bit his lip and nodded. "We didn't. So um … how was _your _night?"

"Peachy," Esposito said in the same dry voice Kate had just used. "Your daughter cleaned me out at poker. She's quite the shark."

Castle puffed out his chest proudly. "I taught her everything I know."

"Remind me not to play with you." The detective chuckled. "The night was uneventful. Your mom wasn't too pleased at having me spend the night in the room with them but Beckett told me not to let them out of my sight, so I didn't."

Castle touched his friend's shoulder. "Thank you."

"No prob, friend."

"So what have we got?" Kate asked, changing the subject.

"A lot of stuff that's for your ears only," Montgomery said, walking over and joining them. "We need to talk."

""How 'bout the usual haunt?" Castle suggested.

"Good idea. Meet there in half an hour."

**xxxxx**

"So what's the news on the Simmons' murders?" Kate asked once they were settled at a table in the corner of Castle's bar.

"Not good. We've been trying to trace whoever got into the crime scene lab and switched the guns."

"Why didn't you just check the register? We all have to sign in and out when we visit." Castle shrugged.

Esposito threw him a withering glance. "We checked that first."

"Guy used my name - _my name_," Montgomery said, fairly quivering with anger still. "It's not quite my signature but enough like it that no one would question it if they didn't have a reason to."

"Surveillance cameras?"

"We don't have any."

"Really?" Castle was surprised. "I would have thought - "

"Most people aren't gutsy enough to steal from a police station, Castle. Would you?"

"Hell no, but then why would I?" His brows knitted together. "Though that would make a great plot point in the next Nikki Heat novel," he mused.

"Focus Castle," Kate said sternly. "So what _do_ we have?"

"Officer Davidson. Works in property crimes. Witnesses put him downstairs in the lab this morning though he would have no official reason for being there," Esposito explained.

"He works here. Isn't that enough reason? I've gone poking around other departments just to see what they look like," Kate objected.

"Here's where it gets good," Montgomery put in. "I thought the name Davidson sounded familiar so I did a little checking. Brian Davidson's grandfather Jack was captain of the twelfth and later promoted to Chief of Police for the district of Manhattan in 1997. Also, his son George, Brian's father, was a bigwig in political office at that time. He was deputy mayor."

Kate shared a glance with Castle before turning back to face the others. "That fits in with our theory about my mother's death," she said, and explained the connection they'd reasoned out the night before.

Esposito let out a low whistle. "This goes all the way up to the mayor and chief of police, huh? No wonder the hit men themselves won't spill. There's some heavy weight behind that cover up."

"And there's some serious pressure on us to get it right," Montgomery added. "We can't be sloppy."

"So where do we start?" Castle asked.

"Same place my mother did," Kate answered grimly. "In the past. The answers to today's murders lie in what happened nineteen years ago. We have to bust open the ring of secrecy that's still keeping people quiet today. Esposito, you start digging in the archives. Castle and I will go shake some people down and see what falls out, starting with Brian Davidson."

"Be careful," Montgomery admonished. "I can't believe I'm saying this Castle, but don't you dare leave Beckett alone. You watch her back, you hear me?"

Castle nodded at the captain though his eyes were on Kate's. "Always."

**TBC**

**A/N: **Thank you as always, to my wonderful readers. I'm so thrilled to be taking you on this journey with me and even more so when I hear you're enjoying it too. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Nine ~_

Kate walked into the interview room and sat, saying nothing.

Brian Davidson frowned. "I don't understand why I'm here."

"I'm detective Kate Beckett, homicide," she said by way of introduction, not volunteering any more.

"Homicide?"

"I have some questions for you. We'll start with the routine. Your name is Brian Davidson and you work in property crimes here at the twelfth, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Badge number?"

"C three ninety-six."

Kate opened the file she'd brought in with her. "How long have you worked here?"

"Four years. What is this about? I don't know anything about a homicide." He sat back, squaring his jaw.

Kate leaned forward. "You were reportedly seen down in the crime scene lab this morning, around the time an important piece of evidence from a homicide went missing."

"So? I work here. I've been down there before. You have no reason to think I took it."

Kate laced her fingers. "Tell me why you were down there this morning."

"Am I a suspect?" he asked belligerently.

"If you answer my question satisfactorily, you won't be. Why were you down in the CSL this morning, officer Davidson?" she repeated firmly.

"I don't have to give you my reasons."

"No you don't."

"You can't arrest me without evidence. I know my rights."

She stood. "I would expect you to. As such, you know I can keep you here for twenty-four hours for further questioning." Her muscles tensed as he stood, almost threatening in his gestures toward her, before he allowed the guards to lead him away.

Castle came to stand at her shoulder almost protectively as she stalked into the observation room where he'd been watching. "He wasn't very helpful, was he?"

She exhaled, a growly, breathy sound. "All it accomplished was to put him on his guard and if we don't get answers in the next twenty-four hours he'll just alert those behind him when we let him go."

"Then we'd better get answers."

She looked up and met his eyes. "Hopefully the next person we see will be more helpful."

"Who's that?"

"Lockwood."

"Can I come in this time?"

A corner of her mouth turned up. "We'll see."

"Pretty please?"

"Don't annoy me in the car on the way there and you'll earn yourself points."

**xxxxx**

"Lockwood. It's god to see you again." Kate smiled at the man with an almost real smile.

He didn't respond or even look as if he saw her there. Castle wanted to dive across the table and shake some manners into him but as Kate had instructed, he sat still and silent.

"I told you I'd be back to visit. Now it hasn't been long and I don't imagine that change of heart has happened yet, but we have some things to talk about."

His eyebrow raised but he said nothing.

"Are you ready to tell me who hired you?" No answer. "Well, how about I tell you some things. First thing is a name. Davidson." She paused, watching him like a hawk. "Does that name mean anything to you?"

"Should it?"

Castle almost cheered. Finally the man was breaking!

"Oh, it should. Several generations of Davidsons, in fact."

The merest flicked of emotion crossed the man's face.

"Let's try Jack Davidson. George Davidson. Maybe even Brian Davidson."

"Why should they mean anything to me?"

"One of them hired you to do their dirty work. I want to know which one."

His left eyelid flickered momentarily and Castle wanted to nudge his partner and let her know, but he didn't need to; Kate had seen it as well.

"Or maybe I'm wrong and it was all of them. Maybe they're all in it together." She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm not telling you anything," Lockwood growled.

Kate put her hands on the table as she rose to a standing position over him. "You already did." She drew in a sharp breath. "Come on, Castle. We're done here."

"That was amazing," Castle said as they drove away from the prison. "The way you got him to admit … man, are you good at this."

She smirked and peeked over at him quickly. "That's why I get paid to be a cop and you just get paid to write."

"Okay, your job is harder and more dangerous, but mine pays better," he quipped.

"Believe me, if I'd wanted to become rich I wouldn't have chosen this profession."

"Touche. But it's good you did or the world would have lost one of the most extraordinary detectives alive today."

Her lip curled. "Flattery will get you nowhere."

"Really? Nowhere? That's disheartening." He gave her an exaggerated pout.

Kate laughed out loud. "Come on, Castle, you know the way to my heart already."

"Coffee?"

"Bingo."

**xxxxx**

Esposito shook his head as he read the article for the second time. Politicians disgusted him. From China to Cuba to the USA, they were all the same; more concerned with covering up their misdeeds than actually doing right by their people.

It was clear from the newspaper articles he'd pulled from the archives, that there had been a considerable mob presence in Washington Heights in the eighties and nineties. Some investigative articles hinted at conspiracies; implicating various city politicians and stating that they were collaborating with the godfather of crime, but in subsequent articles the theories were heartily denounced. Esposito wondered if that was the work of lawyers threatening libellous lawsuits or those very same politicians having 'enforcers' convince the journalists to stop prying into their business.

He took copies of the articles for Beckett, knowing she'd want to interview the journalists to get the truth. He hoped it would give them the breaks they needed to blow this case wide open.

**xxxxx**

"I don't play poker."

Martha cocked an eyebrow at the detective.

"Really, I don't," Ryan protested.

"I find that hard to believe. Your partner is good. I would imagine the two of you sometimes unwind from work, sharing a beer and playing a few friendly games together."

Ryan's cheeks reddened visibly. "That's why I don't play. I have no poker face whatsoever and it doesn't take long for me to lose everything," he admitted. "Esposito has cleaned me out more times than I can count, and that's only playing gin rummy."

"We can teach you, can't we dear?" Martha entreated her granddaughter. "Alexis is very good for her age - "

"So I've heard," he said dryly. "Javier warned me about you two."

"Well that wasn't very nice of him." Martha frowned. "We'll play without money, how's that? Once you get better we'll see about adding some stakes back. Does that sound fair?" She looked at Alexis.

"Sounds fair to me, Grams," the young girl smiled.

"You … you … you two are too much like Castle," Ryan said, stuttering. "Too charming for your own good."

Martha shrugged, arms flung wide open. "Well, we all have our faults."

**xxxxx**

They met at Starbucks this time. Castle had offered his bar as a staging point but the others had all been in agreement to vary their meeting places. Perhaps they were being overly cautious but better safe than sorry was a good motto, even for a cop. Dead couldn't be taken back.

Kate missed working at her desk though. She missed the comfort of_ her_ chair, the familiarity of her organization, and most of all the murder board. She missed the freedom to just stand in front of it, look, and speculate. Castle had done the best he could to recreate it but it just didn't feel the same.

"Four hours, people. What have we got to show for it?" Montgomery asked.

Kate relayed the contents of her interviews. Her boss jotted down notes. Esposito gave the abridged version of the articles he'd read and handed over the journalists' names.

"We're making progress," the captain said appreciatively. "Beckett, you and Castle take the first one; Esposito you get the second. Contact each other when your interviews are done and we'll regroup to plan our next attack."

"Um, Captain?" Castle said as they prepared to break up.

"Yes?"

"Have you heard from my family? I just want to make sure they're okay."

Montgomery smiled indulgently.

"Ryan texted me about half an hour ago," Esposito said.

"Everything's okay?" Castle's relief was evident. Kate touched his arm sympathetically.

"Fine. Apparently Alexis is teaching Kevin how to play with a poker face when gambling, something I haven't been able to teach him in the year we've been working together."

Castle grinned. Kate patted his arm. "So the rest of your family is just as stubborn and single-minded as you are."

"Where do you think I got it?"

"It could have been from your father," she suggested.

"I don't have a father."

"Everyone has a father, Castle. It's biologically impossible for you to exist without one." She pretended to think of something. "Oh wait, maybe you weren't born. Maybe you were hatched. I've always suspected you were an alien."

"Me too," Esposito chimed in.

Kate's grin faded. "Speaking of fathers … "

"Have you talked to yours lately?" Castle interrupted, evidently on the same wavelength. She shook her head. "Maybe you should."

"Maybe I should. Particularly now."

They all exchanged a knowing glance.

"Maybe you can get him to join Castle's family. He'll be safer under guard right now," Montgomery said.

She nodded. "Yes sir. Then we'll get onto … " She checked the name. "Janice McFarlane."

"Good. Go."

**xxxxx**

Kate pulled up in front of her father's apartment, heart beginning to pound. She thought she was keeping her cool but Castle touched her hand, tentatively at first, then closing it into his.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" She smiled weakly.

"You seem tense … nervous. Not quite like yourself."

"You're imagining things, Castle." She pulled her hand out of his and stepped out of the car. "Come on."

She might have been pretending amusement with his study of her but inside she was rattled. How did he know her so well? She was good at hiding her true feelings but he always seemed to be able to get through her defences as though they weren't there, seeing everything she strove to keep to herself.

It struck her suddenly - bad timing as always for these self-revelations, that perhaps that was why she'd never really shared much of herself with Josh. She wanted to see if he could figure it out for himself. If he could read her the way Castle did. If he even _wanted _to dig deeper and get to know her better. Maybe all along she'd been testing him, comparing him to Castle, and watching to see if he'd measure up. Not that Castle was perfect - not by any stretch of the imagination. But he was there - always - watching her, helping her, caring for her, watching her back and sometimes even knowing her better than she knew herself. Sometimes she took for granted how much she appreciated, _needed, _what he gave her.

She slipped her hand in his for a moment as they climbed the stairs. "Thanks," she said softly.

His smile didn't need words.

"Katie." Jim Beckett enfolded his daughter in a large hug as he opened the door to them. "It's good to see you. I've missed you."

She hugged him hard, blinking back tears. "I've missed you too, dad."

"Mr. Castle. It's nice to see you again." The two men shook hands warmly.

"Please call me Rick. No need for formalities."

"Only if you call me Jim."

He ushered them into his tiny apartment, offering them refreshments.

"No, we really can't stay," Kate said, choosing to remain standing and leaving her gloves on.

"Working on a case?" Jim said, resignation and just a trace of disapproval in his voice.

In that moment Castle understood Kate's uneasiness. She was passionate about her police work but her father disapproved of it. Much as they loved one another, there was a definite chasm between them. This realization made him even more thankful for his mother's unconditional support of his life and career choice.

"Mom's case," Kate said simply.

Jim turned away from the kitchen to face them. "There are new developments?"

"Yes, but we can't reveal them yet. Someone is not happy that information has come to light and is threatening me."

He frowned and moved towards his daughter. "Katie - "

"I'm okay, and we're working hard to get this solved before anything happens, but I'm afraid you may be in danger as well."

"Me? Why would I be in danger?"

"Because of your connection to this particular case … and to Kate." Castle's voice was low, serious. "For that same reason my mother and daughter are under guard right now."

"We'd like you to join them."

"I don't think that's necessary."

"I do." Kate was firm. "This is a very complex and dangerous case and someone is going to a lot of trouble to make sure it stays unsolved. I don't want you ending up as collateral damage. I don't think I could handle losing another parent." Her voice broke on the last few words, but she held her head high.

Castle reached for her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed back. Hard.

Jim watched this exchange and nodded. "I hope your family doesn't mind me intruding on them," he said with a dry grin.

Castle grinned back. "I'm sure they'll happy to have you join them."

"I'll just grab a few things."

Kate smiled at Castle as they waited, realizing their hands were still joined but also that she liked the feeling and didn't want to let go.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Ten ~_

A pretty brunette opened the door to their knock. She had a pleasant, inquisitive face but the multitude of lines around her eyes belied Kate's initial guess at her age and spoke of the many tragedies she'd seen in her years as a journalist.

"Janice McFarlane?" Kate showed her badge. The woman nodded. "I'm detective Kate Beckett with the NYPD. This is Richard Castle, the novelist." Castle gave a little wave. "We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Of course. Come in." Janice opened the door wide and swept her arm towards the living room. "Come, sit in the parlour. May I get you something to drink?"

Kate glanced at Castle who looked at her and mouthed "parlour?" She shrugged and turned back to Janice. "No, thank you. We won't be staying long."

"What can I help you with?" Janice asked as they sat.

"It's about the murder of Bob Armand, the FBI agent, back in 1992."

A guarded look darkened the woman's blue eyes. "They got the man who did it, didn't they?"

"New information has come to light that makes us believe Joe Pulgatti was framed and that the killer or killers are still on the loose," Kate explained.

"I don't know anything."

Castle held out the newspaper article she'd written many years ago. "This says you have suspicions, or at least had suspicions at the time."

Kate watched narrowly as the woman's attentions turned away from her to the writer by her side. The guarded look she'd noticed a few moments earlier had now become almost abject fear.

"Please, it was a long time ago. I had foolish ideas but I was wrong. I don't know anything and I can't help you."

Kate leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "Did they threaten you Ms. McFarlane? Did someone tell you you or your family would get hurt if you didn't back off?"

"I don't want any trouble," the woman said, blinking rapidly.

"Are they still threatening you?" Castle asked quietly.

The woman nodded, tears beginning to fall down her leathery cheeks. "Every year, on the anniversary of agent Armand's death, I get a letter in the mail, warning me to keep quiet or my daughter will get hurt. Even after I moved several times, the letters still kept coming, as if someone's been watching me all these years." Her lips trembled.

Kate took her hand. "I know this is difficult for you but we need your help."

"I can't. I'm sorry you have to investigate this and put yourself in danger from these thugs but I just can't help you."

"My mother was looking into Armand's death when she was murdered," Kate admitted in nearly a whisper.

"You see how dangerous it is? Just leave it be," Janice pleaded with Kate. "Don't get yourself into the same situation. Walk away. It doesn't matter anymore."

"It does matter Ms McFarlane," Kate said firmly. "It matters to the people left behind. Bob Armand's family will never know what really happened to him. I'll never know who killed my mother or why. We deserve justice - the people who've lost loved ones and will never know why unless we find out the truth and bring the real criminals to justice."

Her impassioned plea drew a flood of tears from Janice. "I'd like to help you but I'm afraid for my family. It's not just my daughter but my grandson … " Her eyes flew to a picture on the side table, of a pretty woman and a small boy about three years old.

"We can put them into protective custody," Castle offered. "Please Ms McFarlane, help us find out the truth. Whoever is responsible for these deaths is still out there and has committed more murders. We have to stop them."

"All right. I'll give you what I've got." She stood shakily. "I've got a safe in my bedroom where I've kept everything I dug up in my investigation. I'll get it for you."

Kate nodded at Castle appreciatively when they were alone. "Good pleading there, Castle. You really convinced her."

"You weren't so bad yourself, detective."

Janice thrust a pile of papers into Kate's hands when she returned to the room. "Here. I never did do anything with them. After the threats began I bought a safe and hid everything. I hoped if I just forgot about it, it would all go away." She hung her head. "It's cowardly, I know. I should have kept pushing. But I was afraid for my daughter."

Kate touched her arm. "You did what you had to do, Janice. We all do what we have to, to protect those we love. No one blames you for the choices you made." She smiled sympathetically. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a couple of phone calls to make."

**xxxxx**

"I didn't know you had connections in the FBI." Castle looked pointedly at his partner.

She smiled secretively, then put the car in gear and drove away. "I have many secrets, Castle." She chuckled. "We've had some dealings with the FBI - before your time with us, and I kept those contacts, knowing I'd probably need them someday. It doesn't matter that I did, really; the fact that we're reopening a federal investigation into the murder of an undercover FBI agent is enough for them to want to get involved. We might as well benefit from their resources since our own are wearing thin."

"How do we know we can trust them?"

"We don't. But I'm going to assume none of them were involved in the conspiracy."

"You know what happens when you 'assume', detective. It makes an 'ass' out of - "

"Shut up Castle."

"Shutting up."

"How 'bout you make yourself useful and contact Esposito. Let him know we're done with Janice and find out where he's at."

"We're meeting at Georgie's, uptown," Castle said, a short while later, breaking the silence.

"It'll take us forever to get there in this traffic," Kate moaned.

Castle smirked. "Are you tired of my company already, detective?"

"I was tired of your company about half an hour after I met you but hard as I've tried, I just haven't been able to get rid of you. I've kind of gotten used to you being the mischievous little voice in my head." They stopped at a red light and she turned and smiled at him.

"I suspect you've got a mischievous little voice of your own in your head already," he teased. "I'm just encouraging it to come out and play a little more often."

"You are a bad influence on me, Castle."

"And you're a good influence on me, much as I hate to admit it. So it all balances out."

She smiled again but this time there was something more than just amusement in her eyes. "If we get out of this alive and mostly unscathed, I … " She swallowed hard, voice cracking a little.

A horn honked behind them several times and the spell was broken.

Castle read out loud as Kate navigated the busy roads. There was much to digest so no real conversation ensued but at least, he figured, they were using their time to familiarize themselves with the facts.

An hour later they drew up to the diner. "Finally!" Kate exploded, obviously stifling a curse as she stiffly got out of the car. "We couldn't have picked somewhere more central?" she asked Esposito as he joined them on the sidewalk.

Shots rang out.

One whizzed over their heads; another hit Kate's car. Yet another buzzed the pavement at Castle's feet, causing sparks to dance over his shoes.

"Get down!" Kate screamed, drawing her gun and throwing herself at Castle, knocking him to the ground and landing on top of him. They crawled behind the car. "Where did the shots come from?" she asked.

Esposito pointed. "South."

"Cover me. I'm going to take a look, see if I can find our shooter."

Esposito nodded, cocking his gun.

"Kate … " Castle touched her arm.

"Stay here," she said tersely. Then, more gently, "be careful."

"You too." He could barely get the words out over the lump in his throat and pounding heart. What if she was hit? What if she died? He couldn't even begin to fathom it. It had been bad enough watching her put herself in harm's way when he'd harboured secret feelings for her but now, knowing she cared for him as well and one day they'd be together, the thought of losing her nearly paralyzed him with fear. What would it be like when they _were_ together and he had to let her walk into danger, never knowing if she'd walk back out? Castle wasn't sure he was strong enough to do it.

"There!" she yelled, pointing at a man rapidly disappearing into an alleyway two blocks down the road.

Esposito lowered his gun. "He's too far away and there are too many people between us. I don't think I can make the shot."

"Don't try," Kate advised. "We don't want any civilian casualties."

Castle popped his head up to peek over the car's hood. "Is it safe to come out yet?" he asked slowly.

The voice behind him made him jump, as it did the others. "No."

They turned in unison, ending up facing Captain Montgomery and another man in a suit.

"How the hell did they find us?" Kate demanded. "We took every precaution … "

"Not every," the unfamiliar man said. He held out his hand. "Give me your phone."

"We've been texting not calling so they can't trace … "

"Give me your phone, Kate."

_Kate? He knows her?_ Castle frowned, already not liking the man.

She narrowed her eyes but pulled the phone from her pocket and tossed it to him. He threw it on the ground and stepped on it, cracking the outer shell with his heel.

"Hey!" Castle yelled, "you can't just … "

"Yes he can, Castle," Montgomery interrupted. "This is Agent Peter Nieman from the New York office of the FBI. He's joining us in this investigation."

"Heading it up, you mean," the man said arrogantly. "I'm head of the internal investigation unit and as such, this is my baby. You all work for me now." He bent down and picked up the pieces of Kate's broken phone, taking the rest of it apart and showing a tiny piece of plastic to them. "See this? GPS tracker. They know everywhere you've been, Beckett. By the way, hello Kate. It's nice to see you again." He smiled widely at her, ignoring Castle and Esposito, flanking her.

"Hi Peter." She smiled back. "You've really worked your way up the ladder haven't you?" Castle's heart did a flip flop as the air crackled between them.

"I just do my job the best I can. Can't help that I've been noticed and promoted up to the top." He grinned.

"So what do we do now?" Esposito interrupted and Castle could hear the same frustration and anxiety he was feeling in his partner's voice.

"Well, we've chased the shooter away so we might as well continue with our plan to meet here and discuss what the next twelve hours holds."

**xxxxx**

Numerous cups of coffee later, notes compared, the group finally fell silent.

"What I want to know is how the hell did they get close enough to me to bug my phone? And how?" Kate growled in frustration.

"Maybe if you take it to the tech lab they can figure out how long it's been transmitting," Castle suggested, "then you could narrow down when and how it happened."

Peter Nieman looked as if he was about to laugh but Captain Montgomery's words stopped him. "Good thinking, Castle. Let's head back there now and get on that."

"I think we should assemble all of our information on the murder boards," Kate suggested. "Then Castle and I can take some shots and have something to work with at the hotel."

"Hotel?" Peter cocked an inquiring eyebrow at her. "You guys don't work at the precinct anymore?"

"Beckett was directly threatened by our killer," Montgomery explained. "Whoever he is, he has access to her home and to the station so neither place is safe to stay or work. We moved her for her own safety."

"She nearly got shot just now. Where's her guard detail?" he demanded.

"You're looking at him," Castle said, voice low and dangerous.

"You're not serious, are you? A writer protecting Kate? What are you guys thinking?"

Montgomery jumped in, sensing a fire about to spark. "We don't have a lot of people we can trust. Castle and Beckett are a good team. They work well together and watch each other's backs."

"I'll just bet they do."

His open leer raised a hot flush on Castle's cheeks. A quick peek at Kate's face showed him hers matched.

"Let's get back to the precinct and get to work," Montgomery said, standing to let them know the conversation was over. "We have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in."

"How 'bout I ride with you?" Peter said, nudging Kate as they rose and put on their jackets. "We can catch up on all that's happened since we last worked together."

"When exactly was that?" Castle asked, almost politely.

"Five or six years ago," she said vaguely. "I'm not quite sure."

"I'm hurt." Peter pouted. "We made such a great team you and I, both at work and at home," he winked at Castle, "if you know what I mean. I'm surprised that you've all but forgotten me, Katie."

"Don't call me Katie," she said tersely. "No one calls me Katie."

Castle's jaw slackened and his mouth dropped open before he could stop it.

"Castle, would you mind riding with Esposito? Peter and I have some things to talk about."

"But … " He wanted to remind her he'd vowed not to leave her side, to stay with her and protect her, but he knew the words would sound foolish.

"I'll be fine. I'm riding with an armed FBI agent. How much safer can I be?" Her eyes pleaded with him.

""Okay, but we'll be right behind you."

"Always." It was merely a whisper but their eyes shared a smile of feelings not spoken and not needed to be.

**TBC**

**A/N: **Thank you for all of your wonderful, supportive comments. It makes me happy to know you're enjoying the story!


	11. Chapter 11

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Eleven ~_

After ten minutes of silence and several surreptitious glances, Esposito finally ventured an opinion. "He seems like a bit of an ass."

Castle looked at him like he had two heads. "A _bit_?"

Esposito sighed. "Well, I think we're stuck with him so we're just going to have to deal."

Castle's eyes narrowed. "How can she stand him?"

"She's a professional, bro. She's learned to deal with arrogant jerks like him 'cause she has to. Goodness knows, there seem to be enough of them in law enforcement."

Castle merely grunted.

"You're just in a tizzy because he hinted that they'd slept together, aren't you? Don't try to pretend with me, Castle. I know you have feelings for her."

"Okay, suppose I do … "

"Suppose my ass," Esposito interrupted, grinning. "Of course you do. You've been hanging out here with her for nearly three years. You spend more time working our job than your own. You put your life on the line for her. If that doesn't say you're in love with her, I don't know what does."

Castle's cheeks coloured at his friends' words. "Okay." He sighed. "I admit it. I love her."

"Have you told her?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I have."

"Great! What did she say?" Esposito's face fell. "Oh, wait, she's still seeing Motorcycle Boy, isn't she?"

"Yes, yes she is. Hopefully not for too much longer."

"Oh?"

Castle couldn't help the smile that lit up his face. "She cares for me too. After this case is over … "

"She's dumping him in favour of you?" The detective stole a quick sidelong glance as Castle nodded. " 'Bout damn time. How that woman can be so intuitive and fearless when it comes to police work and yet be such a cowardly lion when it comes to her own feelings, I'll never know."

"You think she's had feelings for me for some time?"

"I know she has. I think she's just been too afraid to act on them, and having someone else around gives her a reason not to."

Castle stared off into space. "She did once tell me I was the risky choice and she preferred the safer option, back when she and Demming had their thing going."

"That was then, this is now," his partner said prosaically. "I think she's realizing Josh is the more risky option and you're the safer one now."

"How do you figure that?"

"Who's the one who's there for her, watching her back and refusing to go home even in the midst of a very dangerous case? You've been with her through thick and thin and showed her you're not just here for the good times. I think it's starting to sink in that you two really are partners and that you're going to be by her side no matter what comes. Where's Josh? Off in some remote backwater saving the world. It's noble and selfless and all but he's not here when she needs him. You are."

"Always," Castle whispered to himself.

"Always." Esposito took a hand off the wheel and slapped his friend's shoulder. "Anyway, I'm happy for you. Both of you. I think you'll make a great pair … assuming you make it out of this mess alive."

"Working on it."

**xxxxx**

"So, Katie … got yourself a new admirer, eh?"

"Don't call me Katie," Kate snapped, knuckles whitening under her gloves as she gripped the wheel.

"Sorry. I thought we knew each other well enough - "

"I meant what I said back there. No one calls me Katie. Only my father gets that honour. In fact most people just call me Beckett. We don't use first names much, or have you forgotten how life at the bottom works now that you're a big boss with a windowed office?"

"Ooh, snippy, aren't we? That's more like the Beckett I remember. She wouldn't have spent her time hanging out with a bestselling crime writer pretending to be a cop."

"That crime writer happens to be a better cop than many cops I know. He doesn't have the training, but he's got the instincts. He can be a pain in the ass sometimes but he's a good partner and has become a close friend."

Peter studied Kate's profile, a fact she was all-too aware of even though she looked steadfastly ahead, both to avoid looking at him and to keep abreast of the traffic.

"So, are you two sleeping together?"

"No!"

He made a sound of disbelief. "Methinks thou dost protest too quickly."

"Castle and I are not sleeping together. Nothing physical is going on between us."

"Not because he doesn't want it. It's obvious from a mile away."

Kate felt her cheeks grow warm. "Perhaps. But we aren't together."

"Does that mean your'e available?" He reached out and touched her arm, igniting sparks up and down it. "I've never forgotten you, Kate," he said softly. "I've dated other women but I've never found anyone quite like you. Maybe us reuniting now is the universe's way of saying we belong together."

"I have a boyfriend, Peter."

"Who?"

"His name's Josh. He's a surgeon."

"Really? Wow, you're moving out of cop circles."

She made a face. "It's hard. Sometimes I understand why cops often just date other cops. Our hours are crazy."

"So what's with the vibe between you and writer man then? You can't deny there's something there. Yes, he wants you, but I can tell you've got something going for him too."

Kate's blush deepened. "It's complicated."

"Complicated how?"

"It's just complicated," she said firmly. "And I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? Let's just focus on the case at hand."

**xxxxx**

Kate's marker flew across the murder board as she hastened to get everything down. She didn't need to hurry; the information wasn't going anywhere, but she was antsy, impatient to see it all laid out like a bunch of puzzle pieces just waiting to be fitted into place. Peter and his chosen team; a couple of detectives borrowed from robbery - thankfully not Demming, Kate didn't think she could handle yet another romantic complication - were sweeping the precinct for bugs and other recording devices so she, Castle and Esposito worked undisturbed.

"According to the report on Armand's death - "

"Which we have to take with a grain of salt since we know Raglan lied about many other things," Esposito interrupted.

"Do you mind? I was in the middle of something there."

"Sorry, man. Go on."

"Are you spinning theories or stories?" Kate asked, one eyebrow rising.

Castle shrugged. "Probably more story than theory," he admitted.

"Let's leave it for later then, shall we?"

"Come on, Beckett," Esposito wheedled. "I was looking forward to the show."

"You should be looking forward to the end of this case so you can start spending time with Lanie instead of getting cleaned out by Castle's family," she said slyly.

"Point."

"Isn't it about shift change time?" She checked her watch. "Ryan must be just about ready to relinquish babysitting duties by now."

"On my way." He touched her arm. "Let me know what happens."

She smiled at him. "Will do. Oh wait, I don't have a phone." Her eyes narrowed and she said pointedly, "unless someone's planning on replacing it."

"You can use mine," Castle offered.

"Nope." Peter walked up behind them with a handful of plastic. "Disposable phones for all of us. Untraceable. We only use them to contact each other, not the outside world."

"Can I use my own phone to - " Castle began.

"No. In fact you have to leave it here. Even having it on you is dangerous. It can be remotely controlled."

"Big Brother really is watching," Castle said, sounding almost surprised.

"You'd better believe it."

"Are you done getting all the info down, Beckett?" Castle asked.

"I think so."

"I'll take some photos and then we can head back to the hotel."

"Not back to that same hotel," Peter said firmly. "And wherever you're going, I'm coming too."

"Oh no you're not."

Peter's hands flew to his hips and an angry look darkened his hazel eyes. "You dare to tell me how to do my job?"

"We have things under control," Castle said, drawing himself up just a little taller. "Beckett and I don't need your help."

"You are neither qualified nor necessary in a delicate investigation of this nature, _Mister_ Castle," Peter said coldly. "You'd be better off going back to your family and staying under police protection."

"Gentlemen." Kate stepped between them. "We don't have time to argue. This is _my _investigation regarding _my_ mother's murder and all surrounding events. _My _life is the one on the line here so I give the orders and you obey me. Capiche?"

Both men nodded.

"Good. Castle, we'll head to the Fairmont and pick up our stuff, then we'll move to the Delta, where we'll get two rooms. Peter, you check on Janice McFarlane and make sure she and her family are safe. If our killers have been monitoring our every move then we've put a huge bullseye on them by talking to her. Make sure your team has them tucked away safely."

"I'm sure they do."

"Check again personally, and then double check. We can't be too careful. Meet us at the Delta when you're done."

**xxxxx**

The ride to the Fairmont was tense and icy cold, spent in absolute silence. Kate bit her lip on the elevator up, desperately wanting to say something but unable to since there were others with them. They began to gather their belongings, still in silence, until she could take it no longer.

"Okay Castle, out with it."

"Out with what?"

"Whatever you're going to say about Peter."

"What makes you think I have anything to say?"

She put her hands on her hips. "I know you better than that, Castle. You always have something to say, particularly when another man hangs around showing interest in me."

His left eyebrow rose. "Thinking pretty highly of yourself aren't you, detective?"

Kate's cheeks pinked but she held her ground. "Oh come on. You can't tell me you're not jealous. I've seen this behaviour from you before. You two were like a pair of peacocks, fluffing up your plumage and preparing to battle it out to the death."

"Maybe I just don't like his know-it-all attitude."

"So it has nothing to do with the fact that I slept with him," she said evenly.

He deflated like a pricked balloon in front of her eyes, reminding her yet again, that despite his tough veneer, Richard Castle was a very sensitive and insecure man, one who was not nearly as self confident as he appeared on the outside.

"So you did?" he asked sadly.

"It was six years ago, Castle. We slept together a couple of times while working a case. It didn't mean anything."

Her words did nothing to alleviate his hang dog expression.

"It was a long time ago, long before I met you, and he was a different man then. I was a different woman. It's all in the past."

"Then why is he so anxious to bring it up now?"

"He's a detective, Castle, just like me. You think he doesn't see that you have feelings for me? Everyone can see. He's needling you because he _can_. The trick is for you not to react. He's pushing your buttons to get you to act like a little kid so he can look superior. Don't let him."

"So you don't care about him or want to … " Castle made a motion with his hands. "Reconnect?"

"I have enough issues on my plate for a five-course meal. Adding Mr. Arrogant to the menu is not part of my plan. Trust me."

He smiled, finally, eyes lighting up to their usual bright blue. "Good to know."

She brushed past him on the way to the bathroom, touching his arm as she passed. "No need to be jealous, Castle. Besides, I'm not yours yet anyway."

"Will you ever be?" his eyes twinkled with humour.

"Bingo." She grinned. "You know me too well. I may choose to be with someone but I'll never belong to anyone but me."

Camaraderie restored, they finished packing their few belongings. "I've got one more question," Castle said when they were done.

"Shoot."

"Do we have to share a room with him?" His nose wrinkled.

"No. An adjoining room, I suppose, but we can keep the door locked while we're sleeping. If we sleep."

"And you'll be on my side of the door?"

"Yes, Castle, I'll be on your side of the door."

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Twelve ~_

They chattered the whole way to the Delta; well Castle chattered and Kate got a few words in here and there, but it made her smile nonetheless. A silent, depressed Castle was something she didn't really know how to deal with and didn't honestly want to figure out. It was one of the things that she'd learned to appreciate most about him - his sense of utter joy in living that made him as difficult to work with as a nine year old on a sugar rush sometimes, but was highly infectious, and her own sense of happiness and satisfaction with life had increased a great deal since he'd stepped into it and turned it on its head.

Castle took charge, much to Kate's amusement, when they reached the hotel, asking for a large suite and giving their names as Edward and Katherine Knight.

"Katherine Knight?" Kate questioned once they were in the elevator. "Come on Castle, that's a stripper name."

"It doesn't sound very stripper-like to me," he objected. "It sounds rather lofty, like British royalty or something. Now if I'd told them your name was Candy or Kitten … "

"Why am I not surprised you know stripper names." She crossed her arms over her chest and tried to keep a straight face.

"Research, Beckett. It's all for research's sake."

"Uh huh."

"Derek Storm liked the ladies. He was a single guy who visited strip joints now and then to blow off a little steam in the middle of tough cases. I needed to know what it was like in order to write it convincingly."

"Uh huh," she repeated, unconvinced. "And I'm sure Derek Storm wasn't modelled after you in any way. Any more than Jameson Rook was. Right?" She nearly laughed out loud as his face turned bright red. "Gotcha."

"What guy hasn't gone to a strip club at least once in his life?" he demanded. "Name me one."

"I'm sure if I thought about it long enough I could."

"Could not."

"Could too."

"Could not."

"Could too."

Castle stared her down and her own face began to feel hot.

"Have _you_ ever been to a male strip club, Beckett?" he asked.

"We're not talking about me, Castle." Her face grew a deeper shade of red.

"Have you?" He was insistent.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, yes. Once. It was a long time ago."

"See? See? Double standards."

"It was only once and I was eighteen. My friends took me for my birthday. It's not like I was a regular."

"Well I went in my youth as well. My unfortunate and misguided youth." He pouted. "Stop punishing me for the foolish things I did when I was young."

"As long as you stop doing foolish things now that you're old and gray."

"Who says I'm old?"

"I mean it Castle. Particularly if you and I are … " She paused. "If I catch you at a strip club, I'll kill you. That's a promise."

"Noted."

"Good." The elevator dinged and Kate reached down to pick up her bag. She stepped out as the doors opened but Castle remained behind for a moment, looking at himself in the mirrored walls.

"I have gray hairs?"

**xxxxx**

"Hey man, it's about time you showed up." Ryan greeted his partner with a friendly smile but Esposito could see a wild look in his eyes that made him feel both anxious and amused.

"Hello Mrs. Rodgers, Ms. Castle," he said to the women. "Nice to see you again." He smiled and drew his partner aside. "We need to talk in private for a moment, if you'll excuse us."

"Of course dear." Martha smiled regally at the two men.

"You look terrible." Esposito kept his voice low.

Ryan ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "They are driving me nuts! How does Castle stand living with them? Is he as crazy as he is because he lives with them or has living with him driven them nuts?"

Esposito made a face. "Probably both."

"I can't wait to get back to Jenny. She's so … normal."

His partner slapped him on the back. "Well go solve this mystery then and you can get back to her."

Ryan's eyebrows raised. "Now if that isn't incentive … "

**xxxxx**

Castle had the pictures of the murder board up and running in the sitting area of their suite before Peter arrived. He and Kate were both silent, staring at the plethora of information and trying to make sense of it when there was a knock at the door. They looked at one another, then Kate picked up her gun and went to answer it. She returned a moment later, tucking her gun into the back of her pants, Peter in tow.

"Katherine Knight. I like that. Since when did you start using stripper names as aliases?"

Kate turned on Castle. "See? I told you it was a stripper name."

"It is not a stripper name."

"Well it's certainly not very imaginative either," Peter said disapprovingly. "Very predictable to anyone looking for you. Your repetition of the chess motif shows you're not a very creative thinker."

"Chess motif?" Kate questioned. Her mind was still on the murders and the connection to what Peter had said just wasn't coming to her.

"Castle, Knight, Rook … come on. I'm surprised you didn't give me Bishop."

"Then I'd be stealing from Fringe, wouldn't I?" Castle said, eyes narrowed.

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Let's just focus guys. Can we do that long enough to get this solved? Because I'd really like to find out who our killer is and catch him so I can go back home and have a normal life."

"Normal, she says," Castle teased. "You deal with dead bodies, suspects and weapons on a daily basis. How exactly is that normal?"

"At least I get paid to do it," she shot back coyly. "You hang around for the kicks. Which one of us is crazier?" Their eyes tangled, each reliving the previous time they'd had this conversation. The unspoken reply was still the same.

"Ahem. Aren't you the one who wanted to focus on work, Beckett?" Peter reminded them.

They stared at the board in silence for a while, then Kate began to do the usual and voice her thoughts out loud.

"All the pieces we have point to the Davidson family, but - "

" - what if we're missing something?" Castle added as she paused. "We still don't know how the Davidsons, mayoral aide and police chief, were connected to Raglan and McAllister. Unless - "

- Raglan and McAllister were found out to be dirty cops. Then their boss would have a reason to blackmail them - "

" - telling them they'd lose their jobs if they didn't kill Armand and frame one of their 'buddies', or worse, to go jail for breaking the very laws they were sworn to uphold."

"McAllister admitted that to our faces in our interview. We have that part on record."

"It's a good story but you have no real proof," Peter objected.

"Not yet." Kate put her hands on her hips, jaw setting determinedly. "We have to find it."

"Where do you even begin to look? It was nineteen years ago." Peter threw his hands up in the air.

Kate turned to face Castle. "We need to interview Jack Davidson." She pulled out her phone. "I'll contact Montgomery and see if we can get an address." She sent a quick text then looked back up at Castle.

"I need something to eat first," they said in unison, then smiled at one another.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Oh god, I'm working with the Bobbsey Twins."

"Shut up Nancy Drew and order us some Chinese," Kate said, not taking her eyes off Castle. It was all she could do to suppress her laughter, watching him try to hold his in at her retort.

"I don't take orders from you, Beckett," he said coldly.

"Well you'd better start. If you want to be here with us you have to make yourself useful. We all take turns being the gopher around here." She licked her lips. "Speaking of which … "

"I know," Castle interrupted, pulling out his wallet. "I saw the Starbucks on our way in. Two or three?"

Kate sent a dazzling smile at him. "Peter, you want a coffee?"

**xxxxx**

"The suspect is in interrogation room one. It's clean."

"I'm going in alone." Kate picked up the file.

"The hell you are."

Montgomery faced Peter. "You do as she says."

"Are you obstructing my investigation - "

"It's not_ your_ investigation, Agent Nieman. We're collaborating on this one, but regardless of how important you think you are, Beckett is in charge and you do what she says. I'm surprised she didn't make that clear to you."

"Oh, she did," Castle put in helpfully. "Some people are just stubborn."

"It takes one to know one." Ryan winked at him.

"I do as she says," Castle protested. "Most of the time, anyway."

"Why don't you guys pick up George Davidson while I'm questioning Jack. We'll need to talk to him too," Kate suggested.

Ryan nodded and turned to head out but Castle stepped over to where Kate was standing by the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"In there. With you."

"Uh uh. I'm going in alone. This is cop to cop. I don't need any distractions. You and Ryan go pick up George."

"But … " He stopped, seeing the determined look on both hers and Montgomery's faces. "Okay. I'll see you later."

**xxxxx**

"You seem a little frazzled partner," Castle observed as he and Ryan drove.

"It was a long day."

Castle smiled. "They can be a bit wearing, can't they?"

"A _bit_? Why didn't you warn me your family was crazy? The endless talking and giggling and cajoling … and your mother changing clothes ten times and constantly asking if she looked good in that outfit … "

"They're not crazy Ryan. They're women. Have you not had a lot of experience with women?"

"Uh, no. I grew up with three brothers, went to a Catholic boys' school, and I work in a field dominated by men. Women? Slightly alien to me."

"You have Jenny … and you've worked with Beckett for a long time. They're women."

Ryan shook his head. "They're different. Beckett's all business and Jenny is just, well … more practical. Not so girly."

"Beckett can be very girly when she wants to - " Castle stopped suddenly, aware he'd probably said too much.

"And you know this … how?" Ryan demanded, grinning.

"We've gone undercover a couple of times and she's gotten all dressed up and acted flirty and coy. You should see it. She's so … so …" A big smile lit up his face as his mind drifted back to the little black dress she'd worn the last time they'd played pretend.

"Sexy?" Ryan supplied.

"Hell yeah."

His partner shook his head. "You are beyond hope, you know that?"

"Well beyond."

**xxxxx**

"Detective Katherine Beckett." Retired cop Jack Davidson looked at her smugly. "Your reputation precedes you."

"As yours does you, however tarnished it may be."

"Tsk, tsk, that's not nice. Definitely not a good way to start a conversation, particularly if you want a person to talk nice to you."

"I'm not about nice Mr. Davidson. I'm here to get the facts."

He leaned forward onto his elbows. "Are you sure you really want them?"

Kate's eyebrow rose questioningly. "Are you saying you know what happened nineteen years ago?"

"I know everything."

She bit her lip and pushed her hair back behind her ear. "So tell me then."

"I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"I can, but the more you know, the more danger you'll be in. You're safer knowing less."

"I don't give a damn about safer." Kate's voice rose. "I want to know what happened to Bob Armand. I want to know what happened to my mother, Johanna Beckett, and I want to know why Vulcan and Richard Simmons were killed now, so many years later. I want those facts and you're going to give them to me."

Jack Davidson sat back, lacing his fingers behind his head. "There's nothing you can threaten me with that will make me tell you anything."

"I will find something," she said between clenched teeth. "I am not stopping until I find out what happened and catch the real murderer or murderers, I can promise you that, so if you don't want to tell me anything, fine. I'm going to keep on prying and harassing you until I do get the answers I want so you might as well just spill it now."

He leaned forward again, eyes meeting hers. A chill ran up her spine at the emotions swirling around behind his eyes.

"I would like to tell you the truth. I was once just like you, black and white, determined to find the truth and bring justice to those who deserved it. Young, innocent, believing that the truth would set me free. I'm doing you a favour by not telling you the truth now detective, because the truth will kill you. Make no mistake, once you know the facts, you're as good as dead."

**TBC**


	13. Chapter 13

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Thirteen ~_

"What the hell did he mean by that?" Peter demanded when Kate joined them in the viewing room.

She shrugged.

"I'm going in there."

He took exactly two steps before Kate grabbed him and yanked him back. "No you're not."

"Excuse me? He knows what's going on and he won't tell us. That means you have to push him harder."

Kate shook her head. "He won't crack."

"Everyone cracks."

"No they don't. You've gotten soft Peter, pushing paper instead of actually being out there solving cases. You've forgotten how to read people - this guy is is a lifetime cop, trained not to give information no matter what the torture. He's been a party to, if not the ringleader of, a crime syndicate that's been meting out its own justice and keeping secrets for two decades or more. He's not going to tell you what you want to know just because you bully him a little. If this gets broken wide open it'll ruin him and his son.". She paused as a thought struck her. "The son. We need to know more about him." She turned to a Montgomery, "Have Ryan and Castle returned yet?"

"No. No word."

"Okay. Peter, let's dig up whatever we can about George Davidson. I want to know his life inside and out before I question him."

Peter looked sulky but he nodded.

**xxxxx**

"Is this the place?"

Ryan nodded, checking the address for the third time. "It seems pretty scuzzy for a former politician. I thought those guys made good money."

"It's easy to blow through money very quickly," Castle said knowingly. "Trust me."

"Do I even want to know how much money you've made with your writing?"

"Probably not. Suffice it to say that it's more than you'll make in your lifetime and more than I could ever possibly spend."

"Lucky devil." Ryan grinned. "Clearly I picked the wrong profession."

"You keep doing what you're doing, partner. It's where you're meant to be."

"Okay, this is it." Ryan knocked on the door. "NYPD," he called out. There was no answer. "NYPD," he called again as he knocked a second time. "Open up. We need to talk to you."

The door opened slowly.

"Mr. Davidson? George Davidson?"

"Yes."

Castle felt his body tense up. He'd done this with Kate enough times to recognize when the vibe was all wrong.

"We'd like to take you down to the station to answer a few questions regarding some recent and not so recent murders. Please come with us."

"One moment. Let me get my coat." Davidson shut the door.

"Ryan ...". Castle said warningly.

"I know." In his partner's voice Castle could hear the same wariness and anxiety he was feeling.

The door swung open suddenly to reveal George standing there with a gun pressed to his temple. "You won't take me alive."

"Please sir, put down the gun," Ryan said soothingly. "We just want to ask you a few questions. Put down the gun."

"I can't do that.". His voice was wavery.

"Yes you can. I promise no one will hurt you."

"You don't understand." The man's voice rose. "They can't find out what I've done. No one can. I'd rather die than go to jail."

He pushed the trigger but Castle leapt onto him before it fired, knocking them both backward to the ground. They struggled for a minute and the gun went off.

"Castle!" Ryan yelled.

Castle grunted and rolled off George, panting, leaving a trail of blood. "I'm okay," he said faintly, grimacing as he tried to move his arm. "It's only a scratch."

Ryan cuffed George and helped Castle to his feet. "You're hit," he said, eyes widening as he saw the growing red patch on his partner's arm. He helped Castle off with his jacket and the writer nearly screamed. The pain was intense, like a fiery hot spear being jammed into his bicep.

"Okay, maybe a little more than a scratch," he said, grabbing for the wall as the world began to spin.

"Sit down," Ryan ordered, pulling out his phone and dialing 911. "You'll be okay."

Castle nodded and wished he hadn't when the room began to grey around the edges.

"Help is on the way. You'll live ... until Beckett hears about this. Then she'll kill you herself."

**xxxxx**

"He _what_? Where is he?" Kate's face went white. "Is he going to be okay?"

Montgomery and Peter, summoned by the urgency and near hysteria in her voice, came running.

"What is it?"

Kate turned to her boss, swallowing hard. "Castle's been shot," she said, trying to keep her voice even and failing.

"Is he okay?"

She nodded. "Ryan said it's his arm. They're on the way to the hospital now." Her face crumpled and she covered it with her hands.

Montgomery put on arm around her shoulders. "Come on. I'll take you there," he said gently. "Nieman, stay here and run point on things until I get back ... Please?"

Peter nodded. "Go ahead. I'll take care of it."

Kate had herself almost composed by the time they reached the car. She sat, miserable, shoulders hunched, as they sped to the hospital, sirens blaring.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have sent have sent him there."

"You couldn't have known ..."

"But I should have. He vowed to stay beside me and protect me and I should have let him. I shouldn't have let him out of my sight.". She fought back the tears.

"Kate Beckett, pull yourself together and be strong. If not for your own sake, then for Castle's. Even if it's just a flesh wound, the shock of being shot is traumatic and he's going to need you more than you realize." His voice softened. "There's nothing you could have done even if you'd been there with him. These things happen in a split second and often there's no warning."

"That's my job, to see what's coming before it does," she argued. "I failed and he's paying the price."

"We all fail sometimes, Kate. We're only human; we can't be perfect."

"He's a civilian. He's part of my team and it's my responsibility to keep him safe." She stared down at her lap. "I can't bear the thought of losing him."

"I know," he answered, voice equally quiet, "but let's not borrow trouble. We don't know what condition he's in and we won't until we get there ... which will be in about a minute." He poured on a little more speed. "He's going to be okay. You have to hang onto that."

She nodded. The tears began to spill out even though she blinked rapidly to hold them back.

Ryan met them at the door. "He's in surgery now."

Kate pulled the tissue away from her face. "How is he?"

"The surgeon says he's going to be fine. He's weak from blood loss but he said it wasn't too deep and it should come out easy. They just want to get it out and get him antibiotics as soon as possible to prevent infection."

Ryan looked directly at her, sorrow and pain radiating from his face. "I'm so sorry," he said in a choked voice.

"What happened?" Montgomery asked, wanting the details.

Ryan told him, leaving nothing out. "I should have stopped him from jumping at the guy. I shouldn't have let him get hurt."

Montgomery touched his shoulder. "You did the best you could. We all know how impulsive Castle is. Stopping him from acting is like stopping a freight train at full speed." He looked back at a Kate. " At least he's going to be okay."

She nodded and took a step or two back. "Excuse me, I have to - " She gave up all pretense at holding back and fled, crying openly.

Montgomery found her a few minutes later, sitting in a more private area around the corner, crying into her opened palms. He put an arm around her and let her lean into him, handing her some more tissues.

"You're going to wait here," he said softly, stating a fact rather than making it a question.

She nodded as she wiped her eyes.

"Ryan and I will head back to the precinct with this son of a bitch and tear a strip off him."

"Let me know what you find out."

"Count on it." His hand rested against her back as he led her back to the main waiting area.

"Beckett, I ..." Ryan began. She shushed him by pulling him into a hug.

"It's not your fault," she whispered.

"I feel like it is."

"I know."

"Go and get this guy for me, okay?"

"You got it."

**xxxxx**

"Would you care for a drink Mr. Beckett?" Martha asked graciously. It had only been a day but somehow she'd taken on the role of hostess for the safe house and no one found it odd in the slightest.

"I'll just have a soda please. And call me Jim." He smiled at her.

"Jim it is." She poured the liquid, added ice cubes and handed it to him.

"I never expected living in enforced exile would be so cozy and hospitable. It's very pleasant here with you lovely ladies."

Esposito muttered something under her breath but Martha chose to ignore it, as she often did her own son's digs.

"Your son is quite the man of many talents," Jim continued as they sat down. "A famous novelist and a would-be police detective. Katie says there have been many times his help was invaluable to her, though I imagine it must cause you to worry sometimes. I know I worry about her often."

"It is a little worrying at times," Alexis said, "but we know detective Beckett takes good care of him when they're working together."

"Kate is truly an extraordinary woman," Martha said. "I absolutely adore her and so does Richard. Tell me more about her," she implored.

Jim shrugged. "I don't know what there is to tell. What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

**xxxxx**

A nurse walked into the waiting area forty minutes after Kate had been left alone there.

"Is there someone here for Richard Castle?"

Kate leapt up, heart in her throat. They couldn't possibly be done already ... which could only mean one thing. Her eyes filled with tears. "Is he ... "

"He's fine. I'll take you up to his room." She smiled and Kate felt weak in the knees, almost too wobbly to walk.

"How is it ... what ... why are they done already?" She knew she sounded incoherent but her mouth just didn't seem to want to work properly. Her brain wasn't doing much better either.

"His bullet wound wasn't very severe so the doctor decided to use local anesthetic instead of general. Cuts down on surgery time and it'll make his recovery much faster. He'll still be groggy as he's been rather heavily dosed with morphine to alleviate the pain, but with regular painkillers and a sling to hold it still he should be back to normal functioning within a week. You'll be able to take him home in a few hours when the freezing wears off."

"Thank you," Kate said weakly.

"Here you are." The nurse stopped outside a private room. "If you need anything just use the call bell beside the bed. One of the floor nurses will help you."

"Thank you," Kate repeated, putting her hand on the door and pushing it. It felt like lead and she felt as is she were in a dream, moving in slow motion even though she wanted to hurry.

There he was, sitting in bed, arm wrapped and held in a sling, but otherwise looking completely normal. Except for the blood stains on his shirt.

"Kate, you made it to the party." He smiled widely. "Too bad you missed the ER'y stuff. It was fun watching them stitch up my arm. Didn't feel a thing."

"Castle - " Her mouth went dry suddenly and she couldn't seem to continue.

"Really. Didn't hurt at all. Still doesn't." His words were slurred, like he was a little tipsy. "There was a lot of blood ... all over the floor, all over me ... aw man, my favorite shirt." He sighed, noticing the blood.

"Castle - "

"Have you talked to the guy, George? What an old-fashioned name. George. George. You just don't hear it so much any more."

"_Castle_!"

"What?"

"What the hell were you thinking? You nearly got yourself killed." Her voice was harsh and loud, even to her own ears.

"Hey, I stopped the guy from shooting himself. Come on, kudos where it's due." He pouted.

"You almost died!"

"It's only my arm." He waved the good one. "I've got another." He frowned. "Why are you so mad at me?"

"Don't ever, _ever _do that again, you hear me, or I'll kill you myself you ... you ... " The dam broke and tears ran down her cheeks as she took his good hand and cradled it firmly between her own. "I am not losing you, do you hear me?" she said fiercely. "You are not leaving me."

"I thought we established that long ago ... back when you still wanted me gone." Castle said with a gentle smile. "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere now that you've gotten used to having me around and actually seem to like it."

Kate sat on the bed, holding his hand up to her cheek as she cried. She smiled at his attempted humor but couldn't seem to stop the tears from falling.

The door opened slowly and a familiar face poked its way in. "Hey, I heard Richard Castle was brought in ... "

Kate turned to face Josh, her tear-stained face and dark eyes stopping him mid-sentence. Without her even needing to say a word he figured out he wasn't welcome. She was thankful for that.

"I'll leave you two then," he said stiffly, backing out.

**TBC**

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay - it was spring break and I had a house full of kids. :) Thank you to those of you who are still reading. I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Thank you muchly for all your kinds comments and encouragement. It's really appreciated!


	14. Chapter 14

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Fourteen ~_

"Maybe you should go talk to him."

Kate's heart nearly burst as she looked into Castle's eyes. There was no anger, no hurt, no guile. Just a calm steadiness; the look she'd come to recognize as his steadfast concern for her welfare and happiness. It was the look she'd seen every time Josh had interrupted their private moments together. It was how she knew that his feelings were sincere - he truly wanted her to be happy and would step aside if that's what she wanted. He'd still be there, supporting her, watching over her, but he'd let her go if that was what would make her happy.

"No, I need to be here," she whispered.

His eyes warmed and a tiny smile pulled the corners of his mouth up.

"I can deal with him later. Right now you need me."

"I'm good, really I am," he protested, eyes twinkling.

She smiled. "I should record you, Castle. Your words are all slurred and you sound drunk."

"I'll have you know I sound totally coherent when I'm drunk."

"Do you still have some of that Chateau Neuf de Pape you brought to my old place?"

"Yes, several bottles as a matter of fact."

She leaned forward. "Good. 'Cause once you're healed I'm coming over and we're going to test that statement."

"You don't believe me?"

"I'm a detective. I don't believe without proof."

"Well then I'll definitely have to prove it to you."

They smiled at one another, tension eased as they slid back into the familiar banter they'd so carefully cultivated through nearly three years in and out of the fire.

Kate yawned, suddenly feeling exhausted as the adrenaline rush she'd been living on for several days straight began to wear off.

"Tired?" Castle asked.

"Very."

"Come here." He patted the bed beside him and ungracefully wiggled over.

"Why?"

"Just come here and relax, will you? Forget getting shot, you're going to end up dying from pushing yourself too hard."

"Well - "

"I promise I won't bite. Well, I probably won't … "

"I have a gun too Castle," she teased. "Don't you even think about biting me or I'll have to take out one of your legs."

"Ouch." He moved over some more to make room for her and lowered the head of the bed a few degrees.

She lay back, closing her eyes as his free arm wrapped around her.

"Relax," he whispered. "Get some rest. We both need it."

**xxxxx**

The ride back to the precinct was very nearly explosive. The talk was minimal but the tension in the car was so thick it was like several storm fronts meeting and causing a massive weather event. Montgomery looked in the rearview mirror at George Davidson's nervous face. The uniform solicited to help sat beside him, fidgeting uncomfortably and looking as though he'd like to pop the door open and run.

Montgomery didn't blame him. This wasn't going to be pretty. Hard enough to deal with the situation as it was; Ryan was desolate over having let Castle get hurt and there were emotions there that were going to have to be put aside in order to do the job but would have to be dealt with eventually.

He himself was going to have to work very hard to keep his own temper in check and he knew that wasn't going to be easy. He'd learned temperance through years on the job but when one of his own got hurt …

**xxxxx**

Kate woke, aware right away that she'd done more than just close her eyes for a few moments. Castle, beside her, was stirring as well, a grimace replacing the usual easy smile on his face.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I think the freezing's wearing off," he said through clenched teeth. "It's kind of starting to hurt."

"Kind of?"

"Okay, it hurts a lot," he admitted.

She hopped off the bed, pulling her sweater down and straightening her creased pants. "I'll get you something for the pain." She pushed open the door and headed into the hallway before she remembered there was a call button beside the bed.

"It's about time you came out of there."

She spun around. "Josh, what are you doing here?"

"Waiting."

"Still?"

"Yes, still." He frowned. "How is Castle doing?"

"Sore."

"The freezing must be wearing off by now." At her quizzical look he continued. "I read his chart."

"He needs some painkillers."

Josh stood. "I'll take care of it." He returned a few minutes later with a nurse who left them alone and headed into the room.

"Listen, I know you're busy with a case and probably even more so now with your partner getting shot, but I … "

"This isn't the time, Josh," Kate interrupted firmly.

"Well when is the time?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "You're always too busy or too tired. It's like you don't have time for me."

"I don't." It was practically a whisper.

His voice was just as quiet. "What?"

She took a deep breath. "Your'e a great guy Josh, and I'm sure you'll make some woman very happy … but you just don't fit into my life." She bit her lip as her heart wrenched, mirroring the pain suddenly visible in his dark eyes.

"I've been trying, Kate," he said softly. "Isn't that enough?"

She shrugged, near tears.

"It's Castle, isn't it?" He swallowed hard. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

She shrugged again. "I don't know … "

"I know he's rich and famous and it must be exciting hanging around with him - "

"It's not that," she said angrily. "I don't care about any of that. I just care about _him_."

"More than you care about me?"

She didn't answer. Couldn't bring herself to be brutally honest.

"I've tried to be what you want, what you need, Kate. Is there more I could be doing?"

"That's exactly the point," she said softly, blinking rapidly. "You have to try to fit into my life and be what I need. Castle doesn't. He just is. He's here, with me, doing this because it's where he wants to be. We do it together because it's who we are, what we do. We're partners in this and we enjoy working together, being together. Sometimes I feel like we share one mind; that we're just one soul divided between two people." She smiled sadly. "You're an amazing guy Josh, and any woman would be lucky to have you. It's just … my life is here, doing this and yours isn't. Shouldn't be. I know you want to be working for Doctors Without Borders, traveling the world and helping people in need and that's just amazing. But it's not for me. Our lives just don't intersect and forcing one of us to give up who we are to be with the other just isn't going to work. It isn't working."

He said nothing as he looked into her eyes but she nearly lost it as his lashes grew wet.

"I really care for you and I wish it wasn't ending like this but you belong somewhere else with someone else who shares your passion. I belong here, with Castle. He shares mine."

He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek, long fingers reaching into her curls. "I loved you Kate," he whispered. "I'll always love you. I hope you're happy with the life you've chosen." He took a couple of steps backwards, eyes holding hers, then turned and walked out of her life.

Kate stood in the hallway, letting the tears fall. She was normally a strong woman but it seemed like the last few days all she'd done was cry.

**xxxxx**

Montgomery sat opposite George Davidson, observing the man before saying a word. Early on in his career he'd learned a minute of intense scrutiny usually yielded more than a full interview did and always put that tactic to use.

The man before him was scared. But there was something else, something that didn't quite fit. If asked, he'd have no choice to call it a gut feeling but gut feelings were nothing more than the inability to classify observations in a neat and tidy box, and he'd learned to trust them, both in himself and his best officers.

Ryan sat beside him, unmoving, respecting the process he'd both witnessed and participated in with Beckett. Montgomery allowed himself small kudos for training her well but gave her most of the credit for managing to get her team to work as though one body, one mind. There would come a day when Ryan and Esposito were ready for their own commands but for now he appreciated the twelfth's finest homicide team, unorthodox though it was.

"George Davidson." He opened the file.

"Yes." The man reminded Montgomery of a weasel. Small and shifty with beady eyes that wouldn't meet his. It was all he could do to repress a distasteful snort.

"Do you know this man?" He pushed Armand's photo across the table. It was grisly; a hole in the agent's temple and blood and brain material splattered all over the floor.

George didn't flinch. "No."

"Think again." The captain pushed another photo - this one taken before Armand's death - in front of him. "We have records that show you were the mayor's aide-de-camp when this man had several appointments with the Right Honourable Mayor O'Donnell in nineteen ninety two."

George shrugged nonchalantly but a tic began to tease at his left eye. "Perhaps. That was a long time ago. I don't remember."

"Yes it was. But one month after Agent Armand of the FBI came to you, he ended up dead."

"So?"

"We have evidence that shows he was coming to the mayor's office to expose corruption and ties to organized crime in the police force and the political system." He pushed the photo of Johanna Beckett over. "This woman ended up getting murdered in exactly the same manner and place - seven years later when she began to look into Armand's murder and questioned that perhaps the man put behind bars for that crime might possibly have been framed."

"Really." The tic grew more pronounced.

"Who do you suppose benefitted from seeing that the link between organized crime and the mayor was kept hush-hush?" Montgomery turned to Ryan, as if genuinely perplexed.

Ryan shrugged. "I can't think of anyone but the mayor himself, chief."

They both turned to see George's response. He favoured them with his first head-on look and Montgomery almost wished he hadn't. The look of grim meanness in the man's eyes made him shiver. There was no mistaking the fact that this man had committed the murders and wasn't remorseful in the slightest.

"You go near Liam and I'll personally tear you apart, limb by limb," George snarled, the beast within finally unleashed.

Ryan sat up a little straighter, as if shaking off his fear. "Liam? Are you two still close? I mean it was a long time ago."

George didn't answer but his curled lip and the furious pace of his eyelid told Montgomery everything he needed to know.

"Is that why you did it?" He leaned forward, elbows on the table. "Bob Armand was going to hurt 'Liam" so you had to stop him. Same thing with Mrs. Beckett. If she persevered and discovered the truth, your precious Liam might be implicated in the murder and then be the target of an FBI organized crime investigation and you couldn't have that. Same thing with Vulcan and Richard Simmons. They knew the truth and might spill it so they too had to be silenced."

"Nice touch, stealing detective Beckett's gun to make it look as though she was the one committing the most recent murders; trying to make us believe she was on a vendetta to avenge her own mother's death. How exactly is Brian Davidson related to you? Your son?" Ryan added.

George's lip curled disdainfully.

"Not son. George has no children," Montgomery explained. "He prefers men. Cousin perhaps? Maybe nephew?"

George chuckled. "It's a nice story but you have no proof."

"We have more than you think and definitely more than enough to keep you while we investigate the matter fully. I don't know about you - " Montgomery faced Ryan, " - but I think we've almost got enough of a case to bring to the District Attorney and if he agrees then you don't stand a chance. Conspiracy to obstruct justice, ties to known criminal organizations, murder of a federal officer, murder of a police officer, three more counts of first degree murder … man, you'll be lucky if you even see the inside of a prison before they execute you."

George sat forward, eyes flashing with hate. "You may have me but there are others out there still," he said softly. "Anyone who tries to reveal the truth will die, I promise you that."

Montgomery stood angrily, kicking his chair back. "We're done here." He stormed out, followed closely by Ryan. "Take him down to holding and put him as far away from his father as you can," he instructed the guards at the door.

"Yes sir."

He pulled out his phone and called Beckett. "Don't let your guard down. We've stirred up a hornet's nest here and they may be coming after you."

Peter looked at them both questioningly.

Montgomery nodded at him. "You two, find McAllister and bring him in. We need to make sure all possible targets are safe."

**TB**C


	15. Chapter 15

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Fifteen ~_

Kate walked back into Castle's hospital room and sat on the chair beside his bed, drawing her gun and checking the clip.

"What's up?" he asked warily, knowing that something was wrong not only by her actions but by the change in the emotional atmosphere surrounding her.

"Montgomery says we're in danger. They've got the Davidsons in custody but apparently there are others out there. This conspiracy is a hornet's nest and they've been poking it with a stick."

"That doesn't sound good."

"It isn't."

Castle watched her for a few moments, narrowly observing the things that were different. Her heightened anxiety and preparedness fit with the current level of danger in the case. The red spots on her cheeks and the glint of tears in her eyes didn't. Neither did the aura of sadness she was giving off; normally mid-case she was all professionalism. There was no room for personal feelings.

"Is something else wrong?"

"Why? Isn't being targeted for death enough?" she answered dryly.

"There is, isn't there?"

Her eyes narrowed. "You're too perceptive for your own good."

He shrugged his good shoulder and grinned lopsidedly. "My cross to bear."

"Such a heavy one." A smile teased the corners of her mouth.

"You going to tell me or do I have to drag it out of you?"

"Do you really think you could … I mean _now_?" She gestured at his wounded arm. "Come on, Castle. don't make me laugh."

"The pen is mightier than the sword," he said loftily.

"Yeah, well, you don't have a pen and I don't have a sword."

"I have words."

"And I have a gun."

"You going to shoot me for talking too much?"

"If I was going to do that, you'd have been dead about five minutes after I met you." She grinned.

"So, are you going to tell me?" he repeated, eyes twinkling as he prepared for round two.

Kate took a deep breath and exhaled, face growing serious. "I just broke up with Josh."

"You what?" It wasn't often Richard Castle was taken aback, particularly by his partner, whom he'd learned to anticipate, but this did it. He felt as though he'd just been blindsided, welcome though the information was.

"He wanted to talk about us and it just … came out. All the stuff I've been thinking … wondering." She smiled sadly. "It just seemed pointless to keep dragging it out."

"How did he take it?"

She bit her lip.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Me too. He was a really nice guy. The kind I would have been thrilled to be with if … " She trailed off but neither of them needed to finish the sentence.

Castle didn't know what to say as the silence grew between them. "Maybe we'd best focus on the case and keeping ourselves alive. We can come back to this later."

She nodded, grateful for his understanding.

**xxxxx**

"Really? I so can't picture detective Beckett doing that." Alexis covered her mouth and giggled.

Jim smiled. "She wasn't always the law-abiding citizen you know now. At sixteen she loved to push things. She'd walk the line between right and wrong and then step over nonchalantly, waiting to see if anyone would notice."

"And did you?"

"Not as often as we should have." Jim smiled ruefully. "I'm afraid she got away with a lot of things that her mother and I never knew about. Thankfully the law never found about them either or she wouldn't have been allowed into the force."

"Too bad you didn't have GPS to track her," Alexis said, a slight grimace marring the beauty of her young face. She turned to face Martha. "Did you know dad activated that GPS app on his iPhone so he could keep an eye on me?"

"No dear, but it doesn't surprise me at all. He's very protective of you and wants to make sure you're safe."

"Safe? It's not about safety, Gram. It's about invading my privacy. He was watching over my shoulder, not letting me live my life without him being there. He doesn't trust me."

"It's only because he loves you darling."

"Would you have tracked him if you could have when he was my age?" Alexis demanded.

"The things he was into? I'm not sure I would have wanted to know. But if I'd had the opportunity … well, I might have done the same thing."

"What about you, Mr. Beckett? Would you have tracked your daughter if you could have?"

"Absolutely. Katie always worried me with her wild behaviour and the friends she hung out with. I wish I would have known the things she got into so I could have stopped her."

"She turned out okay even though she kept her secrets. What makes my dad think I won't?"

"It's not that he doesn't think you'll turn out okay," Jim explained. "He loves you and wants to save you the pain of making bad decisions and having to live with the consequences of them."

"But isn't that how we learn as we grow up?" she objected. "By making mistakes?"

"So it is, and parents shouldn't watch over their teenagers shoulders to stop them making those mistakes."

"But you said … "

"I said that I would have spied on Katie if I'd had the ability to, not that it was the right thing to do. And she, like you, would have been just as outraged."

**xxxxx**

"Liam O'Donnell is as crooked as a staircase in a hundred year old house. He bought his way into the Mayor's office, paid people to keep him there and got rid of anyone who couldn't be bought." McAllister snorted. "He had protection from here to China and back. Crime bosses loaned him their enforcers in exchange for the favours he did them."

"Sounds like a sweet guy. I can't say I remember much about him," Ryan said.

"You were just a kid when he was Mayor. You probably never paid much attention to the news."

"So why didn't you take him down back then?" Peter asked.

"Are you kidding me? He would have had us killed about two seconds after we opened our mouths."

"It would have been the right thing to do," Peter said obstinately.

"Nothing would have been gained and I wouldn't be here now to help you out. You'd prefer that?"

"I guess not."

"We're making pretty good headway," Ryan interrupted, trying to smooth the rapidly ruffling feathers. "We've got Jack, George and Brian Davidson and Montgomery is digging up all sorts of dirt on them and their connection to Bob Armand."

McAllister gave a low whistle. "You might just nail him yet. That's closer than we ever came."

"You were working under cover, trying to make sure they never suspected you," Ryan pointed out. "That's much harder. We're working out in the open here so a lot more information is available to us."

"Which also makes you much larger targets. I hope your people have been warned."

"That's why we picked you up," Peter said. "To keep you safe and get your help in nailing this bastard."

"And that means we need you alive."

**xxxxx**

"Mr. Castle is free to be discharged now."

Kate smiled at the nurse. "Thank you, and thanks for everything you've done for him."

The nurse smiled and blushed as Castle smiled at her. "He's a real charmer. It's been my pleasure."

Kate glared at him and he reverted to mock wounded-puppy look. "Would you mind signing me out, Beckett? I would but - " He pointed to his right arm.

"You're incapacitated, I know." She scrawled her name quickly on his release papers. "Don't worry," she said in answer to the question the nurse hadn't yet asked. "I'll take good care of him. And if he doesn't behave, I can always use these." She jingled her handcuffs. "One arm ought to hold you."

Both Castle's mouth and the nurse's mouth dropped open, though for different reasons she surmised.

"I'm kidding." She laughed and tucked an arm through his good one. "He'll be just fine."

"You weren't serious about the handcuffs, were you?" Castle asked once they were alone in the car.

"You wish." She stole a quick glance at him. "Forget it, Castle. Not until your arm is healed. I don't want to injure you more."

"Once I am better though … "

"I'm sure I'll find some torture suitable to reward you for scaring the living daylights out of me."

"It's a deal."

They smiled at one another.

"So, are we headed back to the hotel?"

"You need your rest, so yes."

"Sans Peter I hope? I'm really not in the mood to deal with him."

"I dare say Montgomery will be keeping him busy. If not, I'll deal with him."

"Thats kind of what I'm afraid of."

She didn't answer until they were stopped at a red light, then answering his comment only obliquely. "I just broke up with the guy I've been with for the last six months," she said evenly. "I didn't do it on a whim so I could resume my 'relationship' with some jerk I slept with once years ago." She exhaled, a sound of frustration. "No relationship can exist without trust, Castle. You and I trust each other professionally but if we're going to … move further, we have to learn to trust each other personally as well."

The light turned green and she turned back to focus on the road.

"You're right," Castle said quietly. "We do. But trust isn't something that comes easy for me - not when it comes to women."

"I know. But trust can be earned, and I'm a pretty hard worker."

"The hardest I know."

He smiled as he watched her profile, heart beating unevenly with a mix of fear and excitement. He'd spent too many years avoiding personal commitment; even when he'd married. Neither of the women he'd married had made his heart beat faster the way Kate did. Neither of them had evoked the protective instinct that he always felt around her, wanting to do whatever he could to keep her safe and smiling. He'd spent so long believing commitment and faithfulness weren't worth the trouble that the depth and seriousness of his feelings for her sometimes scared him. Other times, like now, he felt lightheaded, as if he was walking on clouds. Having someone to care for, to love and cherish, seemed like a positive privilege rather than a burden.

**xxxxx**

"Here, let me help." Kate took the sling off his arm carefully and began to undo his shirt buttons. They were stiff with dried blood and tough to get open, even with two hands. She undid the cuffs and slipped his arms out, eyes meeting his as she touched him gently, afraid to cause any more hurt.

She stopped after the shirt, eyes roaming up and down his naked chest, back up to his eyes and down to his mouth. A silver line of tears formed at the bottom of her eyes.

"Castle," she whispered unevenly.

He reached his good hand out and cupped her head, drawing her close to him. Their foreheads touched, breath mingling as her hands slipped around his waist.

"I'm here, Kate," he whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Their lips met, tentatively at first, then with more deliberation as they moved closer together. His heart beat wildly against her chest and it made her stomach flutter wildly as her heart sped up to match it. She pulled away soon after, knowing that if she didn't they'd pass the point of no return and while she knew he wouldn't complain - far from it - he wasn't ready yet.

"It's time to get some rest, Castle," she said, struggling to regain her breathing.

"After that? How am I supposed to sleep now?" His eyes were darker than she'd ever seen them.

"Dream of me." She smiled seductively.

"And this is different from every other night … how?" he teased, still panting.

"I'm going to sleep _with_ you."

Castle looked up at the ceiling. "Thank you for granting my request," he joked. "Please lord, let me get shot every day."

Her eyes narrowed but she couldn't help the smirk that pulled her lips up. "I can still hurt you, you know. Now take off your pants and let's get you into bed."

His eyes widened innocently. "I need some more help. Pretty please, detective?"

**TBC**


	16. Chapter 16

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Sixteen ~_

"I've got something."

Montgomery lifted his head and reached out for the page McAllister was handing him. He looked it over and then flipped to the photograph attached to the back.

"Bingo."

Ryan and Peter crowded close to look, smiles narrowing their lips as they realized what they had.

"This is enough to warrant an arrest," Ryan said.

"It sure as hell is. I think we've got enough to satisfy the DA. You guys keep digging and I'll give him a call." Montgomery pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and left the room for the privacy of his office, not returning for twenty minutes.

"That took a long time," Peter noted.

"He wanted a lot of details. This is big, really big and we can't afford to screw it up or our jobs are worthless."

Ryan swallowed hard. "Can't afford to be losing my job now. I've got a wedding to pay for."

"You're getting married?"

"Yeah." Ryan smiled at Peter. "In two months."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks, man."

"Listen, since we're distracted anyway, why don't we break for a short while and get something to eat." Montgomery looked at his watch. "It's almost nine already. I'll order pizza."

"I should probably do shift change with Javi," Ryan said regretfully. "I'm sure he's itching to get out of there by now."

"I'll order some extra for you guys," the captain offered. "No sense in making you suffer. It's been a tough enough day." He laid a hand on his junior officer's shoulder.

Ryan nodded, eyes somber. "I'll give Beckett a call and see how Castle's doing before I go."

"Beckett and Castle. Castle and Beckett. Are those two joined at the hip or what?" Peter asked, frowning.

"Practically." Montgomery smiled. "They've been pretty close for a while now, though things were a bit bumpy when he first started shadowing her. Lately they seem to have gotten a lot closer. You want to know where one of them is, look for the other and that's where they'll be."

"Are they … together, outside of work too?"

"I don't think so."

"Sure seems like it."

Montgomery lifted his hands as if in surrender. "Not my business. So long as their professional relationship works and they keep getting results, I'm happy."

"Who is this Castle guy anyway?" McAllister asked.

"Famous mystery writer. He's written twenty-some novels. You've never heard of him?"

The retired cop shrugged. "I don't read much fiction."

"He came to consult with us on a case and stuck around, using my best homicide detective as inspiration for a new character in a new book series. They really clicked and have become partners, unofficially. It's unorthodox but it works."

Ryan returned, a look of relief crossing his face. "Castle's okay. The hospital discharged him and they're back at the hotel now. He's resting."

"That's good news," Montgomery said warmly.

"Beckett said he's still pretty high on painkillers."

The captain grinned. "I'll bet that's a sight to see. He drives her crazy enough without needing mind-altering medication."

Ryan nodded knowingly. "I'll head over and meet the pizza guy as he arrives at the safe house. Esposito should be back here within the hour."

Montgomery touched him on the shoulder. "Good work today, Kevin."

**xxxxx**

Alexis looked up as she heard footsteps coming into the kitchen. She smiled at Esposito. "Would you like some tea? I was just making myself some."

"Please. I'd actually prefer something a little stronger but I'm on duty." He returned her smile.

She looked at the clock. "It's getting late. Are you and Detective Ryan switching off again or are you staying the night?"

"Switching. He's on his way over now." He hoped the guilt he felt at not telling her about her father's incident didn't show. He wanted to but knew he shouldn't. It would only cause more worry.

"Sounds good. I like Ryan. He's a bit of an easy mark though and Gram pounces on him. I'll have to keep an eye on her to make sure she behaves herself."

"I don't think you have to worry about that," Esposito said, nodding at the louvered doors leading to the sitting area. It was clear to both of them that Martha and Jim were enjoying each other's company very much.

Alexis frowned as she caught sight of the glint in her grandmother's eye. "Grams," she said to herself, "don't seduce Beckett's dad or she will kick your ass from here to next Tuesday."

He burst out laughing but covered his mouth as Alexis glared at him. "Sorry. I guess I should be saying, ' watch your language young lady' instead, right?"

She giggled. "You've been spending too much time with my dad."

"Far too much."

**xxxxx**

_They lay down together, mouths devouring one another, Kate's fingernails raking across his chest as she pinned him down. His back arched involuntarily and he thrust up against her, his erection painfully trying to escape the confines of his pants. _

_She moaned - a soft, yet wholly primitive sound, much like the one she'd made when they'd shared their first kiss, and his body shuddered at the sound of it. Again. He buried his fingers in her hair as she kissed down his chest and began to unfasten his pants. Her lips found places he didn't know he had, causing him to moan with barely held-in anticipation._

_Her tongue found his shaft, licking it up and down slowly, wetting it as she shed her own underwear. He groaned as she lifted herself onto him, feeling utter pleasure and contentment as her warmth enveloped him._

_Castle closed his eyes and smiled, his hands slipping around her hips and pulling her harder against him as he thrust deeper and deeper into her. He opened his eyes and gasped with horror. The woman above him wasn't Kate any longer._

_"Gina!" he breathed, freezing up as his heart suddenly started to pound double time. "You can't be here! This can't be real!"_

_"Tsk, tsk." She shook her blonde curls. "Don't you know you'll always be mine, Richard? You always come back to me."_

_Then in a heartbeat it was Meredith above him. "I never wanted us to be apart. If you'd only come to live in LA with me we could still be together. I never wanted to leave you."_

_Castle closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. No, this can't be happening," he moaned._

_A soft, familiar hand caressed his cheek. "Your heart belongs to me, Rick."_

_He opened his eyes and Kyra smiled sadly down at him. His heart ached; her long, dark curls and wide hazel eyes reminded him so much of Kate._

_"It always has and always will. You'll never be able to love any other woman the way you loved me."_

_"But I do! I love Kate so much. I'd do anything for her." His Adam's Apple twitched as his voice broke. "I'd die for her."_

_She leaned down until her lips were touching his. "But will you live for her?" she whispered._

_Castle closed his eyes. Tears slid down the sides of his face, wetting his hair. "Yes."_

**xxxxx**

Kate watched Castle as he slept. She felt more than a little voyeuristic as she was pretty sure she knew what he was dreaming about, but his tossing and moaning had roused her and she'd become wide awake instantly, worried that he was in pain. It became clear very quickly that pleasure, not pain, was what he was experiencing but she wasn't able to fall asleep again so she watched, fascinated, as he dreamed. It was a little embarrassing at first but then the dream seemed to change suddenly. His head began to turn from side to side as if shaking his head 'no', and he mumbled incoherently.

She wondered if she should wake him, spare him from whatever was making him so restless, and reached a hand out tentatively, stopping as his words became crystal clear.

_"But I do. I love Kate so much."_

She froze, heart leaping up into her throat.

_"I'd do anything for her. I'd die for her."_

Tears stung her eyes. She'd suspected it for a long time but was afraid he was never going to be able to voice it aloud, especially to her. She watched as tears spilled out of his eyes and down into his hair, her own following suit and escaping down her cheeks.

"I love you too, Rick Castle," she whispered. "So very much."

Trembling, she wiped his tears dry.

**xxxxx**

Esposito opened the door to his partner's secret knock. "Hey man."

"Hey yourself."

They fist bumped as Esposito shut the door behind them.

"All going well here?"

"Well, Mrs. Castle senior and Mr. Beckett seem to be making eyes at one another, but other than that it's all been smooth sailing."

Ryan chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? I'll bet Martha is the more forward of the two. Am I right?"

"No more wondering where Castle gets his charm with the ladies from," his partner answered, winking.

"How is little Miss Castle doing?"

"She's upstairs reading. She's one smart cookie, bro. Observant too."

"Just like her dad. Young men everywhere had best beware once she's on the loose."

The two detectives shared a laugh.

"I should probably be on my way," Esposito said reluctantly, sighing loudly.

Ryan held up a hand. "Not so fast. Pizza's on the way. Must have got held up in traffic but it should be here shortly. Stick around and have a couple of pieces before you go. Montgomery, Pete and McAllister probably won't have left you any."

"Well … "

"Cap'n will understand. He knows you need to eat too."

"Twisted my arm." He grinned.

"Good." Ryan pulled two cokes from the fridge and opened them.

The doorbell rang and Esposito went to answer it. "Mmm, I can almost taste it already."

The dead silence in the house triggered alarm bells so Ryan drew his gun and slowly advanced into the living room.

"Drop it."

He froze.

"I said drop it."

Ryan slowly bent down and put his gun on the floor, kicking it over to the two men pointing guns at Martha, Jim and Esposito.

"Join your friends over there."

He did as bidden warily, standing beside his partner, the two of them forming an unconscious shield for the civilians.

"Where's the little girl?"

"She's not here," Ryan said quickly, hoping his voice was loud enough to alert Alexis. "She didn't come with us."

"You expect us to believe that?" the other guy said scornfully.

The door opened and two more men joined them, one looking as though he was doing so against his will. Tall, with long, dark hair, both detectives recognized him.

"They're lying," Josh said. "Castle wouldn't send his mother off into hiding and leave his daughter unprotected."

"You!" Esposito spat onto the carpet indignantly. "You … _bastard!_ How could you do this to Beckett?"

Josh shrugged. "I didn't have a choice."

"She thought you really cared," Ryan hissed, eyes narrowed to laser-like slits.

"I do. I did … " He sighed. "I had no idea who she was when we started dating. When my family found out my girlfriend was none other than detective Kate Beckett, the woman who was nosing into their business and making life difficult for them … well, they threatened me if I didn't help them stop her."

"I'm sure you weren't willing at all," Ryan said sarcastically.

"I never wanted to see her get hurt."

"Come on man, you must have known your family and its reputation. You didn't think they'd kill her? What are you, stupid?"

The other man's eyes narrowed as he glared at the detectives. "I'm actually kind of surprised she didn't put two and two together. She's supposed to be this hotshot detective yet she wasn't able to connect the dots."

"Your last name is Davidson?" Esposito asked.

He nodded.

"We've never heard her call you anything but Josh," Ryan said. "Maybe she didn't even know it."

"Castle calls you Doctor Motorcycle Boy," Esposito added in an aside.

"Oh good, that's it, antagonize them and make him hate Richard," Martha said tearfully, cowering into Jim's protective arms. "You're not helping our cause any."

"Shut up, Davidson," the first man said. "You're talking too much. Go find the girl."

Josh's eyes scanned the room, landing on the stairs.

"You harm one hair on her head and I'll - " Ryan growled.

"And when he's done with you, you'll have to deal with me," Martha interrupted, fiery blue eyes flashing at him. "You don't want to know what I'll do to you if you hurt my granddaughter."

**TBC**


	17. Chapter 17

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Seventeen ~_

Alexis panicked. She was a sensitive, observant girl and she'd picked up on the silence and tense atmosphere after the doorbell had rung. Ryan's words only cemented the danger she'd already scented.

_I wish my dad was here_, was her first thought, then her grown up side took over and she took a couple of deep breaths as she listened to the conversation below and tried to figure out how to get out and get help. Her china blue eyes widened and her mouth opened in surprise as she realized one of the men below was detective Beckett's boyfriend.

She crept back to the bedroom she and her grandmother had been sharing and unlatched the balcony door. It was a good fifteen feet to the ground and she braced herself to jump, but at the last moment realized there was a tree close enough that if she pulled some acrobatics she might be able to jump to it and climb down without risk of breaking bones. She whispered a quick thank you for her brief exploration of cheerleading and then threw herself at the overhanging branch.

She caught it but nearly let go as the cold, hardened bark cut into her hands. With a muffled gasp, she pulled herself hand over hand to the trunk and locked her legs around it. Shimmying down caused more torn skin and a rip in her jeans but she was thankful to be free and broke into a run, not caring what direction she was going in.

She ran full out for about a minute, then ducked behind the front porch of a house and pulled out her phone. Thankfully detective Beckett's number was on speed dial; her hands were shaking so hard she was sure she wouldn't have been able to dial correctly.

"Please answer, please answer," she prayed desperately.

**xxxxx**

The ringing of the phone startled Kate and woke Castle from his fitful sleep.

Kate smiled, recognizing Alexis's number on the display. "Alexis, how are you?"

"Kate! We're in trouble!"

She sat bolt upright. "What's wrong?"

The young girl was quick and concise but Kate was already throwing a sweater on over her t-shirt and jeans before she'd finished talking.

"What is it?" Castle asked, face growing pale. "Is Alexis okay?"

Kate waved him off but nodded to show him she was fine. "Where are you?"

"I don't know."

"Okay, here's what you're going to do. Hail a cab and have it take you to the nearest police precinct. Give them my name and badge number - " she reeled it off, " - and tell them you need protection. Your dad and I will call you when its safe and then we'll come get you. Do you understand?"

"Where is she?" Castle demanded harshly. "I need to know what's going on."

"In a moment, Castle. Alexis, do you understand what I told you to do?"

"Yes detective. Oh, and one more thing. One of the bad guys is your boyfriend."

Kate exhaled forcefully, trying not to swear. "Okay, I'll take care of it. Go. And take care of yourself. Watch your back."

"You too."

Kate could hear the tears in her voice. "You worry about yourself honey, I'll take care of your dad and Martha. Help is on the way."

Castle grabbed her arm and spun her around, nearly knocking her over. "What is going on Kate? Tell me where my daughter is! Is she okay?"

She swallowed hard and told him, all the while checking her gun and reloading the clip. Castle hoisted himself to his feet, wincing, and began to dress.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going with you."

"Castle, you're not fit to - "

He glared at her and she flinched under his anger. "I'm going with you," he repeated firmly. "My family is in danger."

"So is mine," she reminded him.

"And you'd never allow yourself to be left behind, no matter what shape you were in."

The low, gravelly tone of his voice made it clear there was to be no argument. She acquiesced anyway; his point was valid. She wouldn't let herself be left behind. Not for anything.

"Fine, but you're staying in the car, do you understand me? _In the car_."

"Yes,_ detective._"

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair as he struggled to zip up his pants. "It's not that I don't want your help or know how important it is for you to be there for your family but you can barely do up your own fly, Castle. I just don't want to see you get hurt again." She swallowed over the sudden lump in her throat. "I don't think I could take it." She reached a hand out impulsively and cupped his cheek, the scratchy stubble tickling her palm.

His face softened and something sweet replaced the anger in his eyes. "I'll stay in the car," he whispered, voice husky, "just promise me you'll keep them safe, Kate. Promise me."

Her lips trembled. "With my life."

His eyes filled with tears that he hastily blinked back. "I don't want to have to trade your life for theirs."

"Thankfully that's a call you won't have to make."

**xxxxx**

Alexis darted from house to house, attempting to remain unseen in case anyone was after her. She was trying to keep a cool head and remain calm but the only experience she'd had with bad guys taking people hostage was in movies she'd watched and she knew all-too well that Hollywood endings weren't guaranteed in real life. She was not a religious girl by any means but she prayed to anything or anyone that might be out there to get her to safety and get help so the others would be safe too.

Knowing their lives might depend on her terrified her more than anything she'd ever lived through before.

**xxxxx**

"Montgomery's on his way with a SWAT team," Castle said briskly, flipping his phone shut.

"Good." Kate pushed the accelerator down harder, hitting the siren every now and then to break up traffic and make a path but not wanting to keep it on, knowing it would spook the bad guys if they heard it. Bad guys? Kidnappers? Murderers? She wasn't sure what to call them. Dead sons of bitches, if she had her way.

"Did you bring any painkillers?" Castle winced as he attempted to move his arm.

She didn't take her eyes off the road. "No, and I wouldn't give you any if I had."

"Aren't you nice? And here I thought you cared."

She grimaced. "You're tough enough to keep in line under normal circumstances. Drugged, you'd be impossible. I've got enough trouble coming without you adding to it."

"But it hurts," he whimpered.

"It would hurt a lot more if I had to handcuff it to the car to make you stay put."

"Point."

"We're nearly there, Castle. I need you to remember your promise and not to break it."

"But what if you need help?"

"That's what the SWAT team is for."

"But - "

"No buts, Castle. A promise is a promise." She stopped the car and looked directly at him. "You keep your promise and I'll keep mine."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll still keep mine, and assuming I'm still alive at the end of this, I will kick your ass so hard you will never forget it."

Their eyes tangled; frustration, sadness, fear, concern, all being shared freely. Kate had a sudden urge to kiss him and fought off the accompanying urge not to, leaning forward and pressing her lips against his for a brief second before taking off her seatbelt and leaving the car. "Stay safe, Rick," she whispered. "Please."

"You too. And Kate - I love you."

**xxxxx**

"She's going to beat us there," Montgomery said grimly, hands white on the steering wheel.

"I hope she doesn't do anything stupid."

Montgomery eyed Peter for a second. "She doesn't usually, but it's not usual for her family and Castle's to be on the line either."

"Mmm." Instructions came and Peter listened, relaying them to Montgomery verbally. "There's to be a two block radius around the safe house. They want snipers in place and a team ready to go in."

"At my command. They can do their jobs but only when I say so. Make sure Einarson understand who's the boss in this op."

"Will do."

Montgomery poured on more speed, hoping to arrive before Beckett and Castle got themselves into trouble they couldn't get out of.

**xxxxx**

Kate tiptoed along the line of houses, doing almost exactly what Alexis had done a short while earlier, save with gun in hand. She approached the safe house slowly, watching and listening for activity. The windows were lit up, although what she knew as the living room had the blinds drawn so she couldn't make out any silhouettes clearly. Alexis had told her there were four including Josh (_the bastard, how dared he use her like that!)_, but since the girl had escaped, things could have changed. Kate had to expect that they had; going in unprepared could mean life or death for all of them.

Her phone vibrated against her hip. "What?"

"I see Josh," Castle whispered. "By the house with the red door."

She scanned the houses, easily finding the one he'd referred to. "Sit tight. I'm coming back for him."

She crept back the way she'd come, desperately trying to locate her ex - _very, extremely ex _- boyfriend. It worried her that she couldn't see him anywhere.

She'd made it almost all the way back when she finally found him and her blood froze. He was standing beside the car, talking to Castle through the passenger window. And he had a gun.

"Step away from the car."

"Kate," he said, straightening up. "I - "

"I said step away from the car. Now." She raised her gun and pointed it at him. "And put your gun down and hands up."

"I can explain."

"I don't want to hear it, Josh." Her voice was unsteady. "Whatever you have to say doesn't matter. You betrayed me."

Josh stepped back two paced and shrugged. "I didn't have a choice. My family wants you, Kate. They want you to stop digging into their business and they'll do anything to make you stop, including hurting the people around you."

"If you hurt Castle, I'll … " Her voice was thick with emotion.

"They don't want to hurt him, or the others. They just want you."

Kate swallowed hard, her peripheral vision picking up the SWAT team getting into place surreptitiously. "Put the gun down and surrender Josh. There's no way you can win this. If you give yourself up now, they might go easy on you - just charge you with being an accessory to kidnapping. Minimal jail time."

"Come back to the house with me. They'll kill the others if you don't."

She hesitated and Castle jumped out of the car. Josh grabbed him by the collar of his coat.

"Fine," she said desperately. "I'll come. Just let him go." She lowered her gun and Josh let go of Castle.

"Kate no!"

Tears clouded her eyes and she blinked hard to keep them back. "Castle, step away from Josh." Montgomery appeared from behind a nearby van. "Roy, make sure Castle is safe," she called out, struggling to keep her voice steady and strong. "I'm going in to get the others out."

Her heart ached as he struggled against the captain, fighting to come to her aid. "Castle go. Let me handle this."

"Kate - " There was so much emotion in the agonized cry that her heart shattered.

"I know," she whispered. "Always." She smiled sadly. "Now go, I promised I'd get them out safely and I will." She watched for a few seconds as the SWAT team secured Josh with handcuffs behind his back.

"Would you have shot me?" he asked, voice curiously quiet, as she walked up to him.

Her face hardened to steel. "In a heartbeat."

**TBC**


	18. Chapter 18

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Eighteen ~_

"What do you think you're doing, Beckett?"

Montgomery's words were like ice melting down her back.

"I'm going in to get the hostages out."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

He looked up into her face yet somehow she felt as if she were the shorter of the two. He was a good two inches shorter than her when she wore heels but when he was angry and his eyes had that look in them she felt as if she were a misbehaving teen again, facing up to the consequences of her poor choices.

"You know the protocol. You'll become a hostage too if you go in there."

"I'm going in," she said firmly, "and you aren't going to stop me."

"Don't do this, Kate. You'll be in heaps of trouble ... if you even make it out alive."

"I know the risks," she said, lifting her head proudly. "And I'm willing to take them."

He shook his head. "It's my job to stop you."

"You can't."

"Then you leave me no choice. Detective Beckett, you're under suspension for disobeying a direct order. Hand over your badge and gun."

Kate shook her head. "No sir. You can't suspend me. I quit." She pulled her badge out of her coat pocket and put it and her gun on the hood of her car. "I no longer work for you so you can't tell me what to do." Before Montgomery could pick his jaw up off the ground, she'd jogged off towards the safe house.

"Holy mother of God." The captain exhaled forcibly, a low growly sound exploding out of his throat. "Is that woman ever stubborn."

Castle, nearby, flanked by two uniformed officers, drew in a shaky breath. "Is she going to die in there?" he asked slowly.

"I hope to hell not but the odds aren't in her favour, particularly not when she isn't armed."

"I'm sorry," Castle whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry I got her into this."

"What? It wasn't your fault these crazies have it out for her."

"She wouldn't have insisted on going in there if ... " He swallowed. "She promised - I made her promise to keep them safe ... " He choked on the last words, tears filling his eyes.

Montgomery put hand on the writer's shoulder, feeling him shake. "You know she would have gone in there anyway, promise or no. It's what she does. Who she is. What makes her such a great cop."

"They're all going to die in there," Castle said, face eerily blank. "All of the people I care most about."

"Have faith, Castle. It's a tough situation, there's no denying that, but if anyone can use her wits to turn the situation to her advantage, it's Beckett. I've got to take charge and make sure we catch any cues she gives us. She's going to need help and I don't want to fail her."

"But you just ... she just ... " Castle blinked in confusion.

"We'll deal with all of that later." Montgomery smiled sadly. "I love her too you know, and I'll do anything to get her - all of them - out alive."

The answer was barely a whisper. "Thank you."

**xxxxx**

Kate opened the door slowly. _No sudden moves. Don't spook them._ She knew hostage protocol well. She'd taken a refresher course the previous summer. It was rare for homicide cops to be held hostage or encounter a hostage situation but rules maintained that all officers had to have that training just in case.

She heard the click of their guns before she saw them. "It's Kate Beckett," she called out slowly. "I'm alone and I'm unarmed."

"Come in slowly and shut the door behind you."

She did as bidden, quickly sussing out the situation and breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of the hostages, all accounted for and still breathing.

"Katie!" Jim Beckett stood as if to run to her but quickly sat as one of the men swung around and pointed a gun at him.

"I'm okay dad. Are you all okay? No one's hurt?"

"We're fine," Ryan said. Martha nodded tearfully.

"Good. I'm glad you're _all_ okay." She emphasized the all and was relieved to see her partners got the hint.

"Join your friends."

Kate did, standing restlessly beside Esposito. "Okay, I heard you wanted me. I'm here, you've got me, now let the others go," she said evenly.

"Why would we do that?" the second man asked.

"Because if you don't, you won't get out of here alive." She knew an 'oh yeah?' look when she saw one. "You don't think I came here alone, you do? There's a SWAT team outside ready to take you."

The first man pursed his lips. "I don't believe you."

"It's true. We could have just taken you with no warning but someone might have gotten hurt. I got clearance to come in here and trade myself for the others. You don't want them anyway; they're not the ones who have the knowledge that could hurt you or your bosses," she coaxed. "They're innocents. Let them go and we can talk."

"Them maybe." The first man pointed at Martha and Jim. "But these are your partners. You expect us to believe they don't know nothing? Come on."

Kate snorted and tossed her hair. "Come on yourself. They're just grunts. Barely out of uniform. You don't think I tell them anything do you? I'm the boss here." They began to look a little less confident so she pressed on. "Your boss doesn't tell you everything does he? Only what you need to know. I only tell these schmucks what they need to know and they don't know nothing about nothing."

She held the first man's gaze defiantly though she could feel the uncomfortable atmosphere emanating from behind her. Her dad and Martha were confused by her behaviour; they didn't get what she was doing. She hoped Ryan and Esposito did but couldn't risk giving the game away by looking at them.

"He did say we was just supposed to use these guys to get to her," the third man said. "That's what he said."

The first man studied them all in turn; his own men, then she and her people. "Fine. They can go. But you stay."

Kate nodded. "That's the deal."

"What about the girl?" the second man asked, clearly just remembering. "And Davidson?"

"We've got her. She's safe." Kate prayed it was the truth.

The first man, obviously the leader, growled. "Go. Before I change my mind and shoot all of you."

They didn't need telling twice.

"Hey, I said you stay." He stepped in front of Kate and pushed the gun towards her, trying to force her back.

"I need to be the one to let them out. If my team doesn't see me they'll shoot to kill."

Martha shuddered. Jim put his arm around her shoulders protectively.

"Your team, eh?"

Kate shrugged. "I told you there was a SWAT team out there. Let me let the hostages out and I'll come back."

"I don't believe you." Quick as a flash he put his gun down and pulled Kate's 'cuffs out of her pocket, fastening one to her wrist and one to his own.

"You'd best stay out of sight or they'll kill you," she warned.

"Well tell them not to," he hissed in her ear.

"I don't have a comm line."

"This is all seeming very fishy." His eyes narrowed.

"Fishy or not, you've got me." Kate lifted her cuffed wrist. "Let me get them out safely. Clearly I'm not going anywhere without you."

**xxxxx**

Alexis flew into her father's arms, hugging him so tightly he was afraid she was crushing ribs.

"Oh dad, I was so scared!"

"Me too sweetheart. Me too." Castle buried his face in her hair and held her tightly, not caring about the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "I'm so glad you're okay. I love you so very much."

"I love you too dad."

After a long minute she pulled her face away from his chest and looked up into his eyes. "Is Grams still in there?"

Castle nodded wordlessly.

"And Detective Beckett ... ?"

"She's in there," he said hoarsely. "Trying to get them out."

She, who knew him so well, read the fear and hopelessness in his eyes and her own filled up with tears. "They're going to make it dad." Her voice was shaky. "They have to."

"They have to," he echoed in a tacit whisper.

Sudden movement and chatter between Montgomery and the SWAT supervisor caused terror to take hold of her. "Is something wrong? What's happening?" Alexis didn't expect to get answers but the questions burst out of her nonetheless.

"The door's opening ... someone's coming out ... look! There's Beckett!" Montgomery sounded breathless.

Alexis clutched at her father's hand, heart stopping for a moment.

"The hostages are coming out. Do not shoot. I repeat, DO NOT SHOOT."

Martha appeared first. Alexis squealed and jumped up and down. Jim Beckett came second, followed closely by Ryan and Esposito.

Castle scooped his mother up into his arms, not even noticing the pain, squeezing her tightly and sandwiching Alexis between them.

"Oh Richard, Richard, thank God!" Martha cried shamelessly as the three of them embraced. Eventually they split apart, Castle's face whitening as he realized Kate wasn't with them or their partners.

"Where is she?" he asked quietly. "Is she still alive?"

Jim's haunted eyes met his. "She traded her life for ours," he said, blank tone matching the look in his eyes.

"Is she still alive?" Castle repeated, the raw emotion tearing at his vocal chords.

A single tear fell down Jim's cheek. "For now."

Martha grabbed him and pulled him into the circle. "You know her better than anyone. You know she'll find a way out of this."

"Actually I think _you_ know her better than anyone," Jim said, looking up at Castle. "I don't see her so often anymore but when I do it's always 'Castle and I did ... ' and 'Castle was so funny when he ...' She never stops talking about the cases you've solved or the laughs you've shared together." He smiled through his tears. "I don't think she realizes it yet but she's in love with you."

Castle had to fight to get the words out. "I think it's beginning to dawn on her," he whispered. "Too late."

"Don't you believe that, Richard Alexander Rodgers," Martha said harshly. "I did not raise a quitter. You know better than to give up when it's not over yet."

Ryan and Esposito joined the group tactfully, each of them hugging the others in turn. Even Esposito pulled Castle close and patted him on the back. "She'll be okay, bro. She will. Beckett's a fighter and she's playing the game with them. She'll win. I know she will."

Castle nodded quickly, not trusting himself to speak.

"Ryan, Esposito," Montgomery called out. "I need you. I've got snipers and firepower and everything we need to take these sons of bitches down, but you two know Beckett better than any of Einarson's men. You need to help us coordinate our attack so she doesn't get hurt."

"Yes sir."

**xxxxx**

"You mind taking these cuffs off? It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Actually I do mind. I'd rather keep you where I can see you."

Kate sighed. "Fine. You guys know this can only end one way, right?"

"With you dead?" the third man asked.

He wasn't the brightest of the bunch, she'd noted, but then hired muscle wasn't notorious for being overly intelligent. "No, with _you_ dead."

"Ha ha, that's really funny."

She narrowed her eyes at the second one. "Laugh all you like but we are going to take you down. All of you."

"People been trying for years. It ain't gonna happen today." The leader, still chained to her, turned his head to look directly into her eyes. "We're not afraid of killing cops you know."

"I'm aware of that," Kate said dryly. "But you do know that I'm not the only one with the knowledge that can you bring you down. My captain knows. The FBI knows. The district attorney knows. You can kill me but that won't stop you from going down with me."

"You're bluffing."

"Try me." Her face was dead serious. "You killed my mother years ago and I swore one day I'd take you down. I'm willing to die to make good on that promise."

The leader yanked her arm and growled in frustration. Then he loosened his end of the cuffs and chained her to the radiator instead.

"We need to talk," he said brusquely, waving the other two into the kitchen with his head.

Kate saw her moment and took it. She leaned up as far as she could and with her free hand she stretched across the window to pull the blind cord, exposing the room to the outside world.

**xxxxx**

"That's it!" Esposito shouted excitedly. "That's the signal! Go!"

The SWAT team surrounded the house quickly. Montgomery prayed.

**TBC**


	19. Chapter 19

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Nineteen ~_

The door slammed open and the SWAT team entered, at exactly the same moment the three men burst out of the kitchen, guns levelled at Kate.

She huddled close to the rad, shaking. The bravado she'd put on had been all front; the last thing she wanted was to die, even if it did mean justice had been served. _Castle,_ she thought helplessly, forcing back tears as the leader clicked the barrel.

**xxxxx**

A shot rang out. Then three more.

"Kate!" Castle burst away from his family and ran towards the house. Arms appeared from everywhere, pulling him back.

"Let me go! I need to see her! Let go!" he roared, voice growing hoarser with each word. "Let me in there! Kate! Let go of me!"

He fought like a tiger but even his sudden adrenaline-and-fear-fueled strength was no match for four trained officers. He kept pulling against them, calling out her name futilely, ever more softy with each repetition until his voice was completely gone.

Castle finally sagged, spent, head and shoulders bowing as his eyes fell to the ground, tears forming a puddle at his feet.

"Richard, you're bleeding." Martha's words were as soft as the touch of her hand on his uninjured arm. A quick look confirmed he'd torn open the bullet wound and it had begun to ooze down his arm, but it was nothing compared to the blood pouring from his shredded heart.

"It's over," he whispered. "She's gone."

**xxxxx**

The bullet clanged as it hit the rad. Three more shots rang out; three bodies hit the ground, all cleanly hit through the shoulder.

"Are you okay?" one of the SWAT guys asked, coming over to her and kneeling down.

"Fine," Kate said shakily. "He missed."

"Thank god. There are some people out there, one in particular, who are crazy with worry about you."

Dimly she became aware of Castle shouting. She could picture him, fighting for all he was worth to get to her, shouting until his voice gave out; that was exactly what she would be doing if the situation were reversed.

"The keys are in that guy's pocket." Kate nodded at the leader, jangling the handcuffs to show what she was referring to. "Are they still alive?" she asked slowly.

"Orders were to take them down without killing them," one of the men answered, then he pulled out his walkie talkie and called for the EMT's to come in.

Kate massaged her wrist as he freed her, slowly getting to her feet. "Good." The man who freed her offered her an arm for support and she took it, throwing pride aside.

**xxxxx**

Amongst the bustle of the medical teams coming and going, two figures emerged, walking slowly.

From where he stood, a good twenty feet away, Montgomery could see Kate shaking, her full weight being held up by the man assisting her.

Castle saw her barely a moment later, whispering her name like a prayer. He broke away from his family and headed towards her, his strides lengthening into a dead run. He pulled her into his arms; the officer only letting go once she'd been safely transferred.

"Kate, you're okay, you're alive … thank god you're okay." Castle stared at her, as if unbelieving, then pulled her tightly against him, burying his face in her hair.

The captain blinked rapidly as he watched them, Kate's tears wetting Castle's shirt and his dripping down her back as his arms enfolded her, making her seem improbably tiny. The rest of them - her father, Castle's family and her coworkers, waited, respecting the emotional reunion, but eventually deposed the writer and took turns hugging her and telling her what was in their hearts.

Kate hugged Alexis last of all, smiling fondly down at the petite girl and stroking her hair like a mother would. "Good girl," she said softly. "You did exactly the right thing." She swallowed hard and looked up at Castle. "You should be very proud of your daughter."

"I am," he whispered huskily.

"She's definitely a chip off the old block. Smart, strong, brave … "

"Brave?" Alexis questioned. "I'm not brave. I was terrified!"

"Don't confuse bravery with stupidity. Bravery isn't the absence of fear. It's putting that fear to work for you and doing what needs to be done. That's what you did." She pushed the girl's hair back behind her ears and smiled at her.

"You're the bravest person I know," Alexis said to her, eyes shining.

"I'll second that," Castle whispered.

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean I wasn't terrified in there."

"Were you really?"

Kate choked up. "Really."

Esposito raised an eyebrow. "Didn't look that way from where I was standing."

Kate forced a smile. "Never let 'em see you're scared. Hostage protocol, one-oh-one."

Montgomery, who'd hung back and watched everything from several steps removed, now stepped forward. The group parted to leave the two of them some space. Kate's eyes filled with tears as he stood before her.

"Roy, I … " she faltered.

He stepped forward and pulled her into a fierce hug. "Come here you crazy lunatic." The embraced for several minutes, no words spoken but tears flowing freely. "You are certifiably insane, you know that Kate?"

She laughed through her tears. "I know, sir."

"I love you, Katherine Beckett, and I am more relieved than I can say that you're okay. But you know there are going to be serious consequences for what you did here today."

"I know."

"I may not be able to protect you."

"I understand." She lifted her chin proudly. "It was my decision and I accept whatever consequences come my way."

He patted her arm. "That's my girl. You look exhausted though. Go home. All of you. Go home. Get some rest. Ryan, Esposito and Beckett - I'll see you three in forty-eight hours to take statements. In the meanwhile, get some sleep and be thankful you're still alive. Lord knows I am."

Castle put an arm around each of his two women, wincing at the pain he was finally noticing.

"You should get one of the EMT's to check that out before you go home," Kate said, seeing the pain on his expressive face.

"Are you going to … do you need … how are you getting home? Do you want to wait … "

"I'm taking her," Jim interrupted. "I need to spend some time with my girl." He wrapped his arm around her waist.

Kate smiled but inside she felt something was off. "Will you be okay, Castle?" she asked, eyes meeting his.

"We'll take good care of him," Alexis assured her.

"But you can come by and visit the invalid any time you like," Martha added, reading the pain behind the smile with dead accuracy.

"Thank you," Kate said softly.

"The invalid." Castle snorted but his eyes twinkled. "You treat me like I'm incapable or something."

"You are darling. Your'e a man who's hurt. Alexis and I know you well enough to know you'll be expecting breakfast in bed and royal treatment for a week."

"Mother." His cheeks reddened.

"And you deserve it." Montgomery touched his shoulder. "You helped us take down one of the most elusive crime syndicates operating in the last two decades. That deserves a royal reward. For all of you. Now go home. I'm tired and I want to get things wrapped up here."

**xxxxx**

Kate sat beside her father in the car; he'd insisted on driving when he saw how shaky her hands were. Jim tried to make small talk but she wasn't having any of it. Just couldn't seem to make her mind focus on what he was saying. She forced herself to make a few appropriately-timed grunts but his attempts to draw her out failed and eventually he must have got the picture because he stopped and let silence take over.

She smiled apologetically when they pulled up outside her apartment. "I'm sorry I'm not very good company right now."

He touched her arm lovingly. "It's okay honey. I know you went through hell in there and it's a lot for you to process."

She smiled. "I just need some time. And some quiet to listen to my own thoughts."

"You'll be okay on your own tonight? You don't want me to stay?"

"No, I'll be okay. I know you're only a phone call away if I need you. And dad - " She smiled into his eyes. "Thanks for understanding."

**xxxxx**

Home was so much more comfortable than the way he'd spent the last few days but Castle wished he was back at the hotel with Kate. He missed their forced intimacy; not just the kisses or the bed they'd shared, but the constancy of being together outside the work environment. Of course work had still intruded, given the circumstances under which they'd been sequestered so it wasn't really a complete vision of what life together would be like.

Castle could help but wonder though. What would it be like spending every day with Kate? Every night? He imagined they'd still enjoy the same conversations about everything but work, still tease each other and flirt mercilessly since they both seemed to enjoy it, but the one change would be that he could touch her. Hold her. The thought of sitting on the couch watching a movie with her, arms around her, was one that filled him with a longing that he couldn't even begin to put words to. It made his heart ache.

"Are you okay, Richard? Do you need anything else?"

He smiled at Martha as she knocked and entered the bedroom. "I'm fine. I'm good. I'm better than good." With his good arm his gestured in a regal way. "I have food, drinks, books, blankets … and most importantly, painkillers. What more could a man want?"

"What more could a man want indeed," she repeated dryly, then she moved a couple of steps closer. "I'm pretty sure I can name something, or rather _someone_, you'd like here right now.

He opened his mouth to give the usual bluster but found he was just too tired and drained to make the effort. "I'm pretty sure you can too," he admitted with a sigh. "But she needs her own time and space to deal with what happened, and she needs time with her own family."

Martha sat on the edge of the bed. "She doesn't have much family. It can be lonesome when you're only one or two. I know. We can be her family too, if she'd like."

He smiled the tender, adoring smile that anyone who knew him well knew was reserved for his mother alone, and took her hand in his. "I'm sure she already thinks of you and Alexis as family. She wouldn't have risked her life the way she did, if she didn't."

"Did you ever think perhaps it was because of you? She cares so much for you that she can't bear to see you get hurt."

His forehead creased. She patted their entwined hands with her free one. "I've seen the way she looks at you, Richard. I know when a woman is in love and Kate Beckett is definitely in love with you. You need to let her know you feel the same way and let her know she's already a part of this family as far as we're concerned. Even if it never becomes official and you just stay 'partners' - " it was obviously in quotes, "Alexis and I love that woman dearly and will always consider her a part of our family."

Blue eyes met for a beat, then Castle leaned forward and drew his mother into a hug. "I love you."

**xxxxx**

Her apartment felt bleak. Lonely. Almost unfamiliar. Rather than feeling relieved and comforted to be at home and no longer in danger, Kate felt a disquiet that filled her soul and made her feel restless and empty.

She missed Castle. She missed sharing a room with him, knowing he was always there, a presence in her life that knew her better than she knew herself and always seemed to give her what she needed before she even knew she needed it.

She walked around the apartment, unable to settle. Bed was out of the question. She'd tried getting ready and climbing in but had only managed about two minutes of tossing and turning before getting out and resuming her pacing.

Her eyes landed on her cellphone and she felt and overwhelming urge to call Castle, the desire to have contact with him more powerful than she'd ever felt it before. She fought the urge for a long while, knowing he needed his family and rest, but eventually she realized the battle was futile.

She began to dress.

**xxxxx**

The buzzer sounded in Castle's loft and a part of her wished she could take it back. It was late and she didn't like the thought of waking Martha and Alexis, much as she couldn't resist the need to see Castle. _ I should have just called, _she thought, guilt pinking her cheeks, and decided to turn around and go home. Before she could act, the door opened.

"Why Kate, come in." Martha wore the bright blue and red kimono with a lime green dragon well. On anyone else it would have looked gaudy.

"I'm sorry," Kate blurted out. "I shouldn't have come so late, and I … "

Martha touched her arm, smiling. "Richard isn't sleeping either. I'll take you up to him." She knocked softly at the door of the master suite, opening it just a little.

"Mother?" came his quiet voice. Kate choked up instantly, blinking back sudden tears.

"You have a visitor, my dear." Martha opened the door further to reveal the tall brunette beside her.

Castle's tired eyes lit up like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. "Kate … you came."

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Twenty ~_

Martha withdrew tactfully and shut the door behind her. The two of them sat in silence for a long minute or perhaps even two. Kate waited for him to make the first move; she'd learned early on that he was very near allergic to silence and if she waited him out he'd always talk first.

This time he didn't.

Instead, he patted the bed beside him, his eyes beckoning her to come. She couldn't refuse. He took her hand in his, clasping it protectively and stroking the top of it with his thumb. It was a loving gesture, sweet and simple, just like he was. Time and hurt had built the exterior shell of nonchalance and narcissism that the rest of the world saw but she knew that's not who he really was inside.

Eventually she felt the need to break the silence. "Today was - "

"Extraordinary."

He must have felt her sudden inner jolt because he turned his head to face her. "I don't mean extraordinary in the way_ you're_ extraordinary. When I say you're extraordinary it's a good thing because you're good. Actually you're way past good, Kate, you're … well, extraordinary. Today's extraordinary was _extra-ordinary_, if you know what I mean. Out of the ordinary. Unlike anything I've ever lived through, and to be honest, don't ever want to live through again."

He was babbling. Often she found it charming, sometimes annoying; either way she teased him unmercifully and often told him to shut up. This time it was different. It was a release. Catharsis. His way of letting out all the difficult feelings he'd been trying to keep bottled up inside. He needed to get it all out, and doing it within the safety and familiarity of words was something she wasn't going to discourage.

"I understand," she said softly. She squeezed his hand. "But we all made it out okay and that's the most important thing. I'm alive, you're alive and we're here, now."

"Now," he repeated, a faraway look crossing his face. "Now? I want to kiss you now."

Kate smirked. "What's stopping you?"

"The fact that my lips are tingly and I feel like the world is a little off kilter."

"You didn't take an overdose of your meds, did you?"

"Check with my nurse. I'm supposed to get enough morphine to kill the pain so I can sleep."

"Well you're certainly not feeling any pain," she smiled. "Let's lay you down and you can get some sleep."

"Only if you join me."

"Do I get morphine too?" she teased.

"I'm always willing to share."

"Always," Kate whispered as she lay down beside him.

He pulled her close so her head was resting on his chest. "Always. I'll always love you, Katherine Beckett."

She grinned mischievously. "Not if I love you first."

"Do we have to argue about this?"

"Who's arguing?"

"Obviously not us."

She smiled as she reached out to turn out the bedside lamp and darkness fell. "Go to sleep Castle."

**xxxxx**

Montgomery spend half the night at the precinct writing his report. He liked to get it done soon after the incident had occurred, while details were still fresh. Today's report was particularly important; he had to find a way to clear Kate of what she'd done. He knew as soon as word got up the chain of command that she'd be stripped of her badge permanently for the stunt she'd pulled. Insubordination wasn't looked upon lightly in the force, a place where discipline and command were essential. He'd covered for her before, pleaded for her even, but he had the feeling that with her track record all pleadings would now fall on deaf ears. He wasn't about to let that happen.

Not to his best cop.

**xxxxx**

Her sleep was restless, her dreams strange and unnerving as they always were after tough days. This time she was back in the safe house, only she wasn't the prisoner. Castle was. They'd taken him and she was desperate to find him.

_The house was dark and she felt her way cautiously, trying not to make a sound lest they hear her and kill him. She wanted desperately to call out his name, get some confirmation that he was okay, but she daren't._

_The downstairs secured, she began a slow ascent to the bedrooms, figuring he must be tied up in one of them. She turned the knob noiselessly, opening the door to the first room. Sounds reached her ears through the darkness. Strange, yet somewhat familiar sounds. Breathing. The sound of sheets moving._

_Kate poised herself and turned on the light._

**xxxxx**

Her hands roamed his body, as if unable to stop touching him, eyes drinking him in and capturing his soul.

"I'm fine," Esposito said, running a hand through Lanie's hair in order to try to calm her.

"But you were kidnapped. Held at gunpoint. You could have been killed!"

"It's okay, baby. Nothing like that happened. We all got out okay." He could see in her eyes that she'd been beside herself with worry and it made his heart smile. For all they'd agreed it wasn't just a one-time thing between them, he sometimes wondered if their casual relationship was ever going to blossom into something deeper. He hoped so but wasn't sure she felt the same way. Until now.

Lanie pulled his head down to hers, resting their foreheads together. "I was so worried about you," she said softly.

"I was worried too, worried that I'd never see you again." He kissed her hungrily, arms tightening around her waist.

"I wish you didn't have such a dangerous job, Javi."

"It's not normally like this, you know that. Usually it's pretty routine. One might even say boring sometimes." He smiled, trying to convince her.

"Twice in the last few weeks you've been taken and threatened with your life. It scares me."

"Me too, chica. Me too."

**xxxxx**

_Castle was in the room and he was restrained, but handcuffed to the bed and stark naked was not how she expected to see him. Especially not with an equally naked woman astride him._

_She wasn't aware she'd made a sound but she must have as they stopped their movements and both turned to look at her. Kate half lowered her gun, jaw dropping to match it. "What the hell … "_

_"Kate, it's nice to see you." Castle smiled archly. "Care to join us?"_

_"Castle, I … " She couldn't continue._

_"Rick, please. Castle is so very formal. Do we need to be that formal with one another? Still?"_

_"I thought you were a prisoner," she finally got out. "I came to rescue you."_

_The woman - blonde, buxom, with a cheap prettiness that probably cost a fortune in plastic surgery and make up - turned and looked pityingly down on her. "You poor thing. Haven't you figured out yet that Rick doesn't want to be rescued?"_

_Kate's mouth went dry. "Is that true?" she rasped._

_Castle shrugged. "You know I think you're extraordinary Kate, but I want more than you're willing to give. I want sex. Lots of sex." He grinned hungrily. "You're welcome to join us if you're feeling left out. The more the merrier."_

_"No." She began to back away. "No. This can't be happening. This isn't real. It must be a dream."_

_"It's not a dream, Kate," a voice whispered in her ear. She spun around and stopped dead. Tom Demming stood before her._

_"You? You can't be here. What are you doing here?" she demanded._

_"I'm here to rescue you. You think Castle is the one for you but he's not. He can't give you what you want, what you need. Neither can that flashy young doctor you've been seeing." He stepped closer, grasping her upper arms to pull her closer to him. She tried to pull away but his grip was like iron. "Only I can give you what you need, Kate. I'm the only one who understands you. Who understands what it's like being a cop."_

_"No. I don't believe you. I won't believe you. You're wrong." She wriggled harder and lost her balance as he let go suddenly. She fell against the wall with a bang._

_"You don't believe now but you will. One day. 'If you love something, set it free.' You'll come back to me, Kate. I know you will."_

She woke in a cold sweat, disoriented for a moment until she recognized Castle's bedroom furnishings. His body was warm as he slept beside her and she smiled despite the lingering discomfort of the dream. What would it be like for them to actually be _together_? She never really allowed herself to wonder under the premise that, originally, she'd been sure living with someone so arrogant and selfish would be a living hell, and later, that thinking about and fantasizing about one man while in a committed relationship with someone else had to be wrong on more levels than she could count. Now, she allowed herself the luxury.

Surprisingly, it was easy to imagine. Perhaps because she'd spent the better part of every day with him for over two years, and plenty of off-duty hours as well, she could imagine evenings, weekends and nights with him. It would be fun, of that she was certain. He was playful and boyish at times but he loved sharing his enthusiasm and making others around him happy. He was generous, and not just with money either. He'd already given her more than she could ever repay in support and friendship. She'd finally begun to realize the depth of his feelings for her when she noticed he always put her first. Despite his outward act for the public, he treated his mother and daughter like royalty and had lately taken her into that fold as well. She knew that having a life with Richard Castle meant she would never want for anything, material or otherwise.

The one-and-done comment she'd tossed off to him once had been partly flippant; the yin to his yang of repeated marriage and divorce, but she actually was half serious about it. Serious enough anyway that she'd never really even considered living with anyone, let alone marrying them. But then she'd never before encountered someone with whom the more time she spent with, the more she wanted to. Castle was still a mystery to her, even after all this time. Predictable in many ways, but able to surprise her often enough to keep her on her toes. She had to admit it was one of the things that made him most attractive to her, the sense that she would never fully know him and that there were always more layers to uncover.

He began to stir. "Good morning, detective," he murmured as he opened his eyes.

"Good morning yourself, writer-man." She smiled shyly. "How are you feeling?"

"Any pain I might be feeling is more than offset by the fact that there's a stunningly beautiful woman in my bed."

"Are you always this smooth, even first thing in the morning?"

"How long have you known me?"

She reached out a finger and traced the line of his jaw. "I could get used to this."

"So could I." Castle's dazzling smile lost a few watts and serious look darkened his eyes. He cupped her cheek with one hand. "I came so close to losing you yesterday, Kate," he whispered hoarsely, voice uneven. "I don't want that to happen ever again. Promise me you won't do anything like that again. I don't think I could face losing you."

She stiffened. "I can't make that promise, you know that Castle. It's my job, it's what I do. Danger is part of it."

"Walking into a situation where you know the bad guys want you dead - and without backup? That's not part of the job. That's just stupidity."

Kate's eyes narrowed as she sat up. "Are you calling me stupid?"

"No, of course not."

She pushed the covers back and stood. "Sure sounds like it to me."

He struggled to a sitting position. "Kate, please. That's not what I meant. I said it badly. I just meant … what you did yesterday was crazy dangerous and it scared the hell out of me." He swallowed hard, his Adam's Apple visibly shaking. "I thought I'd lost you."

"It's the nature of the beast, Castle. Danger is part and parcel of the job. I thought you knew that."

"I know, but … "

"No buts. I can't be a cop and not put myself in dangerous situations."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be."

Her heart skipped a beat. "I beg your pardon?" she said slowly.

"Maybe you shouldn't be a cop. You'd be a heck of a lot safer. Besides, didn't you quit yesterday?"

"I do not believe this," she said flatly. "You are not asking me to give up what I do, are you?"

"Not asking, just suggesting."

"How about I 'suggest' you give up writing then?" Her eyes flashed dark fire at him.

"You know I couldn't - "

"Any more than I can," she interrupted, fixing her clothing and running a hand through her hair to smooth it. "I've got enough on my plate dealing with the fallout of what I did for you yesterday. I can't deal with this right now." She strode across the bedroom.

Castle jumped to his feet, oblivious of the pain in his arm. "Kate, wait."

"I need to go." She threw him a sad look over her shoulder and walked out.

"Kate, please … " The last words were spoken to the closed door. "Don't go."

**TBC**


	21. Chapter 21

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Twenty-One ~_

Kate flew down the stairs, hoping no one else was awake yet and that she could flee before the tears came. No such luck. Martha and Alexis were both up - looking gorgeous in their designer pajamas she noted briefly - and sitting at the kitchen counter enjoying breakfast.

"Good morning, Kate," Martha trilled, a big smile lighting up her face. "Did you two get any sleep?" She seemed to think the better of her question and held up a hand. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Join us for breakfast?"

Kate's bottom lip quivered. "I can't," she whispered. "I have to go."

"Why?" Martha rose. "What's the matter darling?"

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I have to go," she repeated, then she turned and walked towards the door.

"Kate!"

"Detective Beckett!"

She grabbed the door handle and paused for a minute, looking over her shoulder at them. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, hoping they'd understand.

Once she was in the hallway she made a split-second decision to go for the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. If someone were to come after her ... the tears were barely holding as it was.

A voice called her name just as the stairwell door clicked shut. _Martha_. Thank goodness she'd listened to her instincts. Not that in other circumstances she mightn't have been willing to cry on Martha's shoulder, but she didn't want to put Castle's mother in the middle of things and what had just happened had cut her deeply. She needed to get home to safety. Privacy. A place where she could be alone with her hurt.

The tears seemed to have a mind of their own however, and began to fall. She sank to the floor, back leaning against the cold, metal door, and sobbed.

**xxxxx**

Castle came downstairs five minutes later, washed up but not yet dressed. There was a pounding in his head; perhaps the intelligent and responsible part of his brain pummelling the part that hadn't censored itself before speaking.

"Is she gone?" he asked dully, coming to stand before his family.

Martha nodded.

"Dad, what did you do?" Alexis asked slowly, accusingly.

"Whatever it was, it was bad enough to have Kate running out of here practically in tears. Richard, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." He ran a weary hand through his hair, spiking it up comically. "I spoke before I thought, and ... "

"Will you never learn?"

Castle hung his head shamefully at his daughter's words. "I was just wor ... it just slipped out and ... " He sighed. "I was wrong. I shouldn't have said what I did."

"What did you say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to Beckett."

He lifted his eyes to meet Alexis's questioning ones. "It's between me and her. I'd rather not share it."

"Of course." Martha touched his arm. "You know how to make this right."

"I will mother. But not yet. She needs time. If I go chasing after her now it'll just push her further away."

"It amazes me that sometimes you seem to know her so well and yet others it's as if you're still strangers. You really have a knack for opening your mouth and putting your foot in it with her, don't you?"

Castle's cheeks flamed as he gave his mother a quick, embarrassed smile. "Consider both feet jammed in this time."

"I sometimes wonder that you're related to me." She shook her head at him, Alexis joining her in the lighthearted condemnation.

"Haven't you ever said the wrong thing to someone you care deeply for? It's not like you don't know it's the wrong thing, it's just ... your heart speaks up instead of your brain, and ... "

"All the time, dear. All the time."

Alexis put her arms around his waist. "You can fix it, dad. You always do. It's not the first time and she's forgiven you before. I'm sure you'll be back together soon."

His one eyebrow raised. "What, did I raise a matchmaker?"

Alexis and Martha looked at each other for a second, then broke into song.

"Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find. Catch me a catch ... "

**xxxxx**

Kate closed her apartment door behind her, leaning against it for support. She was grateful the cabbie had left her alone, likely coming up with his own supposition for why she'd be heading home at this early hour of the morning, crying.

She was thankful too to be back home. Her refuge. Sanctuary. The place where she could uncheck the feelings that were bursting to get out and just let them be.

She'd heard the saying 'company doubles your joys and halves your burdens' but she'd never really found anyone she was willing to share her burdens with. That meant opening herself up and being vulnerable and there was no one she trusted to handle her with enough care that she didn't break.

Except Castle.

She sniffed. Castle was why her heart was hurting so badly right now. Or was he? Kate pushed the disturbing thought aside and went into the kitchen to make some tea. While she waited for the kettle to boil, she walked around her apartment, eventually ending up in front of her private murder board.

_You never really let it go, did you? You dropped the investigation eleven years ago when nothing turned up but somewhere deep inside you just couldn't let it go. Now it's consumed your life - literally. All of the people you care about have been put in danger all because you had to keep poking and couldn't leave well enough alone. Why? Why can't you just let it become part of the past and move forwards? She's gone. Nothing you do can bring her back and you may end up losing others you love if you keep pushing._

An even more disturbing thought surprised her._ Is Johanna Beckett's murder all you have, Kate? Is it what defines you? Without it, who would you be? Would you still put work first and eschew all other commitments? Would you even be doing this if it weren't for that?_

Maybe Castle was right. She'd only become a cop because her mother's murder had wrenched her heart and put a huge hole in her life that she hadn't been able to mend. Trying to find answers was her way of avoiding dealing with that hole, always telling herself that one day she'd find out and then she'd be whole again. She'd always put everything else second. She'd never considered letting that hole fill itself as she found happiness and wholeness elsewhere.

Suddenly she became aware of the kettle's high-pitched whistling and brought herself back to the present to make the tea. Several minutes later, steaming mug in her hands and she cuddled up on the couch, she let her mind wander again.

_Castle really doesn't know me if he thinks I can just quit being a cop. How dare he even suggest a thing? He prides himself on his observational skills but even after all this time together he really doesn't get me._ Frustration and anger knotted her stomach again but then something she hadn't thought of in her indignation came to the surface._ Maybe he's just scared. As scared of losing you as you are of losing him. How did you react when you found out he'd been shot? Cool as a cucumber weren't you, Kate?_

Her face, already red from crying, grew a shade darker. She hadn't been any better than he, yelling at him and telling him he wasn't allowed to be a part of these dangerous operations anymore._ Yeah, but you're actually a cop, trained to face danger. He isn't. _It was true, but it didn't change the emotions either of them felt.

She put down the tea and rubbed her eyes. Understanding the whys didn't make these feelings any easier to deal with. She was a wreck. A complete and utter emotional wreck. The last few days had put her through the wringer and caused a roller coaster of emotions to come to the surface. Much as she wanted to fix what was wrong with her and Castle, she knew she needed some time alone first. And sleep. Sleep was paramount. Given how worked up she was, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep without help so she took a sleeping pill and popped in her headphones with some quiet, soothing music as she lay down.

**xxxxx**

Montgomery woke to the sound of his cell phone ringing. He peeked at the clock before picking it up. Nine am. It felt much earlier, given that he'd only reached bed somewhere after four o'clock in the morning.

"Montgomery," he said sleepily, but his eyes snapped wide open once he realized who it was. "Yes sir. Ten o'clock. I'll be there."

He made a sound low in his throat as he jumped out of bed and headed for the shower. The commissioner received hundreds of emails and reports daily; he'd counted on the one he'd just filed being near the end of the docket so he'd have the day to prepare his defense for Beckett. No such luck. He was on in ... three minutes less of an hour and he had only his shower and the ride to the office to get it all together.

Sometimes he really hated his job.

**xxxxx**

Jenny woke to her fiancee's face smiling across the pillow at her.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Hey yourself." She smiled back, reaching a hand out to smooth his sleep-rumpled hair. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Awesome. Fantastic." His grin widened. "I'm alive and you're here with me and what could make this day any better?"

"Breakfast in bed?"

Ryan chuckled. "Did you hire a cook to make it for us, because I'm not letting you leave this bed."

She giggled. "Aren't you hungry?"

He pulled her close and began running his hands along the warm skin under her pajamas. "There's only one thing I'm hungry for."

"Kevin Ryan!"

"Honest. I'm being honest. Doesn't that get me some points?"

She kissed him. "It gets you a lot of points."

"Good, because I have the day off and if you call in to work sick we can enjoy breakfast in bed the way I like it. Dessert first."

"Kev, I shouldn't."

He smoothed a hand through her hair, face growing solemn. "I know, and normally I'd never suggest it, but yesterday was ... "

She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. "I know."

"I just ... need to be with you today, Jenny. I love you and ... yesterday was ... sometimes the job can be dangerous and it makes me thankful when I do come home to you. There may be a time when I don't, so I want to take advantage of it now."

"Don't say that. Don't even think it," she chastised. "I know this job means a lot to you Kevin, but I don't want to lose you to it."

He leaned in and kissed her. "You won't. I promise I'll always try to come home. Now you have a phone call to make and we have breakfast to get working on."

Jenny giggled and picked up her phone. "Fine. But only this one time."

**xxxxx**

Castle sat at home, alone, staring into the fire. Alexis had gone to school, saying she needed to get back to her normal routine, and his mother had, after observing his meditative state, wisely opted to go out and leave him alone with his thoughts.

He'd really done it this time. He'd angered and hurt Kate before; gone behind her back and investigated something she'd told him not to, acted like a jealous teen when she'd chosen another man over him, even undermined her authority during an investigation. She'd always forgiven him and taken him back into her small circle of trust, but he'd never before questioned her or her choice of life's work. Nor had she ever been as vulnerable when he'd hurt her. It was no wonder she'd run to hide and lick her wounds in privacy.

His heart melted, knowing he'd hurt her so badly. He wanted to make amends now but knew it was better he left her alone to absorb the hurt and pull it beneath her protective layer. He'd seen her hurt enough times to know she didn't deal with it well in the moment but needed time to distance herself before talking about it.

He began formulating his apology.

**xxxxx**

Commissioner McNicol stood, interview clearly at an end.

"Sir please." Montgomery stood as well. "Beckett is hotheaded and sometimes works a little outside the box but she's a damned good cop and she's got the best record in the department. I never thought I'd say it but she's easily as good as Royce was. Better."

"I don't dispute that, Roy. But this isn't the first time she's broken the rules. You have a soft spot for this woman and it blinds you to just how dangerous she can be."

"Dangerous? She bent the rules in order to save people's lives. It's not like she's going out there picking on criminals randomly like some comic book superhero. We have good cause and reason to take these people down. She's able to see the forest and doesn't let the trees get in the way. Please don't throw her out. We need people like her to keep the scum off our streets."

"Roy ... " The commissioner sighed. "Fine. I'm putting her on a two-week suspension without pay and I expect to see her in my office next week with a full verbal report and justification for why I shouldn't kick her off the force. If I'm impressed, she stays. If not, she goes."

Montgomery wasn't happy but he could see that pushing further would be futile. "Yes sir."

**TBC**


	22. Chapter 22

**~ Always ~**

_Chapter Twenty-Two ~_

Alexis arrived home from school to find the loft spotless.

"Dad?" she called out warily. His cleaning binges always scared her.

"In here sweetie."

She followed the sound of his voice to his library-office where things were decidedly less than spotless. Books were piled everywhere and her father was washing down the shelves.

She smiled and hugged him. "You're worried about her, aren't you? You always get the cleaning bug when you're trying not to think about something."

Castle didn't even bother denying it. Alexis was the one person who could see right through him - had always been able to. "I'm sure she's fine." He hugged her quickly then continued washing. "I just thought I'd … "

"Keep busy so you don't think too much about what happened," she finished for him.

"You know me too well." He smiled. "Might as well get something useful done during our down time."

"You could write."

A pained look crossed his face.

"Right," she corrected herself. "Thinking about Nikki Heat reminds you of Beckett."

He put the cloth down and turned to her impulsively. "Should I call her?"

"It's been a day and a half, dad. Do you think she needs more time?"

"I don't know. That's the problem. I've never seen her like this."

"She can't always be strong. Nobody can." She gave him an encouraging smile. "Sometimes I think you forget she's not actually Nikki Heat. She's a real person with real feelings. As tough as she is, everyone has a breaking point."

"And this is it."

"This is it."

He hugged his daughter again.

"Don't worry, dad. She'll be okay, she just needs time. I'm sure whatever there is between you will be forgiven."

"How did you get to be so wise, my young apprentice?"

"I had a good teacher."

He smiled and hugged her tighter.

"I meant Grams."

"Ouch."

**xxxxx**

Kate flopped down on her couch, absolutely exhausted. She'd slept for a good chunk of the day before and the whole night as well, and had woken feeling if not mentally better, at least physically refreshed. As such, she'd decided her apartment needed a thorough cleaning. It wasn't terribly dirty, having only been occupied by her for just about a year, but her busy schedule never allowed for her to do a thorough spring clean so it was more than due. She knew that keeping her mind and body occupied with something else was a good way for her to unconsciously deal with some of the hurt; eventually her conscious mind would get there but she'd learned from hard experience that it took time.

_Castle._

Now that her body was relaxed, her mind began to wander again. She wondered how he was. Missed seeing him. They'd spent longer periods of time apart - most weekends in fact - but not with the same conflict hanging between them. Not since … She preferred not to think about the previous summer. It was easier to block it out of her mind and focus on the growing relationship they'd begun to cultivate since then. _You know full well that last summer was a good thing, for both of you_, her inner self admonished. _ You weren't nearly as close back then and the attraction was mostly physical. If it would have happened then it would have been over as soon as it began. Now …_

It was true. Her inner self, the part of her that was always honest even when she didn't want to hear the truth, was always right. Though she had noticed, with a fair amount of disquietude, that Richard Castle had been sounding a lot like that inner voice lately. Perhaps he did know her better than she thought. Perhaps he really was inside her heart and soul and understood her in ways she barely even understood herself. _ Perhaps? Perhaps, Kate? Perhaps you need to be more honest with yourself. You know he knows you, inside and out_.

She blushed though she was alone. Impulsively, she reached over and grabbed the phone off the table, turning it on and checking for messages. There were none. She felt a little let down that he hadn't called; her wiser self appreciated his restraint in letting her have time to heal.

Kate smiled ruefully and took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to begin. The phone beeped in her hand, startling her as a text came in.

- hey, how R U?

She closed her eyes and sighed, smiling. _ Castle._ Yet again they'd had the same thought at the same time.

- Eye miss U

She typed quickly and hit send. - Learn how to spell writerman.

- Thx 4 my new superhero moniker. make me a cape?

Kate laughed aloud and dialled his number.

"Aw, your fingers tired of texting, detective?" No greeting, no acknowledgement of the tension between them. Just playful banter, like always.

"I was afraid if we continued you'd start sexting."

"I'm shocked you'd think such a thing of me," he said haughtily after a pause of fully ten seconds.

"Don't be. I know you too well, Castle."

They smiled down the wire at one another, silence approaching comfortable.

"Kate, I - " he began tentatively. "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday. I'm sorry for what I said - "

"It's okay," she cut him off. "I'm sorry too, for running away."

"So are we … "

" … okay?" she said shyly. "Yeah, I think we are."

She could picture the relief in his body from the profound sigh that filled her ear.

"Listen, are you … busy tonight?" she asked. "We really should talk and my apartment's feeling a little lonely, so - "

"How soon do you want me there?"

"Give me an hour? I've been cleaning all day and I need to shower."

"I'll be there at six. With dinner. And wine."

She laughed. "Don't be late."

**xxxxx**

Castle dropped the cloth into the kitchen sink and whistled as he headed upstairs. Alexis and Martha poked their heads out of respective bedrooms as he reached the top.

"Dad?"

"Richard?"

He grinned. "I hope no one needs the bathroom right now. I'm off to the shower and then I've got a date."

"But you haven't finished cleaning the library," Alexis protested.

"it can wait. I've something more important to do."

Martha leaned against the doorframe in a decidedly suggestive post and smiled knowingly. "Kate?"

He nodded. "Kate."

"She's forgiven you?" Alexis swiftly crossed the hall and put her arms around him.

"It would appear so. I'm bringing her dinner."

"Sounds like a truce to me."

"Try not to screw it up again darling."

Castle smiled at his mother. "Thank you for your vote of confidence, mother. You two are on your own for dinner tonight. Try not to make a huge mess of the kitchen please. I'll see you later."

"We won't wait up."

He made a face. "I doubt things will go that far tonight."

"Stranger things have happened, dear," Martha assured him. "Never say never."

**xxxxx**

His hair was still damp when he arrived at Kate's apartment fifty-seven minutes later. The door opened to his knock, revealing Kate's hair had yet to completely dry as well. It was thick and damp and smelled absolutely beautiful.

She smiled. "Come in."

He did, dumping an armful of paper bags onto the kitchen island.

"You know there are only just the two of us eating, right?" she teased at the sight of all the food he'd brought. "You didn't need to feed an army."

He shrugged. "I didn't know what you were in the mood for."

"You could have just asked. That's what we have phones for."

Castle shrugged. "Well, now you'll have leftovers. And if your fridge looks anything like it has the last couple of times I've peeked into it, you need them. I don't know how you keep body and soul together, eating like a bird the way you do.

"I keep Remy's in business. Not to mention the chinese food place down the road."

"You'll have to teach me your secret to staying slim while still eating nothing but junk because I'm finding the more of this sort of stuff I eat - " He patted his stomach.

"I've noticed."

His mouth swung open. "Hey, that wasn't nice."

"I'm kidding, Castle. Don't worry, you're still ruggedly handsome and roguishly adorable, though you might want to start hitting the gym with me if you don't want to add 'rotund' to your list of attributes."

Castle put his hands on his hips and frowned. "I don't know whether to be insulted by your criticism of my appearance or turned on by the fact that you obviously devoured a thesaurus for lunch."

Kate laughed and the sound of it gave his heart wings. She often smiled and even chuckled occasionally but rarely had he heard a deep, joyful sound like this one come out of her. In that moment a revelation hit him; making her happy was what he wanted out of life, what he'd been unconsciously trying to do throughout recent months. It was the reason he'd stuck around even while Josh was in the picture. It was more important than all of the Nikki heat books he could ever write. He'd stayed by her side, with her, because she needed him and he made her happy, not because he himself wanted anything from her.

It was a startling discovery. His relationships with other women had been nothing like that. They'd always been about taking; what he could take from them and what the other women could take from him. Each of the women had gotten what they wanted - fame, money, the right social circles, and he'd gotten what he wanted - someone to share his bed with for a time and someone to look pretty on his arm at social functions. Never had any of them concerned themselves with giving to the other.

He felt a little ashamed, thinking about it, but also a little overwhelmed. Clearly Kate was it, his one and done, though he'd never gone looking for that as he hadn't really believed it was anything more than a sappy romantic notion. No one had ever given him reason to believe otherwise, save perhaps Kyra.

Kate looked at him curiously and he blushed, realizing she'd already transferred all of the food to the table and set it while he'd stood, lost in thought.

"You okay?" she asked.

He smiled down at her, heart thudding madly. "I'm better than okay. Let's eat, I'm starving. I was cleaning all day as well and I forgot to eat lunch."

"You too?"

"Mr Clean strikes again. Someone's got to clean our place now and then and you don't really think Mother would do it, do you?"

Kate took a bit of her spring roll. "I would have thought you'd hire someone, being Rick Castle and all. I surely would if I had the money."

He hung his head. "It doesn't matter how much I offer to pay, no one wants to take apart the bookshelves and clean them. I always get stuck doing that job. Alexis won't even do it, not even if I threaten to take away her allowance."

"I don't blame them! You must have a million books."

"Getting on for that. I think it was around three quarters of a mil the last time I counted."

"You've counted them?" she asked incredulously. "Never mind. Of course you have."

"They're my collection," he said protectively. "Of course I know how many there are. I've even read them all," he added proudly.

"Why am I not surprised." She shook her head but there was a quiet amusement to it.

He smiled, eyes crinkling. "You know me too well."

They finished dinner quickly and moved to the couch.

"Castle … Rick … " Kate began, but stopped and bit her lip.

"Kate - " He reached out and took her hand, twining their fingers together. "I'm sorry for suggesting you should quit being a cop," he said quietly. "I know it's not just what you do, it's who you are, and I should never have … "

"It's okay," she interrupted.

"I was scared." He squeezed her hand. "I've come so close to losing you several times in the last few weeks … I never thought the job seemed that dangerous, but lately … "

"I know." Her voice was practically a whisper. "It's not the job itself that's changed, it's the focus. My mother's case."

"No one can blame you for wanting to know the truth."

"Maybe not," she admitted, "but I've never been able to let it go. I should have. My father did, but I couldn't and it's the reason why I went into police work, why I still do it. It became my obsession and like any obsession, it's becoming dangerous."

"I guess all this time I should have been calling you Ahab instead of Beckett," he teased, a slight twinkle in the eyes.

"Probably." The word was half-laugh, half-sob. "Because of my obsession, you got hurt. Your family was put in danger - "

" - and yours."

" - and all the people I love could have been killed." She swallowed convulsively. "I can't let that happen."

"Hopefully it's done now and we're all out of danger. You caught the guys and now they're in custody. You just need to question them to fill in the rest of the details of the story and then hopefully you can put it to rest. Maybe find something else to obsess over." He smiled.

Kate met his eyes and smiled back into them. "I want to thank you for seeing this through with me. As much as it hurts me to put you in danger, I am thankful to have you by my side."

"That's what partners are for." He squeezed her hand and began rubbing his thumb over the top of it.

"Is that what we are? Partners?"

"Partners … and friends." His mouth suddenly went dry.

"Is that all?"

Castle took a deep breath. "I hope not."

Kate moved quickly, closing the distance between them on the couch and reaching her free hand along his neck to grip it as her lips brushed against his.

"I hope not too."

**TBC**


End file.
